Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

I would get her to invite the “friends” who came to the party over to yours today. Make it seem breezy and like you aren’t there.

when they arrive show them the damage to your house and tell them how disrespect you feel. They all caused the damage. I’d be telling them I’m expecting a contribution from them all. And that if anyone knows who specifically damaged the carpet, work top & TV could they say so they can be billed the cost of replacement which if they won’t pay you can inform the police of criminal damage.

Bloody hell OP. Your DD has zero respect for you. She would be out on her ear if my DD behaved like that. And yes, unfortunately you have enabled her by constantly cleaning up after her and not charging her a proper rent. It's time she lived in the real world and then she won't be able to piss all her money up the wall.

Probably echoing everyone else, but why are you keeping her in this state of suspended dependency? She's 26, working full-time, cash to spare, and for some reason she's still living at home and not even nearly paying her way. She's acting like an 18yo because that's how she's living. Charge proper rent or encourage her to move out to a shared house where she can party her socks off. It'd be different if she was super responsible and had almost saved up a house deposit by now, but you're letting her live rent-free in what sounds like a pretty swish house and she completely takes it for granted, as ofc she would, because she's not learnt the value of anything.

But that is what we pay insurance premiums for. Sure, it wouldn't be claimable if OP had caused it, but it should be claimable in these circumstances.

Honestly? She’d be lucky to still be allowed to live there. Damn right she pays for the lot. Right now, even if it means taking out a loan to do it. If she won’t, she gets out immediately.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Do you do Candlelight Suppers too?

I would go nuclear.

My 25 year old lives st home with us snd is so respectful of our home. I can't even imagine this kind of scenario.

Sorry @MyFairGreenTurtle I am afraid I am in the “this is most likely not true” camp. This is beyond anything in every way:
The level of damage from a 26yo
Just 20 people did this
No attempt to clean up
Improbable job from home at odd hours wotrking with international clients
Your laissez-faire attitude

Insurance doesn't work like that. You should be able to claim for most things other than soft furnishings.

This isn’t meant to sound like I’m looking down on your daughter. But - I’m 26. I have a house, I have organised tradespeople to come and work on it. I take care of the maintenance. She is capable. She’s nearly 30. It sounds like she will never learn unless you kick her out. Years down the line, I would guess she’d say it was the best thing you’ve ever done for her.

The only hesitation I’d have - they were 100% high on something. The amount of absolutely crazy decisions to cause that much damage? So if she’s struggling with substance abuse she’d need help before she goes.

But regardless - she can sort this out and it needs to be to the standard you expect, not the first person she finds. It sounds like you have a beautiful house, the work needs to be good. I’d be absolutely livid if someone opened a beer bottle on my worktop even if it didn’t smash! Let ALONE all the other stuff… I am so sorry - I’d feel like my world had ended if I’d had all of that done to my house. It’s like burglars have come in! ❤️

She does not give a shit about you OP.

I am aghast that she would do this to anyone, let alone her parents.

I would actually take her key and tell her to leave. She seems to have many 'friends', so let her go and live with one of them.

Given that she has done this before, albeit in your garden, you have shown her the zero sum of any consequences. I wouldn't be able to look at her, she would be out!

I’m sorry but you’ve enabled her attitude. As much as we like to think we are being nice, we’re being a doormat and that’s how she’s treated you.
personally I’d now give her notice to find her own place. Stop friends coming over and get her out. She has zero respect for you or your possessions and it won’t get any better. You’re just a cash cow now with an endless supply to fix her stupidity. Sorry, It won’t stop until she moves out. Every time you go away you’ll be on pins wondering what she’s doing.

You have enabled her to show you and your property, complete and utter disrespect - and you have allowed it for years! This is harsh, but you have the daughter you deserve and you have done her no favours to become a mature and respectful human being. Her tears and justification, and excuses do not cut it. At 26 and working, she should absolutely pay every last penny to replace and repair the damage. It is your home, not her party house! I would be pointing out suitable alternative accommodation for her to move into, to live the way she wants according to her own means, once it has all been sorted.

She should pay for the damage. She's too old to be so immature, my 16 year old wouldn't allow this happening in her home.
I would request at least £100 per month for a few years from the selfish woman-child.

26!!!!! 26???? At 16 I would have murdered her doing this much damage . At 26 if she wanted a house party she needed to buy herself her own bloody house to have it in!! At 26 I had my own property . Many of my friends were married! This is madness.
She immediately organises and pays for all the repairs. Once this is done she moves out in January. I cannot understand how a 26 year old thinks it's normal to have a house party in HER PARENTS HOUSE!! Who are the wasters who would attend such a party and then wreck the home? Is she a drug addicts or something?

Why is she still living with you? She's on her way to 30 with a decent job. Time for her to launch. She has no respect for you and you're enabling her perpetual teenagerhood.

If she's not paying rent she should have savings so she needs to pay for a professional cleaner, a new hot tub, and a new work top at least.

Then you need to give her notice to move out in the new year so she can give you guys space and gain some responsibility and independence. I don't think you charging her rent will give her those things, I think it will make her more entitled.

If she can't afford to do so then she needs to work more or get a stable job

This is 100% her fault and repairs should be on her.
Remember that, don’t get embroiled in paying some or sourcing replacements.
Remember. It’s on her!

You need a plan for her to live elsewhere and you cannot ever leave the house with just her in it for the night because you can't trust her - sorry.

She has obviously got a reputation among her friends and you demonstrated 5 years ago with the lawn thing that you wouldn't take her damaging the place seriously.

Wow! She is 26 years old? This would be bad if she were a teenager but, at 26, this is absolutely shocking.

She needs to move out as soon as possible. This needs to be one of the consequences of her actions along with paying for the damage. She sounds like a spoilt brat.

OP, you are avoiding answering a lot of the questions, but I can understand that you must feel quite foolish when you read back your original post and updates. Your daughter has friends over that never clear up after themselves, instead you do it. This hasn’t happened once or twice but multiple times. You then allow her to have the same group of friends over and they actually causes thousands of pounds worth of damage. The most she will put herself out is she will help to get a quote for the worktop. And you ask AIBU? Bet you will be giving her an expensive Christmas present, maybe replace it with a new carpet.

Tell the over grown spoilt brat to move out and get hwr own place. She sounds like an immature dickhead

This!
But first she'd be clearing up the mess and the sick.
I'd be asking to see evidence of her income and helping her sort out an immediate financial loan to pay for every penny of the damage. She needs to get all the quotes for repairing the damage and replacing any broken items.
Then I'd also charge her a realistic rent.
Then I may consider letting her have visitors in the house again, one at a time, and she'd certainly be clearing up after them herself.