Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

What possessed you agreeing to her having a gathering knowing she and her social group have a track record, and you weren't even going to be there. Did you not for a moment worry that it would end like this?

She needs to find somewhere else to live. Once she has her own home that she pays for, she’s free to let her friends trash it.
Put your foot down OP. No more parties, gatherings or friends round.

If she’s an international business advisor whizz kid, how come she can only try to help get a quote to repair the kitchen work top. How come she isn’t already on it and got all repairs, stains and vomit sorted and new hot tub and tv ordered.
How come she has so little shame and gumption to at least sort her parent’s bed sheets after allowing strangers in her mum’s bed.

OP, she may be top rate in her field of work but I think you should ask her for a list of her clients and then check your own gullibility.

You need to wake up and rule out that her field of work, after her business degree, isn’t simply as a party girl /drug user/ dealer.

Stop enabling her FFS!

Snag the damage and give her two weeks to sort it, given how flexible her work is she shouldn’t have a problem sorting it. Scrub that, I wouldn’t trust this feckless idiot with the time of day, so I would sort it myself and add 10 % for my troubles.

She did this because she’s entitled and immature. You enable it by treating her like a rambunctious tween, as opposed to a grown arse woman who treats your home as a frat house. The fact that she made a vague promise to fix part of the damage, shows exactly what she thinks of you but more importantly, how much of her bs she knows you are willing to accept.

You have done yourself and your DD no favours by enabling her poor attitude.

What are her plans for leaving home? I bet she probably doesn’t have any, given how cushy she has it currently.

I agree I had a mortgage at 22! However, for some perspective, low pay, high rents, lack of rental properties mean young people are living at home a lot longer. My son is, but then he’d never behave like this and if he did have a party, I’d never know as the house would be spotless!

I hope you are banging on her door right now getting her up nice and early on a Sunday morning to clean…. Madam rested the day after the party so she should be full of beans to tidy now !!

This is highly disrespectful and not what 26yr old woman do to their parents house. Yes she should be 100% responsible for the damages and have it all paid to be fixed. We allow our teenage kids to have parties and there is no way they are this disrespectful of our home. Our 21yr old has all her gathering in our home as we have some property and an entertainment area. They all camp out in the yard or have blow up beds in the living areas of the house as we dont allow drinking and driving and for the most part every time they clean their mess and wash up before they leave. I think its time for your daughter to move out and stand on her own feet and maybe she will have more respect for your home or her own home.

I hope you are making her pay for all the damage including a new carpet.

Come on OP, give your head a wobble

"Endless energy for partying", doesn't drink alcohol yet makes incredibly poor decisions, no energy the next day - drugs

International business consultant at 26 yet with seemingly no actual professional or business experience - Only Fans and/or drugs

A consistent group of similarly inclined, wild disrespectful and destructive friends, at 26 years old? - drugs

You need to wake up and smell the coffee (or a line of whatever your daughter is putting up her nose), and stop enabling her.

You need to know who did what and for there to be witnesses. The legal process would cost a fortune and get nowhere. Meanwhile the DD is willing to get things sorted.

For those thinking you can't have a responsible job and behave like this, you've obviously never partied around people in finance, or journalism.

26? Trashing her parents’ house? Time for her to move out!

Obviously she pays for the damage and no more parties.

Your daughter crying is all very well, but it sounds like she'd done next to nothing to really sort out the damage. Had she ordered a new TV? Or dining room chair? Tried to call out a repairman for the hot tub (she hadn't even cleared out the leaves and cans so this seems unlikely)? Anything of any substance? Did she seriously leave the sick in your bedroom until you got back? Has she cleaned it now? And what do you mean she promised to help get a quote on the worktop - she needs to be actually doing it. She should have started already. You can "help" by telling whether what she's organized is good enough. If she looked genuinely sorry I think that's more to do with her acting ability than her sense of actually being in the wrong - her actions do not shout some one hwo is genuinely sorry for trashing her parent's house. They shout someone who things it's okay really because in the end you'll sort it all out without hassling her too much.

