Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

get it done AND pay for it

Now I'm realising how stupid I've been just enabling her

no shit Sherlock?

Get her to book you a hotel room for the night, tell her it all needs to be cleaned up by the time you get home and you want her to have started researching the replacement/repair costs. By the end of the week you want a clear plan as to how she is going to get it all done and that plan needs to be in motion.

At 26 I was married working in the NHS and managing my own home. Time to kick her out out out

Your daughter is a spoiled and entitled brat… she’s cried and you’ve softened already!
I can’t believe she didn’t make any attempt to tidy up.. show absolutely no respect… as for her ‘friends’ being in your bedroom.. total lack of respect!
As well as paying for everything her ‘friends’ (ALL OF THEM) would be banned from my house for life… they show disrespect time and time again.. it’s time to them all they’re no longer welcome in your home.l

💯. She should do all the leg work, pay for all the damage and send you to a hotel to relax.

In fact I’m her shoes I’d be giving you my whole monthly wage and not going out at all until it was paid off! She needs to think about priorities!

Come down hard, stop being such a wet blanket! Tell her to go out, right now, buy a new TV the same as the one they broke, order a new hot tub, exactly the same spec as the broken one, hand her measurements for the rooms with destroyed carpet and tell her to get a quote for recarpeting and tell her that if she comes back without having done any of these things, she needs to find somewhere else to stay from tomorrow onwards.

Like hell would I put up with my things being destroyed and no responsibility taken. She needs to grow the fuck up and respect your home or go live with one of her mates, see if that shit flies in their house.

I can’t actually get worked up about this but I do feel sorry for the neighbours. If you raise a child without boundaries and continue to spoon feed them well into adulthood it’s a reap what you sow situation.

NO @MyFairGreenTurtle - most of the cost will not fall to ‘us’… it will fall to your DD!! Every single penny that isn’t claimable plus your excess should be covered by your DD and her alone!
It’s also about time you treated her like a 26 year old!… she needs to pay it all back and then start paying the going rate for rent… even if you secretly put this money away and give it to her later towards a deposit on her own place… charge her rent now so she has less money for socialising, booze etc… you’re not doing her any favours enabling this behaviour!
I can guarantee you if she behaved this way in her friends parents houses and caused this damage the parents would be calling the police and reporting criminal damage! Allowing a few friends for a ‘chill’ evening is not the same as allowing an all night boozy party! Also thank god no one drowned in the hot tub or got electrocuted in there or by the TV!! You could be facing a lawsuit !!
Your DD has behaved appallingly and sorry but a few tears and getting you a qoute is not enough… in her shoes I’d be setting up a payment plan to replace/repair everything not coming up with excuses about how it was her friends fault for inviting extras! You’ve put up with her piss poor excuses of ‘we were too drunk/too tired etc for too long and this is your wake up call! She pays or she gets out!!

I think they should kick her out permanently tbh and make her repay them for the damage. Time she stood on her own two feet and learned some responsibility.

If this had happened anywhere else she might well have been arrested.

It’s ok because she has a DEGREE!

In business management. Probably from the University of The Wrong End of a Sink Town.

I hope you aren’t going to give her her Christmas presents, which no doubt are everything she asked for.

Oh, you're a wag aren't you? Very witty Wilde! 😂

I agree - this is the harsh truth.

That’s her problem even

Sorry @MyFairGreenTurtle but not only should she be paying for everything to be fixed (she can claim it back off the friends herself ishe knows who did what! - that’s her Robles!)…
but if I ever went away again she would be kicked out and h ding her keys in… she would have to either stay elsewhere as cannot he trusted or I’d have one of your friends or parents stay over to ‘babysit’ your 26 year old DD who has proven she cannot be trusted!

Just thinking - if OP’s DD IS a consultant, she should have no issue obtaining a bank loan to cover the cost of the repairs and new carpet. And maybe a deposit for a new rental.

I’m not convinced she’ll have the paperwork to pull this off, though…

@MyFairGreenTurtle Of course YANBU to ban her from ever having friends at your home again and making her pay for the damage. This won't stop her having a social life - she will just have to meet up with her friends elsewhere. And paying for the damage she allowed to happen will ensure she understands that her actions have consequences (which, I fear, is a principle that you have failed to instil in her, but better late than never).
So, get quotes and compile a list of the costs of replacing all the damaged items (carpets, cushions, worktop, patio door, hot-tub, TV, etc) and present it to her. You already know it's going to be £000's so you may have to pay for replacing some of the items yourself immediately as, I'm guessing, she doesn't have a lot (or any) savings, but you insist she sets up a standing order to you for a set amount each month and even if it takes her years to repay you, you ensure she does. Channel your anger to get this all sorted and teach her a long overdue lesson.

Do not embarrass yourself by phoning the police. The also have better things to do!

They were your dd's guests in your house, and the damage was probably accidental due to drink and messing around which your dd was complicit in. Her pathetic minimising of her part and lack of action while it was happening won't wash with them.

Some hard parenting is what is needed not the police.

If this had happened anywhere else, like a hotel or rental property, she'd be paying for it. Why is this any different? Implement an installments repayment plan if she can't afford it outright. Time to grow up and start living in the real world.

This is horrendous. Tbh op I think I'd be telling her it's time to move out - give her 4-6 weeks to find somewhere and then she has to be gone.

She should also pay you back for the damage you can't claim for. Get it fixed and set up a repayment plan. If that means money is tight for her while paying rent for the first time then so be it. She needs a sharp shock and to learn responsibility.

Which is exactly why OP needs to lay down the law. The "child" is, at the very least, using large quantities of party drugs. Given that they don't appear to be working, hang about with layabouts and "party" regularly, it would not surprise me if they were using regularly.

I have young adults living at home. They're allowed to have people around whenever they want. The worst we have ever had is when they were 21 and brought home their respective boyfriends after a night out, one of whom decided he was a budding rockstar and proceeded to play the electric guitar until 4 am, when I lost my temper and told them the next person who picked up an instrument would be beaten severely with it.

They all apologised profusely when they sobered up, and the two lads mowed the lawns and tidied up the garden. My two cooked me brunch and ordered me a Starbucks. One of the lads is still with my child. He still apologises every time he sees me. The guitarist, it turns out, was on coke and could not be reasoned with. They're no longer friends with him because he is "a coked-up dickhead", apparently.

Even as teenagers, they've tidied up after (and during) parties and managed not to damage anything.

My oldest is 23 now, her parties are usually a few mates sat around the fire pit with a couple of bottles of wine. The BBQ is sometimes involved. I am usually invited to come and sit with them.

So sorry this has happened, I would also be shaking with fury. It would be slightly more understandable if she was a teenager. A 26 year old knows better. The level of disrespect is horrific.

Since she works full time in what sounds like a decent job, she must pay for all of the damage out of her own pocket. Don’t let her get away with this, it’s utterly despicable.

Ooh, you are naughty, @Cherrytree86 😄