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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be told to put in £20 to cover presents for team leads

113 replies

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:18

So I work in a large team, I've been emailed along with the rest of my team by one of my colleagues to put in £20 each to cover a gift for our 2 seniors, their manager and and the reception staff.
We've had our office night out with no money paid towards it and no gifts from senior management. The seniors and their manager are on significant more money than the rest of us and tbh I've had some issues with one of the receptionists being quite rude to me.
AIBU to think its a bit much to ask for? There's about 15 or so in the team.

OP posts:
Neverflyingagain · 13/12/2025 22:35

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 22:29

Yes we're public sector too.
Id much rather give money for our cleaners who come in everyday and empty bins, clean kitchen and hoover

Show quote history

I was also public sector and agreed that the lowest paid folks who keep the place running should get gifts but probably don't.
What happens if a grateful patient brings in a box of chocolates or biscuits for your break room? Surely that's okay?
You need to hold firm on your position over this. It should be voluntary, so the whole writing names on envelopes, chasing people up, could be seen as harassment.

wrongthinker · 13/12/2025 22:29

I'd 'reply all' saying that you're not going to be putting in for a collection for senior managers as that is... well, I'm trying to find a professional way of saying 'fucked up'... Okay, got it: Thank you for the invitation to contribute towards gifts for senior managers. I won't be contributing on this occasion as I feel that such gifts are inappropriate and unnecessary.

Original poster
Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 22:29

Daisy12Maisie · 13/12/2025 22:27

In addition to what I wrote, me and the 4 people I directly manage then jointly buy a bottle of wine for the people who are then below us. So each level of management buys for the one below. I help the people I manage pay for the wine for the level below them.Im the only 1 in my team at my level, then there are 4 of them at the level below, then 12 at the level below them. It is never expected to buy anything for the level above you.
Its public sector so nothing comes from the company.

Yes we're public sector too.
Id much rather give money for our cleaners who come in everyday and empty bins, clean kitchen and hoover

OP posts:
Daisy12Maisie · 13/12/2025 22:27

In addition to what I wrote, me and the 4 people I directly manage then jointly buy a bottle of wine for the people who are then below us. So each level of management buys for the one below. I help the people I manage pay for the wine for the level below them.Im the only 1 in my team at my level, then there are 4 of them at the level below, then 12 at the level below them. It is never expected to buy anything for the level above you.
Its public sector so nothing comes from the company.

Original poster
Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 22:22

MannersAreAll · 13/12/2025 21:56

3

So they're planning to spend at least £50 per person?

That's ridiculous in the current financial climate.

I wouldn't be contributing at all.

Yes if everyone contributes I'm guessing they'll do £50 vouchers or similar.
The joke is we're a Frontline NHS team and been told explicitly and through policy we are not allowed to accept gifts from members of the public we work with yet then asked to pay for gifts for the non public facing staff

OP posts:
Happyher · 13/12/2025 22:20

I wouldn’t be putting that much in and wouldn’t expect to put in a collection for more senior staff unless it was a normal thing to collect for leaving or special birthdays for everyone. I was a single parent with 2 kids and most of my spare money went on them.

Whatsthatsheila · 13/12/2025 22:20

Fucking brown nosers some people. Tell them “absolutely not”

Daisy12Maisie · 13/12/2025 22:17

Really inappropriate. I would feel terrible if the more junior staff members got me a Christmas present. I buy wine for the 4 people I directly line manage. That’s normal where I work. Nothing major. It was £7 per bottle. It’s a gesture. They don’t buy me anything and I would think it was a bit odd if they did. They did all send me text messages with their regards when I suffered a bereavement recently. I thought that was kind. Gifts from them absolutely not necessary at any time.

I wouldn’t buy my boss a gift for Christmas. It’s just not the done thing. I did sponsor his unwell son but I think that is entirely different and personal choice.

If I was you I would say no as they earn more than you.

My mum was a nurse and at Christmas the drs would put on a buffet for the nurses to show their appreciation. The nurses didn’t pay as they learnt less.

