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Original poster

15 yr old babysitting her 12 yr old sisters

87 replies

Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 09:06

My 15 yr old is very responsible. Over the summer I paid her to watch her twin sisters (12, who are also responsible) for up to 3 hrs at a time. For longer periods and overnights my mother looks after them if I am at work or they go to my mother’s house.
My former partner (who left to stay at an address unknown for 6 months) has made an accusation of neglect.
I have self referred myself to social work and have spoken with their school who have no concerns but will engage with social work.
My 15 yr old also babysits our neighbours children from time to time.
I feel like I have lost perspective. Was I unreasonable doing this?

OP posts:
Cardamomandlemons · 14/12/2025 12:59

Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 12:55

I should add when he accused me of neglect he also said he had returned from AWOL land to “rescue” the children. Despite my lack of perspective this bit did make me laugh.

Aka he is a coercive controller who suddenly twigged that instead of sitting home all day pining his absence you are functioning and getting on with life, so he decided to "show you who's boss".
The only part that is unreasonable is how seriously you take him and that's happening because of the history. Freedom program/womens aid may be able to help.

Bbq1 · 14/12/2025 12:58

Why on earth are you paying your 15 year old to "babysit" her 12 year old siblings? I was babysitting myself at not much older than the youngest. Are they very immature 12 year olds? Otherwise, the sister must be loving getting paid for nothing!

vanillalattes · 14/12/2025 12:56

You need to speak to Women's Aid, OP.

Original poster
Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 12:55

I should add when he accused me of neglect he also said he had returned from AWOL land to “rescue” the children. Despite my lack of perspective this bit did make me laugh.

OP posts:
MummaMummaMumma · 14/12/2025 12:54

I let my 12 year old stay home all for a few hours. As do most of the kids his age that we know.
No need to stress.

Original poster
Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 12:53

I saw the GP as there have been other instances of what I perceive to be coercive control. Part of the reason he has accused me of neglect is that he doesn’t and didn’t like me leaving the house however we have separated so it’s none of his business notwithstanding he was semi AWOL for 7 months.
I feel I have no perspective on what is normal anymore.

OP posts:
TeenageSu1cideDontDoit · 14/12/2025 12:52

This is completely fine! My DSD used to babysit my dds when she was 15, they were 5 and 2 at the time. I used to babysit my younger sister when I was 12! Your ex is an arse.

Alicorn1707 · 14/12/2025 12:49

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 14/12/2025 12:27

It's fine

I think it's sensible to fully cooperate though

Your ex sounds like quite the piece of work

the thing is @theunbreakablecleopatrajones

@Bayou2000 referred herself to social services because the father accused HER of neglect 🙊🙈!!!

He has zero right to frighten @Bayou2000 into a course of action that was absolutely unwarranted.

JLou08 · 14/12/2025 12:43

Social services would not even be concerned about 12 year olds being alone for up to 3 hours during the day unless they have disabilities. Many 12 year olds are left alone for a few hours after school, there aren't any formal childcare options for that age.

Punkerplus · 14/12/2025 12:30

My mum was a teacher and on in-service days I remember my brother who was 16 would look after us all day! We all survived!

In fact I'm sure even at 12 I was allowed to stay at home by myself for a few hours.

Honestly social services wouldn't even be interested in this. I can't see how any of this is an issue.

P00kyW00ky · 14/12/2025 12:29

Your 15 Ur old is old enough to babysit them. And, they are 12 so all fine

Lookingforthejoy · 14/12/2025 12:29

At 12 most teenagers would be fine in the house by themsleves for a few hours. Unless there is a drip feed about why your children would find this more difficult or not be safe then it’s a none issue.

alittlebittiredallthetime · 14/12/2025 12:29

YANBU op, you’ve done something totally normal (left three kids home alone) and your 15 year old has the benefit of some cash for it! I was being left home alone from age 12 with my brother (a year younger than me) and it was fine.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 14/12/2025 12:27

It's fine

I think it's sensible to fully cooperate though

Your ex sounds like quite the piece of work

TFImBackIn · 14/12/2025 12:26

Look, you married a useless knob and you are now letting him control you even though he clearly couldn't care less about your children.

