To make DD wear a dress?

You really are not getting it are you?
It is not up to you to give in or decide on a top. It is up to her. You dont get to dictate what someone else wears.

I would agree a compromise with her in jeans and a decent top. Yes, it would be nice if she wore the dress but she won’t want to stick out with her peers and it’s definitely not worth an argument over.

I voted YANBU until I found out the age of the child. 14 is old enough to make decisions on dress without any input from parents

Let her wear what she likes. No 14 year old wants their parents dictating what they wear. God won’t care what she wears either

I’d be worried about how passive she is, if she’s not pushing back on clearly unreasonable restrictions like this. The ability to self-advocate assertively is much more critical to her future than the ability to dress conservatively when it isn’t even necessary.

Why don't you just butt your nose out?

If any of this is true and you're not just bored, it's absolutely none of your business what your 14 year old chooses to wear to church.

The main lesson I want her to learn is to dress appropriately for the occasion in general and have a sense for dress codes.

She is telling you the dress code for her and her peers and you are ignoring that.

You say it's irrelevant what anyone else thinks but you are clinging to some outdated 'what will the neighbours think' attitude.

All you will achieve is embarrassment for your daughter and satisfied smugness for yourself.

You forcing her to wear something won't actually make her learn anything other than to resent you. If she does turn up and all the others are dressed up she will see that for herself. She will then be able to reflect on what she chose to wear and come to a decision about how to dress the next time. That decision may be that she was perfectly happy with her choice and that is absolutely fine. Nobody should be telling other people that they need to wear outside of a work uniform situation. My mother was like you. She carried on being like that into my 20s. I now only see her a couple of times a year as was fed up with her trying to.control me. Thats what uou are doing by the way. You are being controlling.

4? You may have had a point. 14? Nope. She chooses what she wears.

Lol.

I mean LOL at all of it but particularly this.

Can we assume you'll be arriving in full Victorian attire with your attitude stashed in the back of the horse and cart?

I would let her wear whatever she wants to fit in with her friends. She will appreciate you being flexible about it. She sounds like a good kid.

‘She’s a good kid, isn’t arguing’ but you’re making her feel unhappy?

She’ll learn that through going to places where there is a dress code, church shouldn’t be that place unless for a formal occasion - wedding/christening/funeral. She’s also going to learn by getting it wrong occasionally but don’t let her clothes become a battle ground and potentially spoil what should be a lovely event for her.

Christ I thought you were going to say she was 6.

Why are you choosing this hill to die on? Especially as none of the other kids will be in dresses so you're literally asking her to stand out like a sore thumb (which is the exact opposite of what most teenagers want, are you so very old that you've forgotten what it's like to be 14?).

On top of that you're not even fucking religious so you can't even stand by your own bullshit that it's about "respect" for the church can you? At least be honest and say it's about controlling her.

Let her wear the jeans & Billie t-shirt. I’d be encouraging a cosy jumper as churches are often chilly but other than that let her crack on. Good for her singing carols and being involved!

I remember a friend wearing a Frankie Says Relax t shirt to church to do the reading one Sunday in the 80s, which turned a few heads. Those times have passed thankfully, it’s more important that she goes, participates and feels comfortable. Churches generally aren’t the stuffy places of my youth.

Have you read much of the new testement? There are many passages about how going to church shouldn’t be about showing off and judging people on what they’re wearing. Let her wear what is comfortable.

Leave her alone fgs. She’s too old for you to be telling her what to wear, and your standards are painfully outdated in any case.

Of course you can't 'make her'. How? By physical force? Once a child is old enough to actually dress themselves and speak then they should be allowed to wear whatever they like. As long as it's weather appropriate and not literally indecent or some sort of safety hazard.

If her mates will be wearing normal stuff then she'll be really embarrassed if you coerce her into wearing this dress.

How would you feel about being told what to wear when outside of work/school?

Jesus welcomed everyone to the temple and didn't put in barriers like dress codes. Come one, come all.

Sign of respect to the church for a young female to wear a dress

ergh what era is this