We’re away for the weekend and DP is as grumpy as hell

Are you going to keep putting up with his terrible behaviour. When you look for a new beloved make sure it is someone who enjoys life ,has a good sense of humour and is more compatible with you.

Op I really hope you are going to end this relationship when you get home. No way would I stay with such a miserable bastard. I’m glad you went out he sounds controlling tbh. Please dump.

What are his good points?

If you don't live together, just dump him, as I assume no financial ties.

Hope all is well with you @bagpuss90

im taken back to my first serious relationship, which was with one of these. Looking back I can’t imagine why it took me so long to wake up to our absolute incompatibility.

We had exactly the scenario you describe. Turned out all he was interested in was having sex, his saying he wanted to sleep just meant he expected sex. Sadly he wasn’t very good at it and I didn’t know enough the time to explain what I needed to enjoy the experience.

it took me nearly ten years to shake him off. He went through the usual histrionics others have described above. I can honestly say that every.single.day, no matter how challenging, is much better for not having to deal with him on top

So glad you took yourself out and had a good evening without him. Hope you can work out how your life will unfold with and without him. Stay strong, do not let him back whatever stunts he pulls. You life will just get better and better.

This is one of those threads where I won’t hesitate to say LTB, you deserve better.

Glad that you went out. Try to do that more often, not just when you are pissed off with him. Getting used to being comfortable in your own company is the most liberating thing that women can do. I have been to many things/places alone, restaurants, bars, cinema, theatre, holidays, weddings and concerts. The relationship sounds miserable and unhealthy - even if it didn't start out like that, its what it is now. You don't live together, you don't need to waste more years on him.

@bagpuss90 hope you're okay this morning?

This. Imagine wasting your one precious life dealing with an antisocial bully who expects you to capitulate to his will all the time.

Life's too short for shit like this. You deserve better.

Mine too. The OP hasn’t updated since the angry texts then him being asleep.

Did you ask hm what he does "fancy"?
Because if he says just sleeping here in the hotel room ,that would be the opportunity for you to say you dont "fancy" that and to tell him you are going to leave or do something you do fancy....

His behaviour is telling you loud and clearly how much he values you and your time together... Hear him. Get rid of him today. You are worth so much more.

I said that to my DH this morning as this thread has played on my mind. I do hope your ok

Hope you’re safe this morning OP and busy at home changing your locks

I'm glad you had a nice night, @bagpuss90, and you didn't let him ruin it.

But...eight years? Not living together. He has no friends. He's grumpy and snappy and doesn't want to do anything. Then he got angry with you for getting something to eat while he was lying there asleep?

I have to ask is this really the life you want?

Can't think why!

Poor you, hope things improved.

What’s he like this morning @bagpuss90?
I hope you’ve left.

He might be. But he is still an abusive twat.

It sounds as if he may be autistic if he is always awkward in social situations. From what you say he doesn't want to try venturing into anything unknown or uncertain. His grumpiness is a defence. Without much empathy for the feelings of others it is often the only way autistic people cope when in a corner.

Sounds like he's depressed tbh

I remember so clearly the day I ended things with mine. He cycled through all the emotions.. tears, shouting at me and being nasty (smashed some things in my house), to collapsing on the kitchen floor in tears, begging me not to do this and he was sorry.. blah blah. It was awful. I’m so glad I stayed strong and kicked him out. It’s only now, 20 odd years later I realise how abusive and toxic it all was.

What a woman - it’s what I’d have done too.
You should do more of what makes you happy - it sounds like he takes you for granted. He needs a wake up call - literally!!

It doesn't matter. It. Doesn't. Matter.

Presumably he hasn't lost the power of speech, to tell OP of any issues?

I speak, sadly, as a veteran survivor of several holiday- ruining men. The last took me to Amsterdam for my birthday this year (his idea), then proceeded to ruin it by having a hissy fit at the sight of an International Women's Day March ("but what about us nice guys?" I kid you not), which culminated in him screaming at me in the street when I refused to apologise for some perceived slight and stomping off, coming back 5 minutes later to demand why I hadn't followed him, then stomping off again 😆.

Yes, he had mental health issues that he was working hard to overcome. But it doesn't fucking matter. Nobody has the right to use any kind of illness or disability as an excuse to be fucking horrible to their partner. Nobody.

(I dumped his arse on the spot and went to visit a friend who lives in the area. We still had to endure an uncomfortable journey home together though 😬).

Haha no but they were B.F!

I was living on my nerves with him, he was so volatile. He had a load of family shit going on, so in one sense I kind of got it, but i was nothing but supportive and it was never enough.

Seems like he doesn’t fancy you either. You don’t live together and have booked a hotel room but he’s asleep.. assuming not making the most of alone time with a big bed and room service. Get some self respect and leave him to not fancy doing anything alone. This will only get worse and be prepared for you being the one with the problem.