To not visit my mum in hospital for next few days

lisa12000 · 2025-12-13T22:33:47+00:00

I feel like I’m going mad. My mum is currently in hospital after surgery for a broken hip. She is stable and not in a life threatening state. She is 83 and been in a week so far. I was unfortunately away when it all happened but have of course visited since I arrived home. My sisters and I have been pretty much non contact for 4 years due to a falling out during Covid - (i have twin sisters who are very close) but are now messaging me trying to arrange times for me to go and see my mum - literally making sure she isn’t alone for a minute during visiting hours which is fine However, yesterday I woke up with a heavy cold, sneezing every 1@ mins, aches, sore throat etc. I said this to my sister and her reaction was that I would be fine to go as someone laways has got something - I feel really pressured into going and I don’t want to as it’s not just about my mums health but all other on the ward! The laugh is that our falling out was due to he going to see my mum during Covid (when we could) as I was putting her in danger! Shpuld I just go? Or is my gut feeling not to go until I’m feeling okay right? I do not know why I am worried about informing my sisters! They won’t believe me! And it is stressing me out

Maddy70 · 14/12/2025 01:26

Don't take flu into a hospital with vulnerable people

Original poster

lisa12000 · 14/12/2025 01:16

Thank you everyone for your replies. I hoped and sort of thought I would get them, but there was just that little part lf my brain that kept wondering if I was the one in the wrong!

OP posts:

PrioritisePleasure24 · 13/12/2025 23:34

The hospital i work for have signs all over asking for relatives NOT to visit when unwell. It’s a very valid reason not to visit a ward full of already sick/frail/recovering people.

There is so many viruses going round atm please don’t go or be guilt tripped. She will be fine. My dad was in recently none of us could be there for more han a couple of hours a day. There was one day when no one went. He was fine. He was as getting his treatment and getting better.

RosesAndHellebores · 13/12/2025 23:33

You are poorly and infectious. You should not be setting foot inside a hospital unless you need treatment.
I am sure I have read that whilst elderly people recover well from a broken hip, it's an infection that develops into pneumonia that gets them. If so, your sister who is a nurse needs a kick up the backside.
Do what you need to do for your mother, bugger your sisters - they sound like a pair of toxic brats.

WearyAuldWumman · 13/12/2025 23:29

No. Not unreasonable. Don't take germs into the hospital.

I was an only child. When Mum was in with a cracked pelvis, I was told by the charge nurse to stay away, after I phoned in to say that I had shingles.

2Rebecca · 13/12/2025 23:27

Don’t go and tell your sisters to stop trying to organise your life. Your mum will need rest. Visiting hours are designed so people have some flexibility when they visit. Someone being there all the time is just silly. Infectious people should keep well away

Bamfram · 13/12/2025 23:23

Your sisters are morons.
Don't go near the hospital while unwell.
One is a nurse? God help us. Idiot.

YourFairCyanReader · 13/12/2025 23:18

Apart from the infection risk, you are poorly. You should take care of yourself and rest, it's ok to do that for a few days.

Maddyisqueen · 13/12/2025 23:18

Arlanymor · 13/12/2025 23:16

I'm so sorry - my sister has naff all to do with my folks and when the time comes I know she is going to put her oar in. She's not seen my mum in a decade for a start... so she will be given short shrift. But I know it's going to be horribleness on top of horribleness. I would just text your sister(s) to say: I am going to call mum as it would be reckless with my illness to go in and the nurses have confirmed the same.

Don't brook any arguments, tell them what you are going to do and that's it. Easier said than done I know. But stand firm, you're doing all that you can and you are fab for doing that. Ignore the bossy boots.

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In this situation I would block them after - then your controlling what you read and when

Arlanymor · 13/12/2025 23:16

lisa12000 · 13/12/2025 22:52

She does have a phone with her - I charged it up for her the last time I was there. She is slightly comfused so not sure how much convo I will get but it would be good to speak to her.

