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AIBU?

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Original poster

Another MIL post

32 replies

ThatMintDreamer · 13/12/2025 17:17

First post and apologies for rambling on !
my husband of 15 years has a fall out earlier this year , he had been messaging other women looking for admiration and affirmation. I kicked him out to stay with his mum , I was very close to his mum before this but she totally cut off contact with me when this happened.
i have no family and she was my only family member so I contacted her explaining that I was very alone and feeling very upset , she said she hadn’t contacted me as she didn’t want to be seen to “take sides” I confirmed I didn’t want to involve her but just missed her company.
She didn’t get in touch.
My husband went to counselling and has moved home and we are slowly rebuilding our relationship, I cannot forgive his mum for ignoring me when I needed support ?
husband wants her round for Christmas, how do I deal with this ?

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 13/12/2025 17:41

If you can forgive your husband you should be open to forgiving your mother in law. Absolutely you should say how hurt your feelings were and if she’s able to apologise and give you want you need, move forward.

canklesmctacotits · 13/12/2025 17:41

Sadly, she’s not your mum. She’s his. I think she did absolutely the right thing. YABU.

RitaFires · 13/12/2025 17:37

It was a very awkward position you put her in, your husband had moved in with her and then you wanted her to comfort you at the same time. She was in the middle and it's understandable that she would do what she could to lessen that, she wasn't going to kick her son out so she ended communication with you.

You may not feel able to forgive her but you once felt close enough to attempt to have a tug of war with her son over her. Maybe you can find it in yourself to try and start over with her much as you have already done with your husband.

stichguru · 13/12/2025 17:34

Mum's are meant to stand by their children even when they screw up. While that doesn't mean she had to cut you off when you kicked him out, surely you can see why it was hard for her to be in the middle of two people she was fond of? You also don't know how much your husband was confiding in his mum. Maybe she didn't want to people independently relying on her but back chatting each other! I can see why you were hurt by her actions, especially if you knew you wouldn't say a bad word to her about him, but surely you see why she was in a difficult situation?

If you are able to rebuild a relationship with your husband, surely, over-time you can rebuild one with his mum over time if you want to? I see why maybe you don't want to, but that's on you.

CountFucula · 13/12/2025 17:29

I can see why you are hurt.

Question: If you have forgiven her son, why not her? Is it more of a betrayal?

If you can get past this it could be the Start of a new chapter with both of them.
You can’t rely on her or him to have your back and that is a hard lesson, but you can make a new relationship with MIL that has that understanding.

letsaddtothechaos · 13/12/2025 17:20

If you're rebuilding your relationship, Christmas should be about the two of you. I'd put a ban on visitors for Christmas Day. Instead of taking the "your mum is a cold bitch" line, focus on how the two of you need time to make happier memories together.

You won't manage to get her out of your life, and she'll never apologise. So figure out a balance of her on the periphery that you can deal with. E.g. tell DH he can make her brunch on Boxing Day. Stay for the first 30 minutes and then tell them you're going for a walk to burn it off.

Coconutter24 · 13/12/2025 17:20

If you can forgive your husband and rebuild the marriage after his huge betrayal then why can’t you forgive MIL a work on that relationship? If anyone let you down more it was your DH yet you are prepared to forgive him.