Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

Yes she should pay you back for everything in full, and then move out. If she hasn't done so in the next week, small claims court.. This is the behaviour of a wayward 14 year old, not a 26 year old.

My dd's 27. I know all her friends. She's had a couple of parties. Odd spilt drink. No issues.

@MyFairGreenTurtle I would urge you to consider drug use.

she should absolutely mortified, incredibly apologetic and actively putting right what she can.

What happened on the night is one thing, the fact she’s not doing everything she can to make amends is another, there is no excuse.

Twenty-six FFS!

She has no respect for you or her home

She needs to pay for anything that needs repairing or replacing.

Don't give her anything for Christmas or her birthdays until its all been paid for and anything you've already bought her, return it for a refund.

If it was me, I'd be taking photographs of everything that's damaged and broken and getting a list of people who were there and reporting it all to the police.

She's massively taking the piss, she's disrespectful and immature and she needs to take responsibility and grow up.

Have you checked that nothing has been stolen?

Fucking hell, I would hit the roof. First thing is that her key is taken off her. She has to request permission to come in and out your home and if she want to go out partying she can stay at one of her many mates houses. She has lost any privilege to have a single friend or boyfriend to come over to visit or stay. She doesn’t like the new rules, she can move out. I’d have never dreamed of being so outrageously disrespectful of my mum’s house. I’d also make her take out a personal loan to pay for the damage, otherwise she’ll throw you £100 and claim she can’t afford it for the rest. Time for her to grow up.

I would be apoplectic with rage 😤
She needs to start NOW with some of the cleaning up , getting rid of rubbish .
You need to take photos of all the damage done and she needs to make amends by organising and paying for in full all the repairs and replacements .
She needs to buy you new sets of bedlinen , new sofa ( or was it the cushions ? ) and so on .
She then needs to find her own place to live .
FWIW my oldest was home alone for a few days aged about 19 ( neighbours knew as did a close friend ) and had different friends over to stay .
When we got home the contents of the larder and fridge freezer were diminished, quite a bit of wine and beer was gone and the kitchen was a little bit sticky like when someone has used far too much cleaning spray .
And she isn’t little Miss Perfect , they enjoyed themselves

Ooh the little cow bag! And too "tired" to even attempt clearing up.

This! I would be absolutely fuming!! She’s a grown adult not 16!! Why did u say yes, after you have said you always have to clean up after when her friends come over?!

I"m truly shocked that a person of 26 would behave like that and have friends who joined her to cause such damage. What kind of people are they so be so disrespectful. I have adult children who would never have behaved in such a manner. Its disgusting. She should pay for all the damage and I'd give her notice to be out and in her home by January. She can trash that to her hearts content.

Id ask her to pay for everything to be put right.

A number of years ago my older brother had a house party 3 months after we had moved in.
Mum and dad had plans to update the living room.
They came back from holiday and everything was tidy.
Fast forward 4 months and it was time to start decorating the living room.
Mum said to dad 'i thought the lampshades were plastic'
It turned out that one of brothers friends had broken the lamp so everyone put money in to replace
6 glass shades. But only one was broken.

That goes beyond immaturity and is just total and complete disregard for anyone else.

I’m the same age as your daughter op and I can’t imagine anyone my age behaving like that. She should pay for the damage she’s caused.

OP, I'd be on the ceiling with rage. Your daughter is 26, not 15 and absolutely she should know better. The damage caused is going to cost thousands. You are definitely not unreasonable to expect her to pay for the damage. I hope your daughter is working, because she's going to be needing the money. The hot tub, TV, patio door, ruined carpet, ruined sofa cushions, ruined bedding, worktop, bathroom door handle, broken chair and sick stained/smelling carpets - will need repairing if she's lucky, replacing if she's not and cleaning. Definitely no more friends over, unless you are there. She clearly can't be trusted, which at 26, is a bloody poor show. Unfortunately, as sorry as she maybe, that's not going to cut it really. The carpets will need a proper clean, so hire a carpet cleaner, which she pays for and cleans herself or she pays for a professional company to come in. That's a task that can't be left. You need to organise some quotes and then tell her how much she needs to pay for each item - don't let her off by paying half, she pays for it all. Perhaps once she realises the cost involved, it will make her think twice about having a party again!

She pays up. And time for her to move out.

Of course she needs to pay.
It'll cost her thousands, but tough, she needs to pay.

This.
She pays for the damage in full, immediately, and if that means she has to get a loan and/or max out her credit card, so be it. Then she packs her bags!

Oh dear, the poor love. At 26 plenty of people are tired because they're working several jobs to pay the rent and bills and even raise children. That's not a dig at you, I think it's awesome when parents help their kids by letting them stay at home, but it sounds like your daughter is taking your generosity for granted.

Sounds like it got wildly out of control and she did nothing about it. I would be asking her to collect damages from her friends and find a new place to live.

So that's the conversation you've had today? About a bit of cleaning? This is going to take weeks to put right - so have you and DH or partner etc sat down with her today and said unfortunately this is beyond disrespectful and we are not sure how to move on from it? Or you just cleaned up what you could and left her to her own devices? I'm not one calling for her to be thrown out in the new year thats your own child, but she needs to come up with a plan for repair and reparation. Otherwise no wonder stuff like this has happened before and will likely again!

Why are you being so passive about this?

I understand you must be devastated at the state of your home, but for goodness sake woman, find some bloody rage!!!

YANBU and she must pay every single penny of damages. That's what you might expect from a teenager but even then I would have lost my shit at that age if my friends were actively damaging my parents house.

House parties are never a good idea no matter how ‘chill’ they are. My daughter had one last summer and I said never again as people get out of hand. They damaged so much of my brand new house and this was with me being at home to keep it to a reasonable level.

At 26 they know better and can pay for everything to be replaced.

Drugs