CranberryCandyCane · 13/12/2025 22:15

The place I used to work was like this. We’d all get something like an individual lip balm out of a multipack or a 39p hand gel from Home Bargains. But asked to put enough into a collection to get all the seniors their favourite large bottle of alcohol (or two) along with extras. It used to annoy quite a lot of people.

RessicaJabbit · 13/12/2025 22:11

And so what if the person being paid 2-3x my salary didn't get a share if my £20.

I'm sure they wouldn't even notice

RessicaJabbit · 13/12/2025 22:10

Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:54

Would you just not pay and avoid the whole thing?
Its difficult as certain staff feel its their responsibility to organize the collection

I literally wouldn't engage in the situation.

If they come and ask, I'd say "no thanks, I've got bills to pay".

Blogswife · 13/12/2025 22:07

Absolutely not. As senior manager I used to buy gifts for my team, not the other way around !

MermaidMummy06 · 13/12/2025 22:06

This happens in my office. Bosses earn huge salaries while we're paid absolute minimum. This year, I refused to contribute to bosses gifts.

Especially when they are slashing the 'bonus' gift card we get at Christmas to less than they get from staff!

Nope. Not from me!!

MannersAreAll · 13/12/2025 21:56

3

So they're planning to spend at least £50 per person?

That's ridiculous in the current financial climate.

I wouldn't be contributing at all.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/12/2025 21:56

Support and premises, fair enough. They're not paid enough in the first place and generally get treated like crap.

Management, though? Fuck off.

Original poster
Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:54

Would you just not pay and avoid the whole thing?
Its difficult as certain staff feel its their responsibility to organize the collection

OP posts:
dicentra365 · 13/12/2025 21:53

Ponderingwindow · 13/12/2025 21:51

Gifts flow down at work. We gift the support staff and only the support staff. They get pretty generous gifts once everyone pitches in a tiny bit.

Absolutely this. I’ve never heard of this anywhere I have worked.

Ponderingwindow · 13/12/2025 21:51

Gifts flow down at work. We gift the support staff and only the support staff. They get pretty generous gifts once everyone pitches in a tiny bit.

DappledThings · 13/12/2025 21:50

AppropriateAdult · 13/12/2025 21:47

In a workplace gifts should flow downwards, not up. YANBU.

Completely this. I paid a reasonable chunk for some drinks for my team's lunch. I'd be mortified if anyone junior to me was organising a whipround for me. If someone suggested it to me to collect for my seniors I'd assume they were joking. It's so weird.

Original poster
Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:48

MannersAreAll · 13/12/2025 21:48

They shouldn't be demanding money at all. They should be asking, if they want to take on organising, for contributions and then working out the split from there.

Out of curiosity, how many reception staff are there as £300+ being split between them could be a lot as well

3

OP posts:
MannersAreAll · 13/12/2025 21:48

They shouldn't be demanding money at all. They should be asking, if they want to take on organising, for contributions and then working out the split from there.

Out of curiosity, how many reception staff are there as £300+ being split between them could be a lot as well

AppropriateAdult · 13/12/2025 21:47

In a workplace gifts should flow downwards, not up. YANBU.

Original poster
Hettiejane · 13/12/2025 21:45

MyDogLikesKayaking · 13/12/2025 21:42

Can you share the wording of the email to us? And we will draft you a suitable response.
did you get asked/ what happened last year?

I can paraphrase it,
Basically one member said the managers have been working hard to support us this year and we should show our thanks, they have said to cover all the people we need to put in £20 each.
Last year I can't remember what we did, likely everyone gave into separate collections for reception and the managers, dont think we collected for the senior management though

OP posts:
MyDogLikesKayaking · 13/12/2025 21:42

Can you share the wording of the email to us? And we will draft you a suitable response.
did you get asked/ what happened last year?

Owly11 · 13/12/2025 21:35

Just don't do it. Can't believe you need to ask.

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