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Original poster

Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

834 replies

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:40

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

OP posts:
GaIadriel · 14/12/2025 19:06

Bloozie · 14/12/2025 18:08

When I was 16/17/18, I used to have massive house parties when my mum was away. With DJs. They were legendary.

Almost all of them got out of hand. There was vomit everywhere, broken beer bottles everywhere, people having messy sex in my mum’s bed…

My parents never knew. I would clean and wash and replace broken things before they came home, and no matter how rowdy things were or how many randoms turned up, kept control of the crowd. Male friends would evict if necessary.

I have no idea how your daughter, with 10 years on me, couldn’t do the same. I’d be raging.

What? Source a new chair, new sofa cushions, a new hot tub, a new carpet, a new TV, a new door handle?

That's not happening in a day or even a few.

RhubarbCrumble12345 · 14/12/2025 19:04

If she has an income she certainly should be paying all damages!! At 26, I had graduated, worked for years, just bought my first house and was pregnant. I'm early 30's now so not too long ago! I would have died of shame if I had done that to my parents house and would be paying for every last thing. Outrageous. Some people don't know how good they have got it. I think you need to send her the bill and give her a reality check!

JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl · 14/12/2025 19:02

YANBU and I had to double check that post again to say your DD is 26 not 16!

She pays for the damage, and you kick her out!

sprigatito · 14/12/2025 19:00

Bamfram · 14/12/2025 18:55

I would be beyond furious and mortified in the OP'S place.
Mind you I honestly cannot imagine this happening in a lovely home.
Our home is lovely and our children are reared to appreciate it.
We are away regularly and whilst there have been numerous "prinks" at ours for up to 20 people, the place has been left unmarked, bar an occasional sticky floor.
She needs to pay in full and move out.
Clearly no consequences have ever registered with her.

Show quote history

Was that intended to sound utterly insufferable, or is it something you can’t help? 😂

MrsDoubtingMyself · 14/12/2025 18:59

bignewprinz · 14/12/2025 18:48

She sounds absolutely pathetic. What an embarrassment at 26!

Wait til the OP finds out what her job REALLY is 🤣

Greyhound98 · 14/12/2025 18:58

Christ I thought she was going to be 16?!
Shes sounds incredibly immature and irresponsible. How has she managed to have so many like minded friends who quite freely wreck someone’s home?
Do none of them have their own homes or responsibilities? I honestly can’t envisage this behaviour from anyone over 18.
She needs to pay for all the damage and move out. She can have a house share with her skanky friends. Then you can go round with your mates, get absolutely pissed, vomit over her bed and damage all her possessions.

GaIadriel · 14/12/2025 18:57

Don't let her just get away with it like usual. If she doesn't pay full rent she must have a fair bit of disposable income.

Bamfram · 14/12/2025 18:55

bignewprinz · 14/12/2025 18:48

She sounds absolutely pathetic. What an embarrassment at 26!

I would be beyond furious and mortified in the OP'S place.
Mind you I honestly cannot imagine this happening in a lovely home.
Our home is lovely and our children are reared to appreciate it.
We are away regularly and whilst there have been numerous "prinks" at ours for up to 20 people, the place has been left unmarked, bar an occasional sticky floor.
She needs to pay in full and move out.
Clearly no consequences have ever registered with her.

bignewprinz · 14/12/2025 18:48

She sounds absolutely pathetic. What an embarrassment at 26!

MostlyGhostly · 14/12/2025 18:43

I’m just trying to work out which celeb and nepo-brat combo the op and DD might be IRL

Muffinme · 14/12/2025 18:38

AiryFairyLights · 14/12/2025 18:32

Omg you are being absolutely unreasonable even asking!!!! Not only should she pay for ALL the damage and cleaning but I’d kick her backside out to the garden shed for a month too!! By the sounds of it she’d still have it fairly good with a garden tv and hot tub!!

Tbh that’s if this is even real 🤣

Show quote history

When I was 17, I had a boyfriend who had his bedroom in his parent’s garden shed because he’d had a party when his parents were away, pretty much the same scenario.

Muffinme · 14/12/2025 18:35

travailtotravel · 13/12/2025 21:44

Well,that's going to cost your daughter a pretty penny to put right!

