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Original poster

Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

834 replies

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:40

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

OP posts:
ResusciAnnie · 13/12/2025 22:15

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:14

I think today has made me realise that whenever she has friends round they seem to treat the house like a hotel. Empty glasses left everywhere, takeaway boxes abandoned, no clean up done at all. What bothers me is her attitude as when I tell her to get on it as the house won't magically clean itself she says "we were all tired the next day".

This isn't the first time we've had to clean up after her and her friends, it's just never been on this scale before

Show quote history

Jesus, don’t clean up after her.

Fends · 13/12/2025 22:15

So she was stone cold sober while her mates vommed everywhere and couldn’t even be arsed to use a bottle opener? Has endless energy for partying, sober, at 26? Yeah right. You’re a mug OP, she’s doing drugs.

Frenzi · 13/12/2025 22:14

Thats the sort of thing I would expect a teenager to do.

Of course she pays for it. Why are you even questioning it!

She is 26. She is an adult. Make her be an adult and pay for and organise everything that needs replacing.

Dont let her off paying for it all - you are simply reiterating that what she did was okay.

CallMeDaphne · 13/12/2025 22:14

Why do you have a telly in your garden?

Original poster
MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:14

RosesAndHellebores · 13/12/2025 22:09

Drugs.
What's her behaviour and friendship group usually like?

I think today has made me realise that whenever she has friends round they seem to treat the house like a hotel. Empty glasses left everywhere, takeaway boxes abandoned, no clean up done at all. What bothers me is her attitude as when I tell her to get on it as the house won't magically clean itself she says "we were all tired the next day".

This isn't the first time we've had to clean up after her and her friends, it's just never been on this scale before

OP posts:
hididdlyho · 13/12/2025 22:13

I had to reread that she's 26 a few times. At that age an 'oops sorry' doesn't cut it. She needs to be cleaning up the sick and coming up with a plan to fix the damage. If it was the friend who gave out your address, then that's on them to sort out between them and doesn't excuse DD from needing to fix the mess. I'd also make 2026 the year she moves into her own place!

Winterwonderwhy · 13/12/2025 22:13

You’re still making excuses for her. ‘Only’ 20 people. It takes one or two to wreck the place. She’s 26 a big grown woman.

ILoveLeopard245 · 13/12/2025 22:13

The damage is one thing but the lack of accountability and effort to immediately put things right is also a huge concern. I would absolutely be ensuring she pays for every bit of damage and she would be getting notice to move out. All you have described is unacceptable and her lack of care or respect for you shines through. She is an adult. 26?! Wow. She needs to grow up.

mrsfollowill · 13/12/2025 22:13

I had a party bit like that when I was 15- at twenty bloody six it's ridiculous and would turf her out after she has cleaned up and arranged for repairs/replacement of all the damage. At 26 I had my own house and would never left it be trashed like that- I'm truly shocked how someone of that age could show such disrespect to the family home.100% go to a hotel until it is professionally cleaned- I kept my parents room totally out of bounds and put all their nice things like crystal glasses in there.

K0OLA1D · 13/12/2025 22:12

At 26?! She'd be out

JSMill · 13/12/2025 22:11

Your dd is far too old to be doing that crap. I have a 26 year old ds, who is no angel, and he wouldn’t have allowed that to happen. You need to make her pay for all the damage.

TeatimeForTheSoul · 13/12/2025 22:11

Is there any chance she has realised what she is responsible for and that this has given her the shock needed to get her to grow up?

cgpcbtm · 13/12/2025 22:10

She pays for all of it and she cleans it up.

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 13/12/2025 22:10

Good God, I'd expect that from a 16 year old and her friends, not a 26 year old.

I think it's time she moved out.

BlackCatDiscoClub · 13/12/2025 22:10

I'm so sorry this has happened. It's sounds like you've worked hard to make a lovely home, and your DD has treated it like dirt. I agree with PP who say she needs to take out a loan to cover it. She will not save and get it repaired over time, she might while the issue it hot but over time she will start to begrudge her monthly payment or not bother. She gets the money now, and she gets everything sorted by the end of Janurary. Then she rents a room in a house share.

Thelittlegreyone · 13/12/2025 22:09

If this actually happened, why would you think yabu?

ResusciAnnie · 13/12/2025 22:09

That is appalling. She’s acting like she’s 10 years younger, and even at that age it would be below the bar. How fucking embarrassing. She needs to pay for all the damage and move out. She’s 26, the money shouldn’t be a problem, and she should suggest that herself.

ShineBlueSky · 13/12/2025 22:09

ComfortFoodCafe · 13/12/2025 21:51

Yanbu. Shes 26 behaving like a 16 year old! I would make her pay for the damages and I would be asking her to move out afterwards.

Ask hell, I would be chucking her out a fucking window.

mondaytosunday · 13/12/2025 22:09

My stepson did this - at 16. He lived with us full time and we were going on holiday and he wasn’t speaking to his mother. After several talks we decided to trust him - big mistake.
She should pay. She should also think about moving out.

RosesAndHellebores · 13/12/2025 22:09

Drugs.
What's her behaviour and friendship group usually like?

PeachySmile2 · 13/12/2025 22:09

She’s 26, not 16. Some people have a family and a mortgage at her age. She’s not a child - sounds like you are taking it rather lightly? Absolutely disgusting of her to let it get that out of hand. She evidently has no respect for you or your home.

whiteumbrella · 13/12/2025 22:08

Why hasn’t she cleaned the sick, changed the sheets and removed the rubbish from the hot tub at least?

GingerBeverage · 13/12/2025 22:08

How much rent do you charge her?

If it helps, I’ve read about worse damage. A school friend had her party go on facebook and 400 people destroyed two fences and required police removal. But she was a minor.

I think rent needs to go up to market rates now. Or she can leave.

TheNightingalesStarling · 13/12/2025 22:08

Its a good job she has endless energy as shes probably going to need a second job to pay for the damage plus rent for her own place

DBSFstupid · 13/12/2025 22:08

Winterwonderwhy · 13/12/2025 21:50

What is wrong with you? Why are you even asking if she must pay. That’s the problem right there. She let this happen because she has no respect for you, because you sit asking if you are unreasonable!

Isn't it just.