Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

Phone the police?!

She absolutely must have to feel some consequences to this or she will never grow up. She needs to list the damage, take steps to put it all right and use her own money.

That's the only way she will begin to take responsibility.

She's not a child, she's well into adulthood.

She obviously needs to pay back the lot, but I'm afraid to say the bigger issue is that you've raised an unpleasant brat.

I'd be looking at the rest of her life with trepidation if she's like this still at 26.

With that in mind I'd make an itemised bill and repayment schedule and give notice for her living with you. A cold hard dose of reality is your best bet for saving her personality.

Pardon my French, but what the Hell does a 26 year old, one who still lives with mummy and daddy to boot, know about managing a business?

Business consultant my left foot. Your daughter would make even a Nigerian 419er blush.

I'd set a date for her to move out and to arrange to have things repaired/sorted. WHY have you put up with this for so long?????

Your daughter needs to a) pay restitution in full, and b) move out immediately.

I mean, this. Find your backbone with this grown adult taking the absolute piss and ruining your living space.

Jesus! I guess she'll be working several jobs to pay for all that? Because anything else would be unreasonable.

"I'm sorry" is hardly enough.

In common with many others, I am amazed that this is the behaviour of a 26-year-old woman. You are not being at all unreasonable - you should be able to trust someone of this age to show responsibility. We hear about 16-year-olds having parties that get out of hand all too often or students having noisy, messy parties. When l was your daughter's age, I was married, had a baby and lived a long way from my parents. My mother had two children by this age. She should not only pay to clear up the mess she and her friends made, she should apologise to the neighbours for the disturbance and nuisance she caused for them and, as others have said, she should move out of your home in the new year.

It's hard to know where to start.

She sounds like a very young 26. The thing with playing slip-slide on the lawn - that's what 8 year olds would do, isn't it?

And the party last night, not stepping in to stop what was clearly deliberate vandalism - like a 15 year old at most?

Yet he job is a responsible one and she seems successful in it.

Though I say this - have you any idea what she actually earns? Does she have loads of savings, as her outgoings are so low? Or could she actually be earning very little, and lying about how much she works? The job does seem a strange one.

I was also wondering if she could possibly be being abused, either by a group of friends or an individual. As I said, that degree of damage is deliberate. Someone, or a group of someone's, has intentionally done this to her. For laughs? To shame and scare her into complying with them, or just for the joy of hurting someone/breaking stuff, I don't know.

I would also be considering going to the police about the damage - does she know who did it? Inviting people into your home does not give them carte blanche to deliberately destroy all your things. I don't know exactly where you would stand, but I would look into it.

But my main source of concern would be what on earth was going on with my daughter, that she allowed such things.

Also, you say she doesn't drink. Could she have been spiked? This would explain her inability to take action while these vandals trashed your home.

Gosh, you must be so worried. I can't imagine how I would feel if this was my daughter. I hope you get some answers and can find a way to keep her safe.

I would not be claiming on the house insurance

Get her to pay for everything she has damaged

Yes, you must draw a line

-She cleans everything
-Quotes for damaged TV, worktop, hottub, carpet, cushion covers, patio door, bathroom handle + other things I can’t remember. All of it. Within 1-2 weeks max.

She will quickly learn the impact of her actions. Then she pays for all. Tbh if she needs to take a bank loan I think that wouldn’t be unreasonable.

No insurance claims (effecting your premium)

After all booked in, sit down and talk about her future, what does she want? Then she can put a plan in place to move out

She should definitely pay for all damage and not have anyone over again. She should also coordinate all repairs (give her a deadline.) She gets the quotes, runs them by you, she pays for it. It will take a long time to fix all of this (I’m so sorry) and she should bare the brunt of that fully

And here we see the predictable results of enabling adults to enjoy an extended adolescence. There is no excuse for an adult to permit her guests to behave so atrociously in her parents’ home. She needs to do far more than apologise and “help” get a quote to repair the damaged worktop. She ought to arrange for any necessary repairs herself and obviously pay for them.

How pathetic that she is behaving like an irresponsible teenager. Hopefully this will be a wake-up call for all of you. It’s long past time for her to grow up and become an independent adult.

I wouldn’t claim on insurance. This is just more enabling. She should pay, especially as she doesn’t even pay standard rent. Then time for her to move out. Did you ever see the film failure to launch?

You make her pay every last penny for all the damages and then you give her marching orders and let her ruin her own house instead
of yours. At her age I was living on my own.

I'd make her get a proper job. 9am to 5pm minimum and in the office with a clear contract.

So you quit smoking and a random stranger on the internet made you break that because you got so angry on behalf of somebody you never met?

My god, how weird.

Yes, I would organise a repayment plan with her.

I would also give her 3 months notice to find somewhere to live - and obviously no party in the interim.

She should have moved out years ago, it’s a wake up call that it’s doing her no favours living at home, she’s immature and irresponsible.

I would expect her to pay for the full costs and I would be telling her I no longer felt comfortable with her living under my roof. Time for the baby to move out and grow up. You deserve to feel safe at home.

Don't let her get out of paying for a single bloody thing. She has been an adult for years

I’ll admit, I’ve not read all the posts / thread, just OP’s posts.

The daughter comes across as a spoilt, irresponsible brat who has never learned from her previous atrocious behaviour.

It is unlikely she will change her behaviour whilst OP makes excuses for her and is somewhat accepting that her daughter disrespects her without any real, meaningful consequences occurring.

Best wishes OP. I hope you manage to reinstate your home fairly quickly. Building trust in your daughter to do the right thing may take somewhat longer.

A little bit of gentle hoovering? What about getting down on her hands and knees to clean up the vomit? Or was that your job? And what on earth do you mean by she'll "help" get a quote?Can you bullet point exactly what she has done on her own initiative, without any prompting from you, OP?
She has to sort this all out herself.Do not let her disrespect you like this.

26!!! I thought you were going to say 16. At 26 she would be looking for a new house in the new year and paying for all the damage !

Tell her she pays for all the damage done
And once she's paid every penny back alongside her weekly rent, not instead of
She slings her hook
And no "friends" are allowed either to darken your doorstep
I honestly myself would serve her very cold shoulder, not mature I know but I wouldn't care
She's shown no respect to you or your feelings by letting this happen
So never say more than you have to say to her
Stay Frosty