£5,200 a month in this situation…

You shouldn’t have paid for everything for her for all this time really. But you were very kind and she’s a complete pisstaker.

PS I've just seen she hasn't even given you a token gift for your birthday...

I'd really push this... @IneVan

Id say... In view of you completely misleading us... Please repay the 600£ or shall we say 1k to cover the last couple of years?

She may well say... You offered...

But this was only on basis of her continually misleading you!!

This....

I would deffo challenge her though...

If it were me... I just couldn't NOT challenge her... (and I'm as scaredy cat of conflict as they come!)

This doesn't sound like you've been subbing her the odd cup of tea;
It's been drinks /meals and all the other stuff you've funded on the basis of her being 'skint' ..

It sounds as if it's once a month and drinks /coffees... Easily what? £100 plus a month...?? 😱😱

Ask yourself if you had a spare 100£ monthly would you have chosen to give it to her??

Further, It's been chronic... a LOT of money over the years.... As others have pointed out you've been subsidising her massively... And EFFECTIVELY PAYING OFF HER MORTGAGE EARLY!

I'd be appalled!

" Dear userfriend...

I was more than surprised/astounded when you told me that you were clearing over £5k monthly... This is more than DH and I combined!!

You've consistently pleaded poverty over years and you've accepted LOTS of pub/restaurant visits on us... At least x a month for x time...

This has meant we've been greatly subsidising your lifestyle (overpaying your mortage).... I find this jaw dropping /appalling...

I feel really put out(bloody annoyed) out that you've misled us(conned us) this way... If we'd had a SPARE £100 monthly, we wouldn't chose to give it to a friend earning so much more than us.

Now depending whether you want to preserve the friendship... I'd suggest she pay for you for next 6 months/for infinity..

If she baulks at this... I'd dump her..

Your 'friend' should be more than comfortable on that, if they got their marbles together

I think you’re asking the wrong questions. Whether she feels hard up is up to her. Whether you subsidise her is up to you.

Yes 5.2 is 90k with no deductions

Why are posters saying she doesn't get 30 hours childcare. A net of 5.2k is not 100k, that nets to 5.7k.

She should get it on that net pay

She can defo afford her own meals out and drinks.
I discovered when I was in my childbearing years that my definition of skint ( hand to mouth, not enough overdraft left to get to the end of the month) was very different to others definition of skint (can't put 1200 this month into my well funded ISA).

Actually yes she prob earned just under £100k with that take home or even if she earns over she'll be putting enough in pension to qualify. She'd be stupid if she's not.

It's plenty with or without free childcare! It's over 60,000 pound a year and that's after tax so she must be on a salary over 100,000. How is anyone debating whether or nt it's enough to live in? You do all understand that it's irrelelvant what her mortgage is- large mortgages are not mandatory- that's her choice! If it's leaving her short she should have made different choices about her housing!

I don't understand how people don't think to themselves, well actually I don't want to be subsidising my friend's social life.

There are cheaper ways to socialise. and according to op these meetups happen every month. she must have spent thousands on her 'friend'. I bet op won't see her for dust once the op stops the freeloading.

£90k with 10% pension contributions = £5,224 take home pay.

It's a decent wage outside London/South East.

It really depends upon housing costs, pension contributions and childcare costs.

Shes not paying for drinks. Lunches abd dinners as she's paying her mortgage iff with that money. I'd just say, sorry mate, but youve more money coming in than us so funding you is going to stop, forthwith.

That could also be the case. So as well as the OP overpaying CFs mortgage, she's also helping her enhance her pension.

Just stop then. Might be too late for the past but you can say no now.

Some of that £5200 could be maintenance so won’t be included.

Well she's clearly taken you fir a mug @IneVan but you've certainly helped her.
Its not all her fault. Didn't you stop once and think hold on here?

She will get the funded hours as 5200 a month after tax is less than 100k a year (that would be £5700 ish). She’s on 90k ish. Maybe more if she’s paying into a pension too to reduce her taxable income.

Won't get free nursery hours on that salary, it will be recouped via tax code the following year.

That's not the point. The point she is making is lifestyle eats salary, so it's individual. But even then mortgage isn't exactly lifestyle. It's luck for many. If you bought the same thing in 2010 vs 2024, your mortgage would be very different

Does she also get maintenance from the other parent?

Forget the money and consider whether you really think this sponger is a friend, willing to take handouts from other people. You have to question their values, surely, and whether they're someone you want in your life.

My husband and I are both high earners. We haven’t got pots of cash due to having Sen child who the state refused to provide an education that meets their needs. We pay a mainstream private school to provide this instead. I’d say 1/3rd of all private school parents are in a similar boat. Scraping money together to provide an education that meets their needs needs of their child.

We get by though as we earn lots and (apart from the massive mortgage) live cheaply. You cannot say people aren’t intelligent just because circumstances such as ours mean that we have to funnel a lot of our earnings in one direction. Our only other choice was for one of us to quit work and home educate and that would have been a far more expensive option. So we took the intelligent option which means we are skint. Plenty of high earning people have costs which they couldn’t have factored into their calculations and you haven’t comprehended.

If high mortgage high childcare she probably doesn’t have much left over after other bills. Life as a single parent can be depressing as no one else to share the load and she may be thinking i’m earning all this but as all pressure on me i’m not seeing the rewards. She will in time but right now she probably just stuck in a rut.

But im a single parent on a much lower income although no childcare now and cheaper housing area. I would never ageee to night out/lunch/coffee if wasn’t prepared to pay. Even with my auntie who invites us and always pays i still offer to pay.