This whole situation was why we all went non contact in the first place as they were dictating what I do and what shouldn’t do, ringing me up and lecturing me during Covid (when I was already stressed due to lack of work) - I couldn’t cope with it any more. It’s been utter bliss not having to deal with them but I know with my mum in hospital I would have to speak to them - but it’s bought back all the feelings of dread and anxiety I had

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I'm so sorry - my sister has naff all to do with my folks and when the time comes I know she is going to put her oar in. She's not seen my mum in a decade for a start... so she will be given short shrift. But I know it's going to be horribleness on top of horribleness. I would just text your sister(s) to say: I am going to call mum as it would be reckless with my illness to go in and the nurses have confirmed the same.

Don't brook any arguments, tell them what you are going to do and that's it. Easier said than done I know. But stand firm, you're doing all that you can and you are fab for doing that. Ignore the bossy boots.

SouthernNights59 · 13/12/2025 23:15

Of course you don't visit the hospital while you are ill!

Why does your DM need someone with her every hour of the day? My DM broke her hip when she was 86 and spent another 8 weeks rehabilitating at our local hospital. I visited her once a day, after work, for half an hour (I'm an only child) and she was fine with that. I wouldn't even bother speaking to sisters who sound as unreasonable as yours.

Maddyisqueen · 13/12/2025 23:11

lisa12000 · 13/12/2025 22:52

She does have a phone with her - I charged it up for her the last time I was there. She is slightly comfused so not sure how much convo I will get but it would be good to speak to her.

This whole situation was why we all went non contact in the first place as they were dictating what I do and what shouldn’t do, ringing me up and lecturing me during Covid (when I was already stressed due to lack of work) - I couldn’t cope with it any more. It’s been utter bliss not having to deal with them but I know with my mum in hospital I would have to speak to them - but it’s bought back all the feelings of dread and anxiety I had

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They are bad for your mental health op

Original poster

lisa12000 · 13/12/2025 22:56

QuirkyMoose · 13/12/2025 22:49

We all believe that it is unreasonable for you who is sick with an act of cold to go to the hospital, where there are people who are in medically weakened State and vulnerable, who literally could be killed by the complications of your cold, so bringing disease into such a environment is extremely irresponsible. You know this. That's why you said you're not going to go. Your sisters are daft. Why does your mother who is stable need to have a visitor with her every single minute of the day? She doesn't. They aren't listening to you, they're not respecting you, they're not respecting her, they're not respecting the rules (which I'm quite sure do ask you not to come in if you're sick) they're just being selfish and doing what they want when they want how they want. They're not going to listen to you. So you're not being unreasonable, and just do your best to take care of yourself so you feel better soon, not feel better soon so you can go visit your mom but just so you can go feel better soon. And as for your family well, you said that you went low contact with them a few years ago, it was for a reason. You knew it then, and it looks like things haven't gotten much better.

Thank you - that is literally what I needed to here. Guess I just feel guilty I was away when it all happened (I’d gone to see her the day before and put up all her decorations etc and had a really nice day) but I really need to ge gym head out my backside and just tell them to go away - they’ve always been able to make me feel this way though (they are older I’m the youngest)

OP posts:

Horrorscope · 13/12/2025 22:52

lisa12000 · 13/12/2025 22:46

Do you know what is worse? One of them is a trained nurse!

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Do you know what. Nothing surprises me anymore.

Original poster

lisa12000 · 13/12/2025 22:52

Arlanymor · 13/12/2025 22:48

Call the nurse's station and explain your symptoms and clarify that they don't want you there. Contact your sister(s) and say that you spoke to the nurse and they have confirmed that you can't visit.

You shouldn't have to be so prescriptive but with unreasonable people it helps to have logic and an evidence trail in your corner. Does your mum have a phone with her? Could you chat to her on that perhaps? Or an iPad for a video call?

(And before people say - ridiculous, she's 83! My dad is 80 and my mum is 77 two days before Christmas and they both have phones and iPads!)

She does have a phone with her - I charged it up for her the last time I was there. She is slightly comfused so not sure how much convo I will get but it would be good to speak to her.

