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Original poster

Should I do all the housework because I have no job?

165 replies

lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 19:48

Five months ago I left my job because my mental health was a mess.
My partner has a full time job.
Now I’ve been contributing exactly the same as when I had a job as I had savings (made sure I had enough to support myself)if anything I pay more than my partner.
Since I have no job he does nothing now and says I have to do it all.
I do all the cooking ,cleaning ,washing ,shopping.
He will get in from work and just throw his clothes where he stands.
Last week I wasn’t well and didn’t tidy as much and he made feel awful about it,said it was my job and I should be doing it all.
If I’m knackered one day and I just ask him to make me a cuppa he won’t or if he has to put the bin out he will kick off about it.
He hasn’t made a cup of tea since I left my job.
Hes been speaking to me horribly if o dare ask him to do anything (like change cat litter )
”I have a job you don’t,you need to do everything”
I was ill last week and he just watched me do everything (on the two days he was off )
Hes a total different person outside,kind and nice to people ,always helping people but he’s totally different with me now.
The way he has spoke to me lately has been horrible.
Its like he now sees me as his slave and that’s all I’m good for.

OP posts:
ShesTheAlbatross · 13/12/2025 20:00

Octavia64 · 13/12/2025 19:51

If you are still putting in 50:50 on finances then housework is still 50:50

So if a woman earns less than her partner, should she do more of the housework to compensate?

Maybe you do think that. I do not.

ShesTheAlbatross · 13/12/2025 19:59

Pallisers · 13/12/2025 19:52

If my husband didn't work I'd expect him to do all the housework.

Why? OP is contributing to the bills same as she always did. Why is she now responsible for being a servant to a perfectly competent adult?

Personally I’d expect my partner to feel that we should both have equal time off. Not watch me go to work full time and then expect me to do half the housework as well.

That doesn’t mean I don’t also think that OP’s partner sounds like a shit.

MumOryLane · 13/12/2025 19:57

Octavia64 · 13/12/2025 19:51

If you are still putting in 50:50 on finances then housework is still 50:50

Aye right! As if you'd ever say that to a woman!

Jk987 · 13/12/2025 19:57

Alpacajigsaw · 13/12/2025 19:52

There’s a difference between doing a bit more because you have more time and being treated like a skivvy. Sounds like he’s doing the latter, the cheeky bastard

This.

GanninHyem · 13/12/2025 19:56

If you weren't contributing to bills I would say fair enough, most of the housework would fall to you. However you are contributing and they also doesn't amount to making him every single drink and him treating you like a skivvy. I know people are quick to say LTB but think about th future, if you have kids, or get sick, how will he treat you?

Original poster
lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 19:55

I really didn’t know if I was in the wrong to feel this way that’s why I posted tonight.
Last week because I wasn’t well I didn’t keep on top of the washing and he couldn’t find any socks so that kicked him off.

OP posts:
Alpacajigsaw · 13/12/2025 19:55

As of now OP, stop doing his cooking, washing at least. Cleaning I guess is trickier if you want the house to look decent and shopping if you are buying a general food shop, but let him wash his own pants. The lazy cunt

Velvetgoldmine · 13/12/2025 19:53

So why are you tolerating this sort of treatment? He doesn't sound loving or supportive. I would expect to do more of the housework if I wasn't working but a complete refusal on his part to help at all is unacceptable, especially when you are unwell. Dont allow him to treat you this way.

Ikeameatballs · 13/12/2025 19:53

I’m not sure that your job was the cause of your mental health problems!

When my partner didn’t work yes, I expected him to do most things but not everything and certainly not eg making my drinks, picking up laundry from the floor.

Get a new job ASAP, anything, and use your savings to get out of your domestic situation.

Original poster
lulu55xxx · 13/12/2025 19:53

I pay exactly the same as I did if not more.
I don’t mind the housework but just to not even make a cup of tea for me
We will be sat ready for bed and il have to unplug the firestick then he lies on the bed and I set up the tele.
Its everything now

OP posts:
Alpacajigsaw · 13/12/2025 19:52

There’s a difference between doing a bit more because you have more time and being treated like a skivvy. Sounds like he’s doing the latter, the cheeky bastard

Pallisers · 13/12/2025 19:52

If my husband didn't work I'd expect him to do all the housework.

Why? OP is contributing to the bills same as she always did. Why is she now responsible for being a servant to a perfectly competent adult?

Octavia64 · 13/12/2025 19:51

If you are still putting in 50:50 on finances then housework is still 50:50

NoSoupForU · 13/12/2025 19:51

If my husband didn't work I'd expect him to do all the housework.

But I think your issue is more how he treats you. He sounds vile.

Pallisers · 13/12/2025 19:50

No it is not your job.

He is horrible. Why are you with him?