Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

ah so this is a wind up post? good one

Bad at 17 too.

its not that simple, anyone with older adult kids knows that, however, if this was my adult child, I would be expecting all the costs to be paid and i would never allow this again

Yes and I don’t understand why posters are still responding by repeating the same response time after. First few posts, fair enough but once you get to all of the OP’s updates - especially her use of !!! When talking of her DD’s ‘job’, it’s as if the OP is goading to be called out.

You've created and enabled her all her life, this is the fallout of spoiling your kids folks...

The carpet can be invisibly mended by professionals. The sofa cushions and carpets can be professionally cleaned.

Suggest daughter researches these people, plus hot tub repair folk. After all she's good on the phone so let her get on with it.

She pays for the lot.

Have you asked her to move out?

Time to move out. She's old enough to know better. It's what an 18 year old might do, but at that age she needs to get a grip, get better friends, move out, and grow up.

You're thinking of peppercorn rent.

Tinpot dictators and peppercorn rents.

^ This, I was going to say similar.

I'm sorry @MyFairGreenTurtle but she needs to move out. She sounds like an immature, selfish young woman who needs to grow up.

Oh. My. God. I thought you were going to say she was 18 or 19 maybe. That would still be totally unacceptable and you'd still not be unreasonable to act as you're proposing. However at the age of 26 that is frankly embarrassing. She should be completely embarrassed and ashamed of herself. I bet half of the people who she invited wouldn't have dreamed of behaving as they did in their own/parents' house either!

At 26 I was a mother of one with another on the way. I moved out my DPs house at 18 for uni and never moved back in. I'm only early 30s now btw so it's not one of those 'back in my day' type comments. I would never ever have dreamed of behaving like that. Absolutely disgusting. I feel so sad for you tbh OP. She needs to pay for all the damage and she is not permitted visitors whilst you're out anymore. If she doesn't like it, it's high time that she moves out.

Or mummy and mummy.

I think it's sad that it's a reached a point where a 26 year old still needs "parenting" and the OP is still babying her to this extent. Even though I lived at home at 26, it was more like a lodger relationship. I did my own shopping and cleaning and was responsible for my life. It seems the OPs daughter has been allowed to continue to act like a teenager with very little consequence.

Oh and she won’t be a consultant. Stop being naive, OP

Start with the cleaning she needs to do then work through the list that she has to pay for ... you need to set an amount she's to give yiy each month, leaving her enough to exist on.

I had a house party for my 17th. Place was trashed. At 25? No.

A 26 year old behaving like a teenager, pathetic. Who on earth are these friends? I think this happened twice when our kids were about 15 and even then, we still came home to neatly stacked beer cans and bottles outside of the front door and an attempt to clear up plus red faced apologetic daughter.
She needs to be in her own place.

How do you not know what kind of work your daughter does? Has she got a website or business card? Do you never speak to her about her projects? At 26 she’s hardly built up the expertise to be a consultant. She sounds immature and lazy - without any respect or conscience and you have absolutely enabled this demon of a child.

I think you need to take a long, hard look at your weak parenting and try to guide your 26 year old adult child as best as you can so that she can break away from the drugs, irresponsible group of friends and live in the real world.

At 26 I was married with my own home and a baby on the way whilst working full time to afford my part of the mortgage and utilities. I certainly didn’t go around trashing people’s homes and being disrespectful to my parents whilst leeching off them.

I thought you were going to say it was a bunch of teenagers
26???
She would be out of here

She needs to pay for all the damage - you might have to agree a repayment schedule for her. But you would have to mean it and stick to it. She needs to take responsibility for this.

And she needs to move out. Once she starts to care about her own stuff she will appreciate yours more. I’m a strong believer that people grow up though doing stuff, and by living at home with no responsibilities she is still acting like a teenager, not the adult she is. (I wouldn’t even call 26 a young adult - I had kids and was living in a different country at 26 not acting like an overgrown adolescent).

@gillefc82 it's not OP's home "by extension", it's OP and her wife's home full stop! It's the daughter's home by extension.

u have no idea why you are checking insurances snd getting quotes - that is her job. Forward everything into her.

Go away for the day - she needs to sort it. It’s do very disrespectful. She sorts, pays and you have as big discussion about her future arrangements. I would absolutely charge more to someone who needs to learn value and I say that as someone who doesn’t charge a penny as my son is helpful, useful, generous and sorts all his own food and washing plus is actively saving for his future. He is a lot younger - she has so much growing up to do.

At 26 these "kidults" should growing up.
Having your home wrecked with a drunken party is teenage territory, not so called sensible working people in their 20s
They probably blame their behaviour on their "mental health" and all the boomers who have spoiled it all for them 😉

@MyFairGreenTurtle

In that case she is perfectly capable of 'managing' a repair/ replacement plan - esp as she works from (your) home. And obviously is fully responsible for paying for it all. It's the only way she will start to learn.