Need a hand hold - never again letting my DD have a party again!

Not fall to "us" it should be fall to "her".

She and her "friends" caused this so she can bloody well pay for it

You said she's getting a quote for the worktop and has run the hoover around, what else has she done? What about the revolting puke being left, the hot tub etc

It sounds like all shes done is run the hoover round which is absolutely nothing although its all youd expect her to need to do. As her and her "friends" have trashed the place, it sounds like it needs far more than just running the hoover round

Have you cleaned stuff up for her?

I know shes your daughter, but time to stop treating her like youre her slave. She caused the damage SHE deals with it. ASAP.

If id allowed this to happen to my parents home, they would have come down on me like the biggest tonne of bricks. But they'd taught me respect so I wouldn't have let it happen.

She hasn't incurred any consequences for her and her friends treating your home like trash on all the previous occasions, so she knows youll just act as her personal maid. Id have been told in no uncertain terms so what if youre tired, the pizza mess etc is cleaned up, by YOU. Stop cleaning up for her, shes the one who was tired on previous occasions, but thats from staying up and partying etc, so its her fault shes tired, its absolutely not an excuse to let her get away with not tidying up HER mess. Put the mess on her bed, if its in your way

After the slip and slide "incident" you should have made her pay for the new turf. And banned those friends from the house. Stop caring so much about her social life, if she wants to treat places like a nightclub, she can go to an actual one

You need to light the biggest fire under her spoilt bratty arse (sorry thats what you've enabled her to become at this point) and demand she pays for every single penny. She needs to get her backside into gear to make your home livable in (leaving the sick is utterly repulsive). Until it is, she pays for you to stay in the hotel

If she's staying living at home, she starts paying a decent amount of rent (on top of repaying all damages they've caused). Her "friends" also sound like utter knobs so you ban them from the house. She wants to socialise, she can go to the pub or wherever with them. If she's "her own boss" that's very convenient, as she can fit another job around her current one (if it exists) to pay for all your damage. Preferably she pays you up front via a loan etc, otherwise she will start wheeling out excuse after excuse to get out of it (e.g. had a lot of costs this month, cant afford it)

Shes 26, I was also expecting a 16 year old (even then this would be unacceptable). I feel sorry for any future partner at present.

Read her the riot act and stop letting her take the utter piss out of you and your home

Also, she's clearly a lier, as you said "she doesn't drink" but her excuse for not being able to deal with these yobs was that "she was too drunk"....

Most of it has probably gone up her nose.

When you say us you mean her

Your title re 'letting' your daughter have a party - I think this reveals a lot about your own attitude to her, because this is language I'd expect from the mother of a 14 year old.

Have you all rather set in a decade old pattern of behaviour and attitudes where none of you have developed and moved on?

Well you've all been foolish, which is less excusable in parents than in a young adult. The warning signs were already there from previous gatherings of her friends at your house. As she's been paying a subsidised rent to you, she should have a good chunk of savings by now so some of that can go towards the repairs and then she can move into an HMO or look for a room as a lodger. I actually think you should be on the hook for some of the costs as this was a disaster waiting to happen and you did nothing very effective about it.

she personally needs to clean up the vomit.

I would sincerely hope that the vomit would have been cleaned up by now seeing as the OP started this thread at 9:40pm on Saturday.

I like the idea of making her pay via a payment plan and then kicking her out when its paid.

I realise it's too late now because you've likely cleaned it all up and promised little princess that everything is okay, but surely it's criminal damage and should have had the police called? How can it be anything other than willful damage by those who attended? Might have finally shocked your daughter in to realising just how unacceptable her and her friends behaviour is.

She's 26?

26??????

She will pay for all of the damage. It will run into thousands.

Get estimates from reputable trades and look up reputable suppliers of items like the carpet, chair, TV, hot tub, etc. Hauling away of ruined stuff should be included in the bill. A thorough professional cleaning needs to be thrown in too, and she personally needs to clean up the vomit.

DD needs to make plans to move out. Does she have enough common sense or savoir faire to live independently though?

I can’t believe what I’m reading here. I have 2 young adults (25 DD and 22 DS) and while both of them had their fair share of drunken teenage shenanigans, neither of them would have treated their home anything like approaching this in a million years. At 16 this would have been bad enough but at 26 this is just beyond terrible, both the behaviour at the time, and the aftermath.
OP you’ve created a monster and it’s not just the party behaviour. It’s beyond time to bring your spine back online and get this irresponsible brat that you’ve enabled sorted out, pronto.

or make them pay through the nose for the privilige of living in their own home.

Well, most people have to pay to live in their own home. It's called rent/mortgage. Unless you mean the privilege of living in their parents home, which the parents pay through the nose for.

Now we see why she's such a baby at 26 because the parents keep cleaning up after her parties so when it came to the big one of course mum and dad will sort it hence why no rush to sort it before you got home...my siblings and I had many a party in our teens and I have a lot of them and never ever would we have disrespected our parents house never mind over the age of 20 wtf ..why she living at home anyway we had all left by mid 20s got our own places or families now...the only reason someone of 26 gets away with this behaviour is because they've got away with a lot of other behaviours for years to

I would definitely make her clean up and pay for the repairs and replacement of damaged items and she should want to as this is her home just as much as her parents. I wouldn't throw her out though, that's way OTT but I know MNs toss their kids out at 18 or make them pay through the nose for the privilige of living in their own home.

The op isn’t actually going to make her daughter pay for or fix things or move out, that’s how the dd got to 26 like this. The op will say im really angry and you need to pay for this… then never follow up

So insurance doesn’t cover it so how much is it going to cost her to make good @MyFairGreenTurtle

Your daughter needs to pay for all the damage and sort out the repairs. The issue isn’t really the friends. They only treat your place badly because she lets them. And they’re probably not really friends at all if they cause that level of damage and don’t offer to pay for the repairs - they’re just using her because they can have wild parties at your house. I bet if she had her own place it wouldn’t get damaged like that. After they destroyed the lawn I wouldn’t have allowed another party. She’s not a little school-aged child who needs help making friends, she’s an adult. I recommend she starts by asking the people who caused the damage for the money to cover the cost of repairs.

Can't believe what I'm reading. I would be asking her to pay for the damage, and then to move out. Holding a huge house party whilst you were away was disrespectful... Not even attempting a clean up and using the excuse of being tired is way beyond that.

Cool story bro

Love the fact that you assume the OP is a Daddy. (It's daddy's princess btw - daddies is more than one daddy).

So, daddy has come on Mumsnet asking for a handhold ? 😂

I think the parent characters in this story would be mummies. Two of them.

I’m sorry this has happened to you OP .
Given everything you have described, & to be fair it’s awful altogether the damage that was caused .
I would be very grateful there was no injuries or God forbid a fire , everyone sounds like they were hammered at that party , & that everything got out of control, anything could have happened.
I’m sure your daughter will want to pay you back .x

"hard-earned" cash?

We're thinking not.

If I had treated my parents' home like this after drinking I'd be completely devastated. Her reaction to this is everything.

26?
Heck at that age I wouldn't dream of having that kind of party
Of course your not being unreasonable to ban her from hosting parties at your home and to expect her to make right the damage shes caused

I’d be disgusted with my 19 year old doing that (he never has, we’ve left him alone overnight/for a few days a few times since he was 17). For a 26 year old, that is absolutely disgraceful.