This

AiryFairyLights · 14/12/2025 18:32

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:40

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

Omg you are being absolutely unreasonable even asking!!!! Not only should she pay for ALL the damage and cleaning but I’d kick her backside out to the garden shed for a month too!! By the sounds of it she’d still have it fairly good with a garden tv and hot tub!!

Tbh that’s if this is even real 🤣

ShottaSheriff · 14/12/2025 18:31

Time for hard lessons - as a minimum a full payment plan for the repairs. A landlord would not be lenient. This shows a total lack of respect for you and your time and money. At 26 that isn’t really forgivable as a childish mistake, this is an adult who has had plenty of time to learn, isn’t showing much remorse tbh and isn’t straight away offering to pay for it all.

ChristmasTreeTop · 14/12/2025 18:31

Shocking behaviour I hope you’re going to hold her accountable for every penny. I think it’s time for her to move out and be an adult as she clearly doesn’t respect your home.

FWIW I’m 26 and have just got married and we own our own home. 26 is not a child.

LadyRoughDiamond · 14/12/2025 18:28

It sounds like it’s time for your daughter to move out. I would serve notice that she has until the end of January to find a flat/room in a shared house. I seriously doubt you’ll get any money out of her for repairs by the sounds of things, but you can prevent it from ever happening again.

Please take this seriously OP. This isn’t the first time she’s done something like this - if you don’t remove her now, you’re basically giving her permission to continue trashing your home.

AllTheChaos · 14/12/2025 18:24

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:49

Oh no, absolutely not!!! She does actual freelance consultancy work, nothing like that! It's very flexible, and I think she also works for a lot of international clients hence why she sometimes logs on during the night. It's just very flexible and ad hoc, and not a conventional 9-5!!!

Show quote history

Mmmm. I knew someone back in the mists of time when I was young who had a similarly nebulous job, with random hours. Not a friend but part of a group who’d all known each other for ever. She was a dealer.

Frugalgal · 14/12/2025 18:23

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:40

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

You're a complete mug if you don't make her move out and pay all the damages. Sweet Jesus, the woman is 26!! I have a 17 year old son who'd know better than to let this happen.

WimbyAce · 14/12/2025 18:22

She is obviously spoilt and has no respect for either you OP or your home. You need to open your eyes.

YourZippyHare · 14/12/2025 18:19

Look, I don't want to be nasty because she's your DD and you love her.

But come on. I moved out at 20, I had a baby at 25!! Plenty of us here were mothers by your DD's age.

She's behaving like a child.

Cosyblankets · 14/12/2025 18:16

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:52

she did cry and looked genuinely sorry when she was apologising to me. She hoovered around and said she'll help get a quote for the worktop

Show quote history

Help get a quote?
So your house is wrecked and the most she can do is get a phone call sorted?
Total disrespect
I was expecting a few drunken teenagers but 26!
She has a FT job
She doesn't pay any rent just a share of bills and groceries.

She must have loads saved.

She's should be paying for it

Bloozie · 14/12/2025 18:08

When I was 16/17/18, I used to have massive house parties when my mum was away. With DJs. They were legendary.

Almost all of them got out of hand. There was vomit everywhere, broken beer bottles everywhere, people having messy sex in my mum’s bed…

My parents never knew. I would clean and wash and replace broken things before they came home, and no matter how rowdy things were or how many randoms turned up, kept control of the crowd. Male friends would evict if necessary.

I have no idea how your daughter, with 10 years on me, couldn’t do the same. I’d be raging.

Nanny0gg · 14/12/2025 18:02

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:49

Oh no, absolutely not!!! She does actual freelance consultancy work, nothing like that! It's very flexible, and I think she also works for a lot of international clients hence why she sometimes logs on during the night. It's just very flexible and ad hoc, and not a conventional 9-5!!!

Show quote history

And does she pay rent?

Anything towards bills?

And if you do claim on the insurance, she pays the excess and any increase on premiums for the next few years

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 14/12/2025 18:00

You sound like a bit of a wet blanket tbh. Pull on your big girl pants and give her some ground rules ffs. Tell her to pull her finger out and get it all sorted and paid for.

Enigma54 · 14/12/2025 17:59

Pedallleur · 14/12/2025 17:00

This. What evidence is there of a job or have I missed that?

Show quote history

There’s mention of some sporadic consultancy work. No contract or set hours. Could be selling face cream??