Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

I would get costs to replace / repair everything damaged and she 6 months to pay you back (1/6th per month). No negotiation.

What does she earn?

26?! She should be sorting everything out and paying it all herself. Not just helping get a quote. Why are you treating her like a young teenager?
You're not helping her grow up, she will never be independent.

I’m not buying this freelance consultancy line. What was her previous work that she experienced enough to be a consultant on? She’s only 5 years out of uni.

I have international clients but they don’t expect me to get up in the middle of the night. I agree with others it might be OF.

You're showing your inexperience with opening beer bottles 🤣

You put the edge of the crimped cap on the edge of the work surface and thump the top while pulling the bottle down and out at the bottom.

Cap comes off, sometimes with the edge of the work surface!

I'm not sure why you're allowing her to get away with this level of behaviour, OP. She's demonstrated absolutely no respect for your home or belongings and doesn't actually appear to be sorry (or she would have taken some sort of action, like cleaning up).

I would go to a nice hotel for the night, tell your daughter to clean absolutely everything in the house and garden while you're gone; and tell her she is to pay every penny for replacing absolutely every single item that was damaged, and you want to see the deposits she's paid suppliers for replacements within 1 month. If she refuses to pay or the place isn't sparkling when you get back, she's to pack her bags and go stay with her friends until she finds her own place to rent.

You have a TV in the garden?

Having read through your updates, by the sounds of it you've facilitated your daughter's behaviour over the years not to mention her friends'. I don't know anyone in my friendship circle would tolerate it from their children.

A serious conversation about respect for you and your home is long overdue and a bit more help not just " hoovering" and "helping to get a quote". It's definitely time she found her own home.

You are being unreasonable for even asking if you are being unreasonable!

At 26 I had two children, a mortgage and a part time job, because I grew up, them sort of parties were expected when I was 16-21. Why does she live with u? Is she a spoilt madam? My guess is yes!

She needs to pay for ALL the damage and never allowed mates founds for drinks let alone a party. If she doesn't like it, tell her to grow the fuck up and move out, don't be an enabler.

Think insurance carves out intentional damage by invited guests. It does when we house swap anyway.

What upsets me is damage there has been some effort to do. At dds it was obviously accidental but actually breaking inanimate objects is next level particularly in over 18s.

Is this a joke? OF COURSE it’s not! Someone living in the property has welcomed a load of drunken idiots in off the street and done fuck all to stop them trashing the place. It doesn’t sound remotely accidental. No way should the insurance company (which basically means everyone else who has a policy and pays premiums) pay for this. I wouldn’t even try to claim.

Unless there is a specific policy for “my daughter is a stupid disrespectful brat and I’ve let her have a party in a house full of valuable stuff” which I doubt…

I also don’t buy the “I was too drunk to stop them” excuse. I’ve been pretty drunk but the minute anything hard core happened I sobered up in an instant. She could definitely have called the police, or asked a (half-sensible) friend to. She was either enjoying it herself or knew you’d let her off with a few waterworks.

That's not how people open bottles on counter tops. They use it instead of a bottle opener by banging the top of the bottle hard against the corner of the counter which usually pops the metal top off, but can equally take a chunk of counter with it

This.

She needs to pay for what can't be covered in the insurance and she either pays a proper amount for her rent and expenses (with a plan to move out) or she moves out.

I can't get over the fact she's 26. She sounds like a teenager and you're enabling it. Time for her to grow up.

Surely if someone is hitting a glass bottle that hard against a worktop the glass would break first? Just my opinion anyway.

Not that hard. If a drunk person was trying to smash the bottle cap off on the edge of a stone or wood worktop, it could take a chunk out. I don't know that now is the time to slag off the OP for being remiss in the flimsiness of her worktops really.

What kind of flimsy worktop do you have that opening a beer bottle on it would take a chunk out of it! Scratch and mark it yes, but actually break it, hard to believe.

Suspect this might be a joke because surely no one could be that naive.

Sorry but this is an absolute clusterfuck all round and you’ve got to get a handle on it, for her sake as much as yours.

She’d be given a firm date by me to move out. End of. She’s 26 not 16. And behaving like a stupid, entitled dick with no respect. I think 2 months is reasonable.

You letting her live at home is not only enabling this attitude but also her very dodgy sounding job. Christ only knows what she’s doing but I’d put money on it being illegal.

She would be paying for the damage- every last penny. I’d probably get it done and pay up front myself just because it’s my house, but I would write it down and keep a record of every penny. And make her a contract to sign to say that she owes me the costs and agrees to pay it back within a year- then it’s a legally binging debt. I’d be clear that she’d be getting no Christmas presents at all this year (but I would put the money towards her debt to me) and not until it’s all paid back. If you’ve bought stuff for her, send it back/ sell it.

I’d even stop doing things for her whilst she’s still with you at home- no cooking, cleaning, washing, lifts etc. Obviously no money. If she doesn’t respect you and your home, you are not going to help her out.

But if you do this you have got to stick to it. She sounds like she has no fucking idea of how to behave and you’ve got to bear a bit of responsibility (I think I would have kicked her out after the lawn incident). But you need to sort this out now before she ends up in prison.

Shocking. The repairs and clean up should not cost you a penny. At 26 she needs to be sorting and paying for everything to put this right. I probably would have walked out and expected that at least she’d be cleaning up and changing sheets in the first instance. Least she can do. Then I’d be listing all the things that need sorting and telling her she needs to do it all. Helping with quotes isn’t enough, she needs to pay and arrange it all. She can order a replacement tv today.

I’d then be massively upping her rent. You’ve been too soft on her with that. Unless you’ve been charging minimally to allow her to save a house deposit, in which case case how much has she saved? You need to have some serious conversations with her.

Finally, if she’s got her own business, paying a few bills here and there and hasn’t actually been saving to move out, I’d probably kick her out. Time to toughen up.

Great. So you want every other person insured with that insurance company to contribute to the clean up for this little party in increased premiums? The woman who caused it should pay. It sounds like the first time in her life she'd be held accountability for her actions.

🤣🤣🤣

Op is she teetotal or was she drunk? You say both of these things and they contradict each other.

You've trained her well.

She needs to get a quote for everything!!! Op I'm sorry but you need to come down on her like a tonne of bricks, this is unacceptable.

Tell her this level of disrespect has meant she should start planning on moving into her own home in the new year (where the 'friends' are welcome to come and trash) but this situation has meant she can no longer stay in the family home.

I'd have never, ever dreamed of doing this to my parents when I was a teenager never mind a 26 year old! This is awful.

they dragged garden furniture across it, spilled loads of vodka on it and did a "slip and slide" for fun.

she has endless energy for partying and takes very little responsibility for herself

Oh come on!

And you thought that this was just the person to trust?
🙄

Struggling to believe this whole scenario that someone would behave like that at 26 and also ops weird passive resignation.

If true found the hot tub damage particularly upsetting I love mine and am very careful with it.

Dd2 aged 17 had a big party recently. There was some minor damage mainly caused by drunken clumsiness by boys. They did clear up and Dh was able to fix the damage. Nothing compared to what was described here and they are 10 years younger.

She had a post prom all girl big party not one issue. Sorry boy mums but think we’ve worked out who the party house trashers are..

My 15 year old son would never let a friend damage our property. And he knows he needs to tidy up after himself and friends. Is there a backstory here because it seems so weird,