Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

I'm really shocked that she and her friends have treated your home like this. I would insist on her getting a loan to pay for everything (if she doesn't have the cash) and once she'd paid up I'd tell her it was time she moved out. If you pay for this and put up with it then you'll be seen as even bigger mugs by her and her friends.

Bloody hell OP. When I was 26 I had two school- age children and a mortgage. She's not an adolescent anymore. You need to seriously up your expectations of her.

Sorry she's let you down so badly. But she needs to experience grown-up consequences to learn grown-up responsibility.

I think you're going to have to embrace a concept called parenting, OP.

I'd call the police

Vile, disrespectful pigs.

We've allowed ds1 a couple of house parties and one of them got out of hand with about 50 people turning up instead of 15 🙈 We definitely had 'clean up' to do, with a few poorly-cleaned up spills. But no damage other than one smashed tumbler, for which an extremely pissed and apologetic 18 year old tried forcing a £20 note on dh to cover it 😂

In your shoes, I would itemise every single bit of damage and make sure dd paid for it. Every single bit. Then after that, she'd have a months grace and then i'd be telling her what her rental costs would be in future.

Your daughter has behaved like a teenager might. She needs to pay for all the damage and move out in the New Year. Sorry, but you have enabled her and this needs to stop, which it will when she leaves. And do not help her any more financially. Hard love is the only way.

She needs to pay for all the damage, and hopefully start looking for her own place.

Its ridiculous that a 26 year old couldn’t keep control - I’d be furious.

Well, in that case she will have plenty of money to fix all the damage, pay for replacements and for a deposit to move out!

Of course she will be paying.

Of course that is the reasonable solution.
She is an adult.

Are you in the habit of babying and infantilising her? The fact you're even considering yourself unreasonable for treating her as an adult (she doesn't have the excuse of being 15) suggests that you might be.

She should not only pay for the damage, she should be doing the work of finding replacements and people to do the work.

A 26 year old should have a better handling on situations whether there were unexpected guests or not. She sounds very immature and thoughtless. I would definitely stop her socialising in your home - she is plenty old enough to go somewhere else! And she should pay for the damage.

OP, she’s 26, there have to be hard, real consequences for her for this.

She needs to move out.

I agree that this is totally out of order especially at her age; I’d make her pay for all the damage and then ask her to leave home. Take her key off her and don’t tell her when you’re away - she’s not on your side - you must be heartbroken.

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Yeah there’s no way she’s a freelance consultant mate. You’ve been had. Why are you believing her crap? I mean, I would just laugh at that if mine tried to pull that.

This is crazy. You want her to have a social life so you allow her to destroy your property?

Tell her it all needs to be sorted and paid for by a specific deadline or she needs to move. I think she needs to move anyway.

At 26 I was working in a foreign country, renting a flat with my own furniture (IKEA). Visited my parents 4 times a year.

You need to raise your expectations in terms of what your daughter can do and she needs to step up.

I've never been at a party where this happens! If I saw someone acting up at a friend's house I'd get them kicked out, she needs to have a think about the friends she invited especially the one who extended the invite.

She should be paying for everything to be repaired, everything. The fact as well she didn't lock your bedroom and there's wine and sick in it, you know someone probably had sex in it and have you checked there's nothing missing before you give her her final bill.

You let her off with this you're doing no-one any favours, you're just helping shape someone who is inconsiderate and completely selfish.

Oh dear me. Its some sort of escort/OF work. Your daughter has really done a number on you 🙄

Christ when I was 26 I was married with children and in a professional job, not acting out a storyline from a shit 00s teen flick.

Ah who didn’t act like this at 26? She’s just a youngster. Oh wait, at 26, I lived independently, was saving for a house, had a highly pressured professional job and wouldn’t have dreamed of acting like this. Nor would any of my friends, many of whom were already on the property ladder, had good jobs and some of whom were married and starting families. I would have been beyond disgusted at any of my peers behaving like this at 26, genuinely. She sounds out of control and a total disgrace. I’d want the name of who broke the telly and the worktop and I’d threaten to report them to the police for criminal damage unless the damage was paid for immediately. And she would be out on her ear.

If she works and contributes little she must have savings, I'd say all of the costs need to be paid by her and I'd be having a serious talk about moving out. That's not acceptable and totally disrespectful. I'm not too much older than her (32) but by 26 I was moved out and having parties in my own home, none of them had any damage like this. Especially if she's not drinking she should've been on top of it. She wasn't, because she doesn't respect you or your home, what other reason is there.

Why does she think these people are her friends? They aren’t or they wouldn’t behave that way. I would get quotes for everything she needs to cover the cost not you. If she isn’t going to do that she needs to move out. I would be asking her to go to therapy she sounds immature and struggles with friendships and priorities.

You've obviously done this many times 😂

Wow. I was married, working and had two children at 26. I’m 28 right now. I do not know anyone my age or slightly younger who behaves like this, it’s appalling. You NEED to be really tough on her here unless you’re willing to pay for it all.

YANBU. I’m 26 and live at home. I’d never dream of having a party at my parent’s house. Let alone this. You can either claim on your house insurance or make her pay for it all.