Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

She's taking the absolute piss.
How hard is it to put your rubbish in the bin, and rinse out your glasses?!
Then this party too. 😳
Just no.
26 years old?!
I could imagine it of a newly found "freedom!" of an 18 year old on realising they can now legally get drunk and enjoy being left alone, but 26?!
Sounds like she takes the home for granted and doesn't think Has she ever actually moved out to be by herself?
Maybe needs to find her own place to grow up a bit.

Definitely! And the disrespect of the friends even going in the bedrooms!

26? This is usually the sort of thing that happens when they are 16 , good grief, I was married at that age and those days were a decade behind me, I would be incandescent with rage

And atv26 this is appalling behaviour, and she needs to make things right.

Oh my I’ve just seen this. She doesn’t drink and allowed all this to happen? Then she’s taking drugs in your house so you definitely need a sharp stern word with her and the partying absolutely has to stop. And when she’s done putting right every little last thing she damaged (and even if it was her friends directly causing the damage it was her responsibility because she hosted the party and she allowed them all in) she needs to move out.

What if the next thing she’s doing results in the police putting your door through at 5 in the morning because she’s storing huge quantities of drugs there?

I’m so sorry OP. Do not for one minute think you are being unreasonable expecting her to pay for things or show responsibility. She is 26 not 16 (although even then I would expect more respect from a 16 year old!).

OP, quickly ring the carpet store. They may still have the carpet you need and could patch it for you. Not exactly what you want I know but better than nothing. Hopefully they will still have the same batch though so the colour will be the same.

My Fitbit vibrated to ask me if I was stressed when I read it!

They don’t, now - since the irresponsible daughter ruined that for them!

Absolutely what I was thinking before I read your post.

It's a good one though, hitting all the right notes to get the audience frothing:

• Damage to home
• Spoiled daughter way too immature for her age
• "Movies under the stars" was an inspired subtle touch, I thought
• The constant enablement and minimizing of past behaviour/invisible to own poor parenting
• Selective responses to certain asks for detail
• The initial vagueness of what the daughter actually does, apart from "girlboss" designed to make us jump to MLM or OF
• Followed-up by some cock-and-bull about having a generic degree yet being some consulting guru to the Fortune 500 at 26.

It's worked a charm though with several posters claiming rage on behalf of the OP, with one even saying they're re-taken up smoking on the back of this thread.

A late - and very strong - contender for "Wind-up of the Year", IMO.

No don’t claim on your insurance. It will increase your premiums and teach your daughter she can do whatever she wants.

She can afford to party she can afford to work to put all this right. If she stopped spending money on partying and going out she’d have more money to replace your things that she damaged. She will also have that extra time to work - either more hours in her current job or she needs to find a second job. She needs to learn money doesn’t grow on trees and she needs to learn some respect.

Maybe she could sell some things she has that she bought like clothes and shoes and bags. Anything bar the essentials really.

Honestly I don’t know why you’re not absolutely seething at this behaviour! As IF you should take the fall for any of it - absolutely not! She won’t learn if you let her get away with it. She will continue going through life being a disrespectful terrible person with no consideration for anyone else whatsoever. Is that really what you want for a daughter?

Unfortunately she obviously hasn’t had to take responsibility so far but now is the time for her to learn.

1. she clears up every bit of mess possible
2. you add up the total cost of replacement and repairs and she takes a loan out for that amount
3. she is never allowed friends round again
4. she starts looking for a new place to live in the new year.

Disgraceful behaviour.

I went on holiday for 2 weeks when DS2 was 18 he had friends to the house and it was cleaner and tidier before I went away

This is the type of behaviour expected of a rebellious 16yo with a free house, not a 26yo. With a 16 yo too you could argue not enough life experience for consequence. But 26? You'd be letting your full adult child have a teenager style party amd funding their wanton destruction. No. I'd be ok helping people who needed it but not talking down neighbours for my kids friends dickhead behaviour. At 26, I'd hope I would have raised my kids how to behave long ago.

Said she’ll help get a quote for the work top?

Never mind that. She needs to GET the quote for the worktop. She needs to take all responsibility for this or she will never learn. The only part you should play is confirming the replacement worktop she has found is one you want. She needs to FIND the replacement work top, pay for the worktop, find a trades person YOU are happy with, arrange for them to do the work, wait in for them coming to do the work, and pay them. And if they damage anything or don’t do the job right she needs to pay for that as well.

She also needs to do the same with the hot tub, the tv and the new carpet she has ruined from her irresponsible stupidity.

I hope you also had her cleaning up whatever had sick on it and paying to replace that too.

Honestly the more I read the more I am astonished at her behaviour.

PLEASE stop enabling this childish behaviour from her.

Hope you have also realised that she is not a very nice person.

I think that is one of your mistakes then - allowing her to have people there when you’d had to tidy up after her in the past. None of these people seem to have any respect. I remember several years younger than her helping the hosts tidy up after any party or gathering - no one would dream of leaving rubbish or dirty pots or any mess lay around.

She would be paying for all the damage and moving out straight away. Disgusting.

She needs to pay for the damage herself.

Well she now needs to divert that energy into working overtime and a second job and she needs to put right every single thing she has damaged - and more.

I can’t imagine showing so little respect for my parents or being so irresponsible at her age. I’d often have friends around to my parents house when they weren’t there (including when I had my own place because it was tiny and needed a lot of work to be suitable for visitors so they’re kindly let me use their home for me to host gatherings and have friends around for a meal) and not one of my friends would dare be so disrespectful either - what kind of company is your daughter keeping?!

She needs to start learning responsibility fast and she needs to do it immediately. No more parties - she needs to replace all your things. Not one day, or eventually - but needs to work towards this immediately.

She’s 26 for goodness sake - not a child!!!

No, you are not remotely unreasonable.

26 is really old to be behaving the way your DD is. Plenty of people are parenting at that age.

Make sure this is the wake up call that ends the loutish behaviour - at least on your property.

I hope you get it all sorted without too much hassle and expense.

26?!?! At this age I had my own house with DP and his 2 children. I had my own child at 29! 26 is a proper adult, not a silly teen. She needs to cover the repair costs and then move out.

The more I read your responses the less sympathy I have.

You've enabled this behaviour. She sounds spoiled and utterly irresponsible.

I'd keep her around until she's paid for every last bit of damage. Then she'd be out on her arse. The coddling needs to stop.

Do not claim on your insurance for this. It will count against you and your rates will end up going up. Maybe not immediately, but if you have another legitimate claim it will be a problem.

she needs to pay for all of this herself. She needs to start by cleaning up the biohazards and the trash. Then honestly I would require her to pay for a professional cleaner of your choosing to do a deep clean. I would also choose your own vendors for doing the repair work. Be fair and get multiple quotes, but don’t let her try to do a cheap job on repairing your home.

going forward, your household rules need to change. She either needs to pay rent or you need to see a rent equivalent going into her savings account.

she should lose the right to have household guests permanently. If she wants visitors she can move out.

if she balks at repairing the damage properly, you may have to sue her. You absolutely should. This is blatant negligence on her part. She isn’t a teenager that didn’t understand the consequences of her own actions.

That’s harsh, OP is just back and probably in shock at it all.