Don't let him do this. Just ignore everything he says and thank god you have three lovely, sensible children who don't resemble him in the slightest.

vanillalattes · 14/12/2025 12:24

Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 12:22

This is a good point. Sometimes she forgoes a paid shift in a coffee shop so opportunity cost and all that but often she is otherwise doing not much.

Show quote history

This is such an odd thread.

Why are you making your 15 year old miss work to "babysit" her 12 year old siblings, who are more than capable of being left alone anyway?

Applesonthetree · 14/12/2025 12:24

Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 12:19

I agree with this, however my GP recommended that transparency was important however I gave consideration to resources being diverted however my GP said they would assess if they needed to put resources to this case.

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Why did you go to the GP about this?

VikaOlson · 14/12/2025 12:22

Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 12:19

I agree with this, however my GP recommended that transparency was important however I gave consideration to resources being diverted however my GP said they would assess if they needed to put resources to this case.

Show quote history

Where does your GP come into this?

Original poster
Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 12:22

tinyspiny · 14/12/2025 11:20

The only thing I think that you’ve done wrong is pay the oldest one . At 12 and 15 if they are responsible enough to be home alone then just leave them home alone , I wouldn’t be telling the oldest that she is ‘baby sitting’ or letting her believe she was in charge .

This is a good point. Sometimes she forgoes a paid shift in a coffee shop so opportunity cost and all that but often she is otherwise doing not much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 12:20

holdingontoholidays · 14/12/2025 11:07

Why can’t parents just make parental decisions based on their children as individuals instead of worrying about what’s considered the right thing based on a one size fits all authority.

Agree. My 15 yr old is in many ways more responsible than I am.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 12:19

Applesonthetree · 14/12/2025 11:19

You left 3 secondary age kids for 3 hours and referred yourself to social services for it?? What a waste of their time. Unless there’s more to this story, that is ridiculous and a huge waste of time of an already massively overstretched service.

I agree with this, however my GP recommended that transparency was important however I gave consideration to resources being diverted however my GP said they would assess if they needed to put resources to this case.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bayou2000 · 14/12/2025 12:16

Squirrelchops1 · 14/12/2025 09:27

I agree that at 12, a lot of children could be left home alone for a couple of hours. It's about risk and contingency ie are they safe to use a kettle or say air fryer but maybe avoid the oven. Or leave snack made so they dont try to make anything.
Make sure phone is charged, what do they do if someone knocks the door.
Could they pop to neighbour if worried. All these little things..

Then with a 15 year old about you'd hope they'd have even more common sense to know how to deal with any unforeseen things that crop up.

The ex is being a knob.

Yes they are not allowed to cook when I am out, just cold pre made snacks. I have a fabulous network of neighbours- so they all know where to go for help, and all have phones.
Until 3 weeks ago their father had only seen them for 2 hrs at a time and wouldn’t have them to his house. We still don’t know where he was for those 7 months.

OP posts:
tinyspiny · 14/12/2025 11:20

The only thing I think that you’ve done wrong is pay the oldest one . At 12 and 15 if they are responsible enough to be home alone then just leave them home alone , I wouldn’t be telling the oldest that she is ‘baby sitting’ or letting her believe she was in charge .

Applesonthetree · 14/12/2025 11:19

You left 3 secondary age kids for 3 hours and referred yourself to social services for it?? What a waste of their time. Unless there’s more to this story, that is ridiculous and a huge waste of time of an already massively overstretched service.

CurlewKate · 14/12/2025 11:17

When my DS was 12 he would have been outraged at the suggestion his big sister was “babysitting”! I sometimes left them together for a while but I didn’t pay her-I would probably provide some treat food for them but that was it.