Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

834 replies

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:40

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 14/12/2025 20:23

You're wasting your time dudes if this is for real, daddies princess will carry on taking the piss and he'll let her.

MrsVBS · 14/12/2025 20:23

YANBU at 26 she is old enough to have her own home/mortgage/family etc, this is something a 15 year old would do and that would be bad enough. Make her do all of the tidying up, arrange for the repairs and pay for them. Totally disrespectful.

SheSaidHummingbird · 14/12/2025 20:19

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:52

she did cry and looked genuinely sorry when she was apologising to me. She hoovered around and said she'll help get a quote for the worktop

Show quote history

She's playing you. The tears? The job? Look closer and ask questions.

Starlight7080 · 14/12/2025 20:11

She needs to pay for everything. And grow up.
At 26 I had 2 kids a house and would never in a million years have done that to my parents house. Even when I was younger.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 14/12/2025 20:05

Newsenmum · 14/12/2025 20:03

What makes you say that? Surely it could be a normal job.

Show quote history

It could be. But if you look at what the OP has said about how little she tells her parents about her job. Seems dodge to me

Newsenmum · 14/12/2025 20:03

MrsDoubtingMyself · 14/12/2025 19:56

It's pretty obvious she's "consulting" on OF and/or an Escort website (imo)

Show quote history

What makes you say that? Surely it could be a normal job.

Newsenmum · 14/12/2025 20:03

Omg the lawn story is awful! Is she taking drugs when doing this?

Mydogisagentleman · 14/12/2025 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 14/12/2025 19:56

Newsenmum · 14/12/2025 19:24

What?

Show quote history

It's pretty obvious she's "consulting" on OF and/or an Escort website (imo)

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 14/12/2025 19:55

Sorry to be blunt, but what a little twat!! Ban her from having any company over again, make her pay for the damages and do all of the cleaning herself

Sunflower1650 · 14/12/2025 19:39

I am ashamed to say that I did something similar, although not quite as much damage, and I was 16 not 26! Definitely old enough to know better and she needs to pay to put it right.

Hollietree · 14/12/2025 19:34

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:24

Because I want her to have a good social life. And tbh I've realised that I have been viewing her as having youthful stupidity (which is my bad).

This has reminded me of an incident when she was 21. She had the same group of friends round one summer evening and despite being asked to stay off the lawn because it had just been re-seeded, they dragged garden furniture across it, spilled loads of vodka on it and did a "slip and slide" for fun. The lawn was completely churned up and we had to re-seed the whole thing. At the time she apologised, offered to help re-seed it but in reality it was left for us to deal with.

Now I'm realising how stupid I've been just enabling her

Show quote history

I’m sorry to say, but it sounds like you have created a monster. You have enabled and encouraged her terrible behaviour. Given no consequences. Allowed her to continue living in your house paying minimal rent, whilst also disrespecting you.

Why does she behave like this? Why do her friends come to your house and behave like this? Because you have allowed it. It’s as simple as that.

You need to tell her that enough is enough. It’s time to grow up and learn some respect.

randomusernam · 14/12/2025 19:33

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:52

She works yes, but she has endless energy for partying and takes very little responsibility for herself

Show quote history

Then it’s time to teach her some! Kick her out and tell her if she doesn’t cover the costs you will take her to court

Witchyvibes · 14/12/2025 19:30

I’d be asking to see that group chat tbh for the real story. Also, while many 26 year olds have proper consulting jobs, I’ve never heard of one this immature and irresponsible, who still lives at home but doesn’t contribute financially.

Marieb19 · 14/12/2025 19:29

For your daughter's sake, I think you must make her pay for the damage and repairs. I would also not allow any further gatherings in your house. There are numerous venues to host parties and your daughter doesn't have the sense, discipline or selflessness to protect your home. You are doing her no favours by enabling her to entertain people with no respect for her, you or your home. She needs to grow up.

Newsenmum · 14/12/2025 19:24

MrsDoubtingMyself · 14/12/2025 18:59

Wait til the OP finds out what her job REALLY is 🤣

Show quote history

What?

sunshineonmeith · 14/12/2025 19:21

@AllyCart😂😭

RightSheSaid · 14/12/2025 19:21

She allowed her frieds to trash your house. She has no respect for the lovely home youve built and nither do her friends. This isnt the first tine this has happened and it wont be the last unless you make her feel the consequences. Id make her clean everything that can be cleaned on her own. She needs to do the work and I'd make her pay every single penny to replace the damaged items. It needs to hurt her because she doesn't seem to understand the value of money or the cost of her irresponsibility.

Elphamouche · 14/12/2025 19:13

Nah she’s paying for the lot and then she’s out.

AllyCart · 14/12/2025 19:13

XWKD · 14/12/2025 17:45

It is possible for someone to have a talent that's relevant to a particular type of project, and to consult on it without having advanced business qualifications. It's unusual, but I don't know why some people are stating that this young woman has to be a porn actress.

If someone has good idea, and knows how to leverage it, and gets the right contacts, anything is possible. I know a woman who is a consultant for major cosmetics companies, but she has no formal qualifications. I don't understand her work, but it has something to do with making creams feel and smell nice.

The OP's daughter is no more a "consultant" than she is a fucking astronaut. 🙄

Newsenmum · 14/12/2025 19:11

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:52

She works yes, but she has endless energy for partying and takes very little responsibility for herself

Show quote history

hmmm ok that’s not good. I was personally over that a lot earlier. This is rhe finalt straw then ans this can be what she needs to grow up.

TrippingOverMyAssets · 14/12/2025 19:11

Well you’re being unreasonable for not letting her have any more parties. You should be throwing her disrespectful arse straight out.

Newsenmum · 14/12/2025 19:10

This sounds like a 16 year old. How upsetting op you have every right to be livid and it’s incredibly important she starts paying to put every bit of this right.

pottylolly · 14/12/2025 19:09

She needs to pay for the damage

JoannaTheYodelingCowgirl · 14/12/2025 19:06

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:49

Oh no, absolutely not!!! She does actual freelance consultancy work, nothing like that! It's very flexible, and I think she also works for a lot of international clients hence why she sometimes logs on during the night. It's just very flexible and ad hoc, and not a conventional 9-5!!!

Show quote history

Sorry turtle but that actually sounds even more suspiciously like shes some sort of cam girl, if she logs on during the night and has international clients.

How many international clients would seek consultancy from some random slip of a girl? And what exactly are they consulting her for???Confused

Sorry to break it to you but your daughter is a cam girl.