Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

834 replies

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:40

Posting in AIBU because I have no idea where else to post this. I think I'm just looking for a hand hold tbh.

My DD is 26, lives at home with us. She asked if she could have a few friends over while we were away for the night last night. She assured me it would be "chill" and that she'd clean up after.

We came back this morning and I genuinely felt sick, I'm shaking even typing this. it turned out to be a full-blown house party. Our neighbours have told us there were people coming and going until 3am, loud music, shouting in the garden.

The damage is what has killed me. There is a large burn mark on the living room carpet (which we got fitted in September) which I think has come from a cigarette. The kitchen worktop is has got a chunk missing out of it and DD has admitted that this was from someone opening a beer bottle on it. One of the dining room chairs is completely broken and there are red wine stains all over the sofa cushions. The bathroom door handle is hanging off and the patio door is completely off its hinges. The hot tub is completely ruined, and this is what has made me so angry. The cover was left off it overnight so it is now full of leaves and empty cans. The control panel is not working anymore and there's a crack in it. The TV we have in the garden is also smashed (apparently it got knocked over when someone fell into it) and someone has also spilled red wine on our bedsheets. There is sick in the hallway and in our room too.

DD says she's really sorry and that this was a result of one of her friends putting something about a house party in the group chat, but apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.

I feel utterly disrespected and I'm livid that she has behaved like this at the age of 26.

AIBU to ban her from having anyone over and insist she pays for all of the damae?

OP posts:
Original poster
MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:32

ThisLittlePony · 13/12/2025 22:28

This. What job does she do? Is it full time?

Show quote history

She works as an independent consultant, flexible hours and she's her own boss. That's what she's told me anyway but she works from home full time

OP posts:
spiderlight · 13/12/2025 22:31

That's disgraceful behaviour. She needs to ensure that it's all put right and paid for, whether out of her own pocket or from her friends (although they don't sound as if they'll be the type to take responsibility). I'm genuinely so cross for you!

fetchacloth · 13/12/2025 22:31

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 21:52

She works yes, but she has endless energy for partying and takes very little responsibility for herself

Show quote history

Then it's mighty time she grew up and learned to take some responsibility.
This is shocking behaviour .

BeardieWeirdie · 13/12/2025 22:31

She needs to get on to her online banking immediately and get a loan to repay you in full for all the damages, and as soon as the money was in my hand, she’d be packing her bags for a grubby house-share where she can party to her heart’s content. If she had any decency, she’d be mortified. Time to stop enabling the brat now, OP.

categorychaos · 13/12/2025 22:31

Sorry OP but I’m embarrassed for you - at this age she should/will know better. Time to come down on her like a tonne of bricks. There’s something in your posts that makes me sense you think this is acceptable or high spirited- it’s not. She’s taking the piss and you’re enabling it.

BMW6 · 13/12/2025 22:30

You've been indulging her all these years OP.

She will wreck other people's homes and things because she is thoughtless, utterly self-absorbed and monumentally spoilt. You and her Father have helped create this Madam.

Time to do the right thing as Parents don't you think?

therearesigns · 13/12/2025 22:30

She needs to clean it up (no excuse if she says she's tired, too bad) and pay for all the damage. Then make plans to work towards moving out. And no friends over again, ever.

Lotsofsnacks · 13/12/2025 22:30

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:24

Because I want her to have a good social life. And tbh I've realised that I have been viewing her as having youthful stupidity (which is my bad).

This has reminded me of an incident when she was 21. She had the same group of friends round one summer evening and despite being asked to stay off the lawn because it had just been re-seeded, they dragged garden furniture across it, spilled loads of vodka on it and did a "slip and slide" for fun. The lawn was completely churned up and we had to re-seed the whole thing. At the time she apologised, offered to help re-seed it but in reality it was left for us to deal with.

Now I'm realising how stupid I've been just enabling her

Show quote history

Why does her social life have to be at your house?! At 26 she can go to her friends houses, who have their own place?? Or go to the pub etc

after the incident with the lawn just mentioned, that group would not be invited back. If I ever stayed at a mates parents house, when younger, would never dream of behaving like that. Please stop enabling and give consequences. She’s 30 in 4 years, time to respect her parents home and grow up

TreesinthePark · 13/12/2025 22:30

At 26 I would ask her to move out. She can find a houseshare with other wild yobs

Okiedokie123 · 13/12/2025 22:29

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:16

we like to do Movies Under The Stars

Show quote history

Ugh, My neighbours also think “movies under the stars” is a marvellous idea. They keep me awake until dawn on a regular basis in the summer.
I surmise that you are therefore probably just as self as your daughter (unless you have a massive garden?)

Delphiniumandlupins · 13/12/2025 22:29

It's really too little too late but if you have cleaned up for her and her friends before no wonder she treats you so disrespectfully. You can carry on treating her like an incapable child or harness your anger and insist she puts all this right. She can clean or pay for cleaners. She can investigate whether your insurance will cover anything (though why should they), she can organise repairs or buy replacements. Stay angry and stop covering for her.

