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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To dump DP after what happened last night

284 replies

Relationshipover2 · 13/12/2025 15:26

NC’d for this. There have been some minor flags around my DP’s drinking in the past but nothing like what happened last night.

DP was on his work do in town and I was expecting him home late. I got a call about 10pm as I was getting ready for bed and it was from his phone - but when I answered it wasn’t him. It was a colleague who told me I’d need to come and pick him up because taxi’s were refusing to take him because he was covered in sick.

I went to get him, he had to be helped into my car by two colleagues propping him up. He was smashed, had been drinking since 2 on an empty stomach and was an absolute mess with sick all down his jeans.

On the drive back he was barely making sense, he kept saying he wanted to have sex and was turned on. I got him in the house after telling him to take his clothes off in the porch and set up bedding on the sofa (I’ve got a spare room but it’s an office and no bed) and left him to go to sleep.

I heard a load of crashing two hours later, he had fallen over into my coffee table (it collapsed) when walking in the dark. He then told me he had not made it to the bathroom in time and had pissed in the corner of the living room. Bullshit because the bathroom is in the other direction.

This morning he still seemed drunk and got funny with me for not ‘seeing to him’ sexually and then said he’d sort himself out and locked himself in the bathroom for ages.

He has finally sobered up this afternoon and claims he was spiked and is going to make a report to the police.

I am 99% sure that didn’t happen but does anyone think there’s any chance that’s true? I’ve never known him to get that drunk.

OP posts:
PrawnofthePatriarchy · 13/12/2025 18:11

My adult son was arrested one night. The police spoke to him in the morning and said they were pretty sure he'd been spiked. He wasn't tested but the police said he was so radically different they were confident and he wasn't charged with anything despite having assaulted an officer. My son wrote an apology to the poor man and the officer was very gracious about it.

My point being that spiked people behave very differently to how they are afterwards

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 13/12/2025 18:11

fuck that shit. I would have the ick forever more. Dump

tinyspiny · 13/12/2025 18:10

Good grief @Relationshipover2 , you don’t even live together why on earth did you go and pick him up in the first place you are not his mother and you are not responsible for him . Just send him home and then dump him .

FollowSpot · 13/12/2025 18:07

8 hours drinking on an empty stomach v spiked drink?

Yeah yeah.

Yuk.

The sexual stuff would put me right off.

Wrenjay · 13/12/2025 18:06

I wouldn't have let him in my car in that state, let alone into my home. Not a good partner at all: LTB.

JG24 · 13/12/2025 18:06

I think it depends on other factors
I've had a partner of 20 years do this once to me
I picked him up and he was sick in my car...
I was not impressed as you can imagine
However he has never done it before or since, he was very apologetic the next day and cleaned my car top to bottom,
Plus the main difference is he didn't harass me for sex!

JohnTheRevelator · 13/12/2025 18:05

Good grief. He sounds gross.

RawBloomers · 13/12/2025 18:04

If you want to dump him over it then of course that's reasonable. You don't have to stay with anyone you don't want to. It doesn't matter the reason. And substance abuse is a totally reasonable hard limit to have, even if it's a common and legal substance. But as some PPs have said, if it's out of character then it might not be something you ought to leave him for if you otherwise want to stay together. Whether it's out of character is something only you can decide, given the past incidents.

Scorchio84 · 13/12/2025 18:04

Horrorscope · 13/12/2025 15:38

Is he at all contrite - or just trying to pass the blame onto being spiked?

The sexual pestering is an issue. What if he’d assaulted you. Do you feel safe with him?

I'm so sorry @Relationshipover2 this is awful, you poor thing you must be so upset & livid, I know two years is a long time but honestly you deserve better than this

As to what @Horrorscope said about being assaulted, it might sound alarmist but in fairness who knows, it wasn't the first time which doesn't sound good

You have your own place, your own job I'm presuming & friends so what is he bringing to your life? You can absolutely do (& deserve) better than this 💐

MrsDoubtingMyself · 13/12/2025 18:03

For me, anyone who has so little self respect and so little respect for me, would be gone for good. Revolting man

Bhbhhnhnvvghk · 13/12/2025 18:03

For me it would depend on how the relationship is otherwise, and if this is frequent.

no I wouldn’t split up from my husband if he got completely smashed on a Christmas do. I would probably be mad .

I am remembering a time personally when I got embarrassingly drunk about 5 years ago, luckily the throwing up and other embarrassing stuff bit happened after I got home, so my witnesses were limited. I have not really had more then two at a time ever since then

if it happened every week or every month I wouldn’t put up with it. And would definitely say chuck him.

i think lots of people have sailed past their limits at least once in their lives

Uricon2 · 13/12/2025 18:02

You say he's done this before, which give the lie to the idea of him having been spiked. Accept it in any way and inebriate sex pest will become more of a feature in your life.

dcthatsme · 13/12/2025 18:01

If this isn’t a regular occurrence I’d have a serious chat with him. How gross his behaviour was and especially expecting you to want sex with a vomit drinking drunk! I think if he can’t see it from your point of view I’d seriously consider ending it. It depends what he’s like the rest of the time The spiking allegation does seem like an attempt to wriggle out of taking responsibility. Good luck!

gilbertgrape5 · 13/12/2025 18:01

For me it would depend what the relationship is like overall and his attitude now he’s sobered up. I know I’ve gotten into some right states (funny enough often at work events) when I was younger and if he was an otherwise good guy and very very apologetic I could maybe get past it. However it would probably give me the ick for a while and if he ever did it again he’d be gone. I’m a believer in second chances when deserved.

IsawwhatIsaw · 13/12/2025 17:59

Horrible to think he behaves like this, is a father.
I’d end this . Don’t accept or tolerate pathetic disgusting behaviour. .

MO0N · 13/12/2025 17:58

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/12/2025 15:43

He has finally sobered up this afternoon and claims he was spiked and is going to make a report to the police.

I understand the skepticism, but it does sound as if he may have been more than just drunk?

SophieJo · 13/12/2025 17:57

Read what you have posted and ask yourself if you really want to live with this person in the future.

Minnie798 · 13/12/2025 17:54

Ive been in my relationship for 20+ years. If this happened, I certainly wouldn't leave dp over it. Because it would be completely out of character and a rare occurrence.
Completely different if it is happening every week, on multiple occasions and your dealing with an alcoholic.
You need to think about it in the context of your own relationship and dp.

myhaggisblewup · 13/12/2025 17:51

muggart · 13/12/2025 15:30

no, no way would i end an otherwise happy marriage because my DH had too much to drink as a one off. what an overreaction.

Did you read the OP 1st post properly? Not married, and minor flags around his drinking, plus she's not you, so what you'd do isn't really here or there is it?
Just your opinion.

daisychain01 · 13/12/2025 17:41

Ella31 · 13/12/2025 15:37

The pestering you for sex would concern me.

The pestering for sex would revolt me and send him packing >>> close the door on your way out, low-life!

shhblackbag · 13/12/2025 17:40

ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 13/12/2025 17:25

The first time a man pissed on my carpets would be the last.

As for people telling the OP she’s overreacting, all I can say is, the bar is bloody low with some people.