Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

26, FFS!!! That’s the behaviour of someone in their early teens! She sounds incredibly immature and indulged. Make her pay for the damage, not just so it can all be fixed, but as a lesson to her.

I tried to quote your post about wanting to make sure she had a social life. Why? She’s 26 not 10. She can go out to pubs and clubs. However, I would be concerned about the total idiots she’s hanging round with. They all need to grow up and she needs to find better friends that set a better example to her.

After all this has been sorted and put right, make her move out. Not as further punishment but because she should have moved out once she got a job, like normal adults do. You’re not helping her at all but treating her like a child.

This happened to one of my friends when we were teenagers

your daughter is an adult. She needs to pay for the damage

why do you have a tv in your garden?

I really want to know what your daughter's actual job is, I think this is your priority to find out.

I'm sure all of us went to parties as a teen but the most the damage would have been would be mess and a sick stain on the carpet and a very unpleasant bathroom needing a really good scrub.

I don't think the level of damage you have experienced is normal for anyone, never mind an adult. I don't think you are quite grasping this level of wtfuckery

Obviously

OP I think YABU. Not because you’re upset or because you want her to clean up and pay but because you seem to be acting as a bystander in all of this.

I would be fucking livid! YABU too for letting her have her DFriends around after the lawn incident.

She’s entitled and selfish but you have to take some of the responsibility for that. Parenting isn’t just about providing nice things and experiences, you do have to try and make them into functioning adults, which is the bit you seem to have struggled with.

How are things today and what are your plans? Is she going to help or are you and your DH sorting everything for her again?

I’d give her an invoice for every bit of damage. Sounds like you’re letting her get away with it. She’s hoovered and will “help “ get a quote for the worktop?? Doesn’t sound remotely like enough.

She needs to take responsibility for cleaning and repairing every last bit of damage. Don't fix it yourselves like you did with the lawn. It won't help her long term, she needs to know that nice things don't just magically appear - your carpets and hot tub and nice kitchen equate to a lot of hard work.

Presumably her friends are all adults? If they are decent friends they would have woken up mortified at what they have done and she should be able to ask them for contributions for repairs as well as assistance cleaning today. If they leave her to shoulder it all that's a life lesson for her in choosing friends.

She's 26..i moved out and rented/got a proper job at 19.
She needs to grow up and you need to stop making excuses for her behaviour, if that was my child they would either be moving out or paying me back for all of the damages. She has clearly been spoilt rotten and you have enabled the behaviour and dependency.

She pays for it, no more parties, and now might be the time for her to consider moving out.

Limited sympathy I’m afraid, as she has form and you are enabling it each time. Sorry OP, but she should be paying you rent and being less selfish and entitled and you have helped create and enable that.

If it we me, I would tell her she has until January 1st to find another place to live. Then I would change the locks. 26 is old enough for full responsibility.

Well here is your daughter's chance to show that she is sorry and sort the entire mess out.

I would put in writing a list of all the damage caused and tell her that she has 3 months to replace or repair everything on the list and sort it out herself.

I'm not sure insurance will pay for damage caused by drunk people that were invited round.

I would suggest your daughter gets in contact with these friends and makes them pay their share of the damage.

Oh come on, if this is true then why has she never had any consequences to her actions? She did this at 26 and all 20 of her friends and acquaintances were likeminded? At 21 you told her to stay off the grass and they dragged furniture on it and made a slippy slide.

Nah.

Oh my goodness 26?!! I thought you were going to say 14/15!!! What odd behaviour - absolutely she should pay for it but also what 26 year olds did she have round?

I'm only 2 years older and no way any of us would be behaving like that at someone else's house. Also shocked she hadn't made any efforts to clear up before you got home.

She can put some extra content on her freelance Only Fans and pay up for the damage.
Once she has paid and everything is spotless again she needs to move out.

Agree with both parts of this.

You should have a good idea of what the carpet will cost to replace, OP, given that it's relatively new, and it should be easy to find out the cost of replacing the tv and the hot tub online. I doubt if you'll get wine stains out of the sofa, so check out the price of that, too. Did the red wine on your bed get as far as the mattress? Add the cost of replacing it to the cost of new bedlinen if so!

You'll probably need to get quotes for rehanging the patio door and replacing the worktop, then add on the cost of a professional deep clean and tell her exactly how much she owes you.

Once she's paid for all the damage, I'd be asking her to leave home, too. Then she can trash her own place when she wants a party.

Bill her. She now owes you and can pay back in installments. Then ask her to start looking for a place of her own. She is old enough, and treats you too badly to still be with living with parents.

She would be paying back every penny from another home, she would be out if she was mine. I’d be making her pack right now.

Even if you are able to claim on your insurance your premiums will double next year.

....and I very much doubt she is a freelance business consultant....

Time for her to pay up and move out.

Of course she should pay - I can’t believe you are even asking. I’d also be telling her to find somewhere else to live. She has betrayed your trust.

I’m angry for you @MyFairGreenTurtle shes disrespected you and your home.

She needs to pay for the damage and then move out, it’s about time she grew up.

At 26 she should know better!

Best way to learn to respect a home is to have to pay for your own subpar one. She’s living in more luxury than she can afford but treating it like a party tent

I’d be asking her to move out. She can try the rental market and see how many parties she can host in a 5 bed house share with no living room. Maybe living within her means may force her to get a proper job , and also teach her to respect her home and others in her home. She’ll also see her friends’ behaviour in a different light when she’s the one tidying up after them and getting flack from her roommates about them.

You have enabled her and if she continues to live with you, that’s a strong message that she can cause criminal damage and you’ll still sweep it under the rug. At this point it’s you disrespecting yourself and your home.

If you have accidental damage insurance you could claim, however read the policy careful as if you imply the party guests were unlawful trespassers your claim will be denied.

Would insurance pay up if the resident stood by whilst things were trashed?

Anyway mover her out.

Goodness OP. I hope you read every single post on here and really understand the responses to your own posts. The complete disregard for your home. The alleged job. It’s not all piecing together.

There is something very suspicious going on. I don’t think your daughter is being honest with you. She needs to fully reimburse you for ALL damage. You must make her pay. She’s walking all over you. She’s 26. Excuses wouldn’t wash with me. Pay up and leave.

At 26 she should be moving out or paying you back in full!!
It would be different if she was 18 and all her friends were teenagers but that is completely unacceptable for a 26yr old!