CheerfulYank · 13/12/2025 22:28

Oh I’d be LIVID. I’m livid now and I’m not you! Absolutely go stay in a hotel and have her clean up and then begin working out how she’s going to fix it and pay for it.

ThisLittlePony · 13/12/2025 22:28

Tweedled · 13/12/2025 22:25

Your lovely house and belongings totally ruined by your immature 26 year old.
I would be absolutely raging.
It sounds like you have been far too soft with her up to this point.
I would tell her she has to pay for all of the damage and her friends are not allowed round any more.
She’s a bloody disgrace.
So utterly disrespectful of you and your home.

This. What job does she do? Is it full time?

Kellph83 · 13/12/2025 22:27

YANBU she would be paying for all repairs and I’d seriously think about kicking her out. At 26 that behaviour is terrible. Let her do it in her own house! I hope you’re making her pay OP

Catwoman8 · 13/12/2025 22:27

Your daughter is so disrespectful, she hasnt even attempted to clean up and make right the things she can. Leaving it all for you to do because she is tired is unacceptable, but it sounds like you have allowed her to treat your home like this. Boundaries need to be set and consequences.

Parker231 · 13/12/2025 22:27

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:24

Because I want her to have a good social life. And tbh I've realised that I have been viewing her as having youthful stupidity (which is my bad).

This has reminded me of an incident when she was 21. She had the same group of friends round one summer evening and despite being asked to stay off the lawn because it had just been re-seeded, they dragged garden furniture across it, spilled loads of vodka on it and did a "slip and slide" for fun. The lawn was completely churned up and we had to re-seed the whole thing. At the time she apologised, offered to help re-seed it but in reality it was left for us to deal with.

Now I'm realising how stupid I've been just enabling her

Show quote history

Why is she still living at home?

blankcanvas3 · 13/12/2025 22:27

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:24

Because I want her to have a good social life. And tbh I've realised that I have been viewing her as having youthful stupidity (which is my bad).

This has reminded me of an incident when she was 21. She had the same group of friends round one summer evening and despite being asked to stay off the lawn because it had just been re-seeded, they dragged garden furniture across it, spilled loads of vodka on it and did a "slip and slide" for fun. The lawn was completely churned up and we had to re-seed the whole thing. At the time she apologised, offered to help re-seed it but in reality it was left for us to deal with.

Now I'm realising how stupid I've been just enabling her

Show quote history

God so it’s not even the first time. I would have her packing her bags tonight

NooNooHead · 13/12/2025 22:27

My late DB had one years ago in my parents' previous house. He assured them it would be ok, but of course being a teenager, of course it bloody wasn't.

His lovely arseholes of friends chucked eggs at the front of the house, did some other damage inside then went to the neighbour round the corner, which was the house of another friend, and his friends all carried on the shitty behaviour there. Drugs and drink all involved, I am sure.

Yes, as PP say, find your anger. Be sodding ranting with rage, get her paying for every penny in damages. Tell her to buck up her ideas, behave her age, act more maturely.

Absolutely agree with getting her to move out too. She can destroy and clear up her own house.

Notmyreality · 13/12/2025 22:27

CantBreathe90 · 13/12/2025 22:24

How embarrassing for her 😬 Get her to move out - better for you all, on so many levels!

Don’t think she’s particularly embarrassed. That’s the problem.

Parker231 · 13/12/2025 22:26

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:14

I think today has made me realise that whenever she has friends round they seem to treat the house like a hotel. Empty glasses left everywhere, takeaway boxes abandoned, no clean up done at all. What bothers me is her attitude as when I tell her to get on it as the house won't magically clean itself she says "we were all tired the next day".

This isn't the first time we've had to clean up after her and her friends, it's just never been on this scale before

Show quote history

You seem very relaxed about it - has she now cleaned up, shopped for replacement items and organised payment for irreparable damage?

Changename12 · 13/12/2025 22:26

MyFairGreenTurtle · 13/12/2025 22:16

we like to do Movies Under The Stars

Show quote history

unless you have headphones that is really antisocial

Tweedled · 13/12/2025 22:25

Your lovely house and belongings totally ruined by your immature 26 year old.
I would be absolutely raging.
It sounds like you have been far too soft with her up to this point.
I would tell her she has to pay for all of the damage and her friends are not allowed round any more.
She’s a bloody disgrace.
So utterly disrespectful of you and your home.

CantBreathe90 · 13/12/2025 22:24

How embarrassing for her 😬 Get her to move out - better for you all, on so many levels!

cheddercherry · 13/12/2025 22:24

Sorry, she’s 26?! I can’t decide who’s more at fault here, her or the fact she’s still being enabled to act like a stupid, irresponsible child at this age. So she’s not even bothered the next day to try and rectify it? I’d be so utterly ashamed of her.

AwfullyGood · 13/12/2025 22:24

She's 26 ffs.

She fixes and pays for everything within a week or she finds herself homeless on January 1st.

She needs to grow up and fast.