When I was 19 and at home from uni for the summer I had a house party that got out of hand while my mum as away for the night. A mattress was burned, a window broken, there were stains on lots of things, sick in three different places, and some torn up plants in the garden.

By the time my mum got back on the Sunday evening, my friends and I had cleaned the house from top to bottom, repaired the window, painted a couple of walls that were stained and not coming clean, and replanted the garden.

The burnt mattress (just the springs were left) was still on the patio because the dump wasn't open on a Sunday. But we'd done everything we could to get things back to the state it had been in. We took the mattress springs to the dump on Monday. Because i was genuinely sorry - so I did everything I could to make sure my mum didn't have to live with the negative consequences.

Your daughter is taking you for a mug, OP.

Agree with most that it's a toss up between pushing her to pay for the damage ASAP, or kicking her out. She deserves both.

I don't understand this. In your first post you wrote 'apparently DD made no effort to get these people out of our house because she was so drunk.' (She? Surely not her friend in this context????)
In a later post you said 'See the weird thing is she doesn't drink.'
I struggle to believe that anyone could be stupid enough to allow this kind of behaviour to take place, or not have any idea about what their adult, living at home DD does or tbh that any of this really happened. But I do rather like the artistic verisimilitude of the 'we like to do Movies Under The Stars'.

I'd be raging. She's a grown woman not a 15 year old. Yes I'd ban her from having people over and yes make her pay for everything.

What conversations have you had with her since. Literally all you’ve said is she ‘hoovered up and offered to get a quote for work top and cried a bit’.

that is way too little and too late.

who cleared up the sick?
who emptied out the hot tub?

As for the damage the hot tub sounds like a right off. The carpet might be able to be repaired but may also be a right off.
The chair sounds irreparable so will you need to replace all of them so they match still?

the damage is one thing but it’s the total lack of motivation to put it right afterwards. Your original question was should you ban her from any having any more parties? That is 200% the wrong question. At 26 you should be discussing why she thinks it’s ok to avoid the cost of living crisis by benefiting from a heavily subsidised life by living with you and then treat your place like crap and have zero motivation to put it right. Her position in your house should be hanging by a thread and she should bloody well know it.

you say you’re seething writing this. Does dd actually know this?

She needs to move out and learn a bit of responsibility.

If it was her own/a rented flat, she would not let her friends treat it that way, or if she did, she'd pay the price.

Stop infantilising her, she's 26! She is an adult, she needs to live like one, you need to stop enabling her to continue this bizarre extended adolescence. You are doing her no favours.

This is awful!!

You file a Police report for destruction of property.

You take her to Court and sue her for damages.

Is she still living at home? Kick her out.

She needs to get her own place.

To also echo a PP, when i read the title of your thread i also thought you were talking about a 5 year old’s birthday party being chaos.

Omg what am I reading.

You are all taking the piss with attitudes and laziness in different ways. Time for her to grow up and move out as she has crossed a line. She needs to do far more than ‘get a quote’ for one thing. And you need to stop babying her and also wake up.

She's 26, time for her to grow up. Stop making excuses for her, she earns a wage and can pay to sort all that has happened to your house put. She can also organise all of it and start paying a proper rent or move out. If she can't respect your home at 26, then perhaps she should find her own to mess up. 26 is a proper grown up, it is not normal for someone her age to behave like this.

The real issue here is she has no respect for you, the home you have created, or the privileged lifestyle she clearly lives - enabled by the fact she lives at your lovely home.
You’ve said it’s not the first time. I’d get a quote for all the works to remediate everything, and I’d make her sign to agree to pay the lot back.And I’d hold her to account for every last penny. I’d also advise her that given she has behaved like an irresponsible child, that is the level the house rules and boundaries will be set. And if she doesn’t like it she is welcome to find somewhere else to live. No more house parties would be the very least of the punishments.

Accidentally clicked ‘unreasonable’ trying to scroll but you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable!! What terrible behaviour from one adult towards another! And what kind of adult guests are these?! Poor poor you….sending hugs and sympathy xxx