This whole situation was why we all went non contact in the first place as they were dictating what I do and what shouldn’t do, ringing me up and lecturing me during Covid (when I was already stressed due to lack of work) - I couldn’t cope with it any more. It’s been utter bliss not having to deal with them but I know with my mum in hospital I would have to speak to them - but it’s bought back all the feelings of dread and anxiety I had

OP posts:

theonlygirl · 13/12/2025 22:51

My mum was in hospital last Christmas. There were signs up all over the ward saying "Do not visit if you are ill"

jamimmi · 13/12/2025 22:51

We.are asking any out patients or visitors.with flu to stay away from our hospital. Your sister especilly the nurse.are being very unresonable

Maddyisqueen · 13/12/2025 22:49

Arlanymor · 13/12/2025 22:48

Call the nurse's station and explain your symptoms and clarify that they don't want you there. Contact your sister(s) and say that you spoke to the nurse and they have confirmed that you can't visit.

You shouldn't have to be so prescriptive but with unreasonable people it helps to have logic and an evidence trail in your corner. Does your mum have a phone with her? Could you chat to her on that perhaps? Or an iPad for a video call?

(And before people say - ridiculous, she's 83! My dad is 80 and my mum is 77 two days before Christmas and they both have phones and iPads!)

Yes someone will help anyway

QuirkyMoose · 13/12/2025 22:49

We all believe that it is unreasonable for you who is sick with an act of cold to go to the hospital, where there are people who are in medically weakened State and vulnerable, who literally could be killed by the complications of your cold, so bringing disease into such a environment is extremely irresponsible. You know this. That's why you said you're not going to go. Your sisters are daft. Why does your mother who is stable need to have a visitor with her every single minute of the day? She doesn't. They aren't listening to you, they're not respecting you, they're not respecting her, they're not respecting the rules (which I'm quite sure do ask you not to come in if you're sick) they're just being selfish and doing what they want when they want how they want. They're not going to listen to you. So you're not being unreasonable, and just do your best to take care of yourself so you feel better soon, not feel better soon so you can go visit your mom but just so you can go feel better soon. And as for your family well, you said that you went low contact with them a few years ago, it was for a reason. You knew it then, and it looks like things haven't gotten much better.

Arlanymor · 13/12/2025 22:48

Call the nurse's station and explain your symptoms and clarify that they don't want you there. Contact your sister(s) and say that you spoke to the nurse and they have confirmed that you can't visit.

You shouldn't have to be so prescriptive but with unreasonable people it helps to have logic and an evidence trail in your corner. Does your mum have a phone with her? Could you chat to her on that perhaps? Or an iPad for a video call?

(And before people say - ridiculous, she's 83! My dad is 80 and my mum is 77 two days before Christmas and they both have phones and iPads!)

Maddyisqueen · 13/12/2025 22:46

It’s ok OP for them to be angry - that resides with them

you can have your feelings and your much more balanced

Original poster

lisa12000 · 13/12/2025 22:46

Horrorscope · 13/12/2025 22:45

DO NOT GO and tell your stupid arse sisters to fuck off.

I really cannot understand the mentality (or stupidity) of people who think it’s OK to take their germs into hospital.

Do you know what is worse? One of them is a trained nurse!

OP posts:

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 13/12/2025 22:45

Block their numbers. DO NOT VISIT.

Horrorscope · 13/12/2025 22:45

DO NOT GO and tell your stupid arse sisters to fuck off.

I really cannot understand the mentality (or stupidity) of people who think it’s OK to take their germs into hospital.

nomas · 13/12/2025 22:44

lisa12000 · 13/12/2025 22:42

this is my other point - she was asleep for the whole two hours i was there the first time - more alert the following day but could tell she was getting tired trying to talk! My sister has stayed with her literally all day today because I said I wasn’t going - I could tell they were not happy

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Sounds like another way for them to gang up on you. They play the perfect daughters and paint you as the neglector.