Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

She had an idea for a cream and started to make moisturisers in her shed. She wanted to launch them herself, but she never did. A well-known cosmetics business woman got in contact with her and it went from there. I don't know how the first contact happened.

Edit: she was a stay-at-home mother. Where she lived, it wasn't practical to have both parents working as she lives in the middle of nowhere.

Youthful? She’s knocking on 30. I can’t understand why you think it would be unreasonable to make her pay for all of the damage. I don’t care how sorry she is. Make her pay then tell her to move out. You’re treating her like a child.

Get quotes for replacing/repairing everything to put it back to how it was and ask her to pay the full amount to you as soon as possible. Maximum three months. No more parties. And ask what her plans are to find her own place. You know you have enabled this disgraceful attitude.

What was this woman doing professionally before she became a creams consultant?

It is possible for someone to have a talent that's relevant to a particular type of project, and to consult on it without having advanced business qualifications. It's unusual, but I don't know why some people are stating that this young woman has to be a porn actress.

If someone has good idea, and knows how to leverage it, and gets the right contacts, anything is possible. I know a woman who is a consultant for major cosmetics companies, but she has no formal qualifications. I don't understand her work, but it has something to do with making creams feel and smell nice.

At 26 I was running my own home. Of course she needs to fix the damage at her own expense.

She also needs to be looking for her own place within the next 12 months.

She needs to grow up!

She's 4 years off 30, this is absolutely ridiculous and unacceptable behaviour. Yes she needs to pay for everything!

NO. How can you even ask? Her friends have wrecked your house and garden to the tune of thousands and you worry that YOU are being unreasonable. She pays. She also moves out. She's 26 not 15.

Drugs. Rather than drink.

This. What evidence is there of a job or have I missed that?

Bet the "job" is an mlm of some sort.

I don’t think the op is coming back.

I’d still like to know how she simultaneously doesn’t drink but was drunk?

You're very obviously not being unreasonable. I'm so angry reading this. You WOULD be unreasonable however, if you don't make her pay back every penny to replace every single bit of damage AND you should throw her out. 26 is old enough to know better and she can support herself. Utterly utterly fuming on your behalf.

I would say your dd is having you on. There is no international consultancy:) do you have any proof of this at all?

If you know any of these party goers or their parents I would suggest you message them all personally with pics and ask for money to repair the damage plus an apology. Don't care if they pretend to be adults.

Your dd- clean up, apologise, and time to move out/ get a proper job. She won't get a rental with no job, unless her self employed income is consistent and her tax returns are not showing losses.

So I would insist a job- any job- starts ASAP.

She takes you for mugs. Of course she drinks, or takes drugs. She lives off you.

Damage to that extent and little contribution towards bills…….. I’d be seriously increasing her contributions because something tells me that money isn’t all going solely into savings.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Good grief. This happened to our house with a 16 year old and even she had the wit to call the police when "friends of friends" turned up and started trying to wreck the place. The poor child was beside herself with remorse when we got home and had spent loads of time already cleaning up what she could.

Your daughter has been infantilised as she has not left home, and has become hostile dependent. You think she would have done this in a friends mothers house. Big change is coming, she needs to move out to get perspective and grow up, never going to happen she stay there.

Both my late teen/early twenties girls have had parties at our house. I set out the ground rules which is no drugs on my premises ever, smoking only outside (I put out containers for this last time), everything has to be back the way it was by the afternoon of the next day, cleaned, hoovered. I ask them if they'd like me to explain the rules to guests or do it themselves (they always do it themselves). I then leave the house for 24 hours.

No issues, no damage, no mess, they usually have a big breakfast the next day and then all clean up together.

The threat is if anyone doesn't follow my rules, then there will be no other parties in the future. Simples.

I would book into hotel for the next few nights to give her the chance to clean up. Then tell her to get quotes for repair and replacement and make her pay every penny piece of it. Up to her if she gets her party mares involved.
Then I give her notice to leave. This is an adult not a young teenager

Nope. She gets her own place. Give her one month’s notice and she can sling her hook. Let her fuck that up all she wants.

Oh how upsetting. And right before Christmas. I’d be devastated that she’s treat you like that. And at 26 as well! It’s one thing when it’s a teenager who has things get out of control but at 26 it’s not a learning curve it’s just plain selfishness and disrespect. I hope you make her pay for the damage. And I’d be speaking to her about finding her own place to live.

We host about 4 young adult parties per year - and my kids and their friends at 16 behaved WAY better than this 26yo and her mates!

If mine did this they would be paying for the damage and finding somewhere else to live. Disgusting behaviour!

BS!!

Fucking hell my eldest DD is 25 and no way would she disrespect our home in this way. I would be absolutely fuming!! She is 26 not bloody 16!!! Disgraceful behaviour.

She needs to put this right. Clean, mop, change sheets, hoover, and clear up the sick etc etc and take some responsibility for what has happened. The broken stuff she pays for out of her wages from her job, even if it takes her some time to pay it off. You must make sure that she puts this right and that you don't just allow her to say sorry and leave you to sort everything out and walk all over you.

🙈 Does she even have a job??