Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

She needs to pay every last penny that this will cost to put right. Don't let her off the hook - it will be a valuable life lesson if she is irresponsible at 26! And she has to clean the place up, let's hope she has already done so, and you have not done it for her. I get the feeling you have mollycoddled her and cleared up after her generally. Don't do that this time. If she doesn't clean it well enough she will need to pay even more for professionals to do it. Don't be soft about this. I feel outraged on your behalf, how dare she?

You've enabled an adult princess and in return, she and her friends trashed and vandalized your home and outside areas. Now you need a new sofa, new carpet, new dining room chair, new hot tub, new counter, new TV, rehang patio door, deep professional clean rooms with vomit, your daughter had better have some deep pockets to pay for her damage. It sounds like you're talking thousands.

Time for her to be chucked out of the nest. Too bad your neighbors didn't contact you or the police to shut that shit down.

Tearing up the reseeded lawn would have been it for me. She showed you then she has no respect for your home and property and you let her get away with it.

Chuck her out, she won't be partying then, disrespectful if she was 16 but 26, that's embarrassing tbh

I think you have and are being too passive in your parenting OP…. She should be running around the house right now tidying not giving you puppy dog eyes…

1. Any takeaway containers and rubbish go on to her bed
2. Send her a link to buy new bedsheets after yours had wine on it - the fact someone was on my bed would make be beyond furious- she has to buy them within 24 hours
3. Sit her down and tell her till all the damage is done and fixed paid for 100% by her she will be paying you x amount ( my head is thinking £500 per month but that might be too little)
4. once everything is done it’s time for her to grow up and move out and learn what it is to be an adult

Sounds like you have been enabling this behaviour for some time.

Do all these friends still live at home? Why are they behaving like this at 26? You say she had the same group of friends over at 21 and they trashed your garden. And it's a problem if any of them come around.

If they have trashed your place before why on earth did you agree to them coming over. Your original post didn't mention that your daughter was an irresponsible party animal. It sounds like none of them have any respect for you or your home. Ban her from ever having ANYONE over to your house ever again. If she wants to entertain at home, she hires somewhere that takes her credit card first

I’m so sorry to say OP but you have raised a brat.

Whatever her job is, it doesn’t sound legitimate. People with legitimate jobs aren’t evasive about what their roles actually are. Regardless.

I’m not blaming you, my own lovely parents raised 2 normal law abiding kids and then my brother who is a reprobate who would have behaved just like this and had to be forcibly evicted from their home in his late 20s where he had been leeching off them for years. He’d have done something like this at 26 for sure.

You must stop enabling her.

I find it really hard to believe that at 26, not only is she so disrespectful and immature so are all her friends? A party of 20 26yos vomiting all over the house, breaking doors off their hinges and burning the carpet?! And she doesn't drink but loves to party and was so drunk she couldn't get people out of the house? ❄

Her job is an unspecified consultant, up all hours in the night consulting "International clients" (are these clients all male per chance?)

I'm not sure if OP is having us on or is just incredibly naive and a massive wet lettuce, but on the off chance it's real she needs to deal with the mess and move out. Clean up, get quotes, pay for it all. This is not a teenage party gone wrong, shes 26.

Has she got a reasonably good job ? I think you should set up a monthly contribution into your bank account until a good chunk of it is paid back

I would be telling her she needs to take out a loan to cover every bit of the cost of this, or move out immediately.
She's an absolute disgrace.
26 and allowed her home to be thrashed.
Not normal at all, but she has form for zero respect for her home.
She has a fool made of you.
I have adult kids and this is not normal behaviour.

I’d book a couple of days away, at her expense, and tell her that all the damage needs to put put right before your return

I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position, but I’m afraid I just couldn’t forgive this level of disrespect towards you and your home. It would be the last straw for me, she would have to sort the whole mess out, then be gone! At 26 there’s just no excuse for it.

I've never been in your situation, so I don't know which would come first, shaking DD down for every last penny or telling her to sling her hook. What I do know is that I was left at home on my own for a week when I was 17 because I didn't want to go on holiday with my family. It was just me and the cat and no problems at all. As a student, I went to a few house parties - there were no issues that I was aware of and even some compliments about what nice young people we were. Young people are not necessarily feckless and careless, but some choose to be and your DD is one of them. She is well-overdue for a kick up the backside and it will come as a rude shock to her, but not as much as the state of your house was to you. You know, and she must realise, that the coddling has to end and she has to grow up.

To be fair, my mum doesn't know what my job entails because she doesn't understand it (cloud technician). She keeps telling people I work for Amazon.

Although the lack of regular hours, the drugs, partying, and lack of immaturity and nighttime computer sessions point more to OF than freelance consultancy.

Time for her to get her own place to wreck i think! I would never have dreamed of doing this even as a teenager! Although some of my stupider friends did. She absolutely needs to pay for ALL the damage!

I would be absolutely livid.

I’d also be clarifying exactly what her job is, have to admit I’m also a little sceptical about her claims. However if it is as she says, along with the fact she barely pays to live in the house, paying for the damage shouldn’t take more than a few months (if she has no savings). Then time to move out.

Oh dear god, I feel sick reading this. I cannot believe how your daughter has acted at that age. It's awful. I'd make her pay back every penny and give her a deadline to move out!

Just seen that she pays minimal amounts towards groceries with your agreement.

That's me out of here. I have Zero sympathy now. You created this yourself.

Chuck her out. Perhaps you can claim off your house insurance.

Sorry OP but "Independant consultantancy work" sounds like bullshit. I also think drugs have been involved as this is not normal behavior from a bunch of 26 year olds.

The increase in premiums was the first thing that came to my mind.

I'll bet.

So how much does she pay for board monthly or weekly?

I’m a pushover OP and I just couldn’t put up with this. I don’t know how I’d feel about DC doing that to me.

I’d feel violated. The sick, especially. I really feel for you.

So very sorry OP, it's a harsh lesson but personally I would have to charge her for the damages. She has to accept the consequences of her actions which in this case was not monitoring her friend's behaviour.

I do feel for you. I'll never forget how shocked I was the morning after my daughter's 16th birthday garden party - little bastards had actually burnt the wooden garden furniture.

About time she learns to be responsible and to have some firm boundaries! Having friends around and them all leaving empty glasses and take away boxes around is unacceptable. It’s actually disrespectful to you, to your house. If my DC did this to me, I would 100% make her pay for the damage caused and not allow her to have ANY friends arounds since they are “too tired” to clean after themselves!
It looks like you have been way too soft with her.