Playdate hell - am I being OTT?

60 replies

GrumpyOldWoman2 · 13/12/2025 18:50

Had a playdate today with school mum and I’m still a bit ??? about it.
House was a mess. Not “oh kids live here” but actual dirt. Crumbs everywhere, sticky floor, random half-eaten food just… out. The kids were running round screaming while the mum sat on her phone saying “they’re fine”. Are they though?
Mine (4) kept coming over to me because it was so loud and she didn’t know what to do. No activities, no plan, just turn the TV on and let them go feral. They were eating crisps straight off the table. One kid wiped his nose on the sofa. I wish I was joking.
I know I’ll get “lower your standards” but surely basic hygiene isn’t too much to ask? I’m not expecting museum-level cleanliness but maybe wipe the table before inviting people over?
Also I got the vibe I was being uptight because I didn’t want DD climbing on the back of the sofa or eating food she’d dropped on the floor. Is that really so weird now?
Left early and DD asked why it was “so noisy and dirty”. I didn’t really know what to say.
AIBU to just… not do playdates like that again? Or is this just normal and I need to get over myself?

OP posts:

vanillalattes · 13/12/2025 19:03

The dirt isn't great but I wouldn't expect activities at a playdate.

MagicStarrz · 13/12/2025 19:01

No activities, no plan, just turn the TV on and let them go feral

The house being dirty is not great and I wouldn't go again.

I don't usually put the tv on during a play date but I wouldn't expect activities. The children will usually just play.

Justmadesourkraut · 13/12/2025 19:00

Ghastly's too strong a word: but your account brings to mind a play date we endured with a lot of dog poo around.

However, we have also had dodgy playdates at some very clean houses too. And some great feral ones. It's all trial and error. You'll find your people.

(Is DD an only? I was and do remember always being shocked at the noise on playdates with siblings.)

FuzzyWolf · 13/12/2025 18:57

You have different parenting styles and will find this a lot as your child gets older.

I hate play dates but my house is always relatively tidy and it’s clean underneath any clutter that hasn’t been put away. I think places must be in need of cleaning if a four year old notices but noise is fairly standard especially if there are other children in the house.

Justmadesourkraut · 13/12/2025 18:56

Tinkly laugh to dd, and breezily say 'Oh, everyone's house is different' as anything you say risks being repeated to the other child - and then politely decline a return visit.

Sounds ghastly for playdates, but the kids can rub along together at school.

Grapewrath · 13/12/2025 18:54

‘Turn the Telly on and let them go feral’ just about sums up my parenting tbh.
You snd this Mum obviously have different parenting and lifestyles. It’s a good opportunity to explain to your DD that in life, people make difference choices and like different things.
No need for hand wringing, Just move on with your life. You’ll be ok.

Cheepcheepcheep · 13/12/2025 18:53

Not going to lie ours can be a bit of a mess at certain points in the day but my god I’d be mortified if it was like that for a play date!

W0tnow · 13/12/2025 18:52

I think things are pretty bad when your kids notice the the mess and dirt. Sounds grim.

ComfortFoodCafe · 13/12/2025 18:52

How well do you know the mum? Is she a good friend? Or a random nursery/school mum?

Whoevenarethey · 13/12/2025 18:51

How well did you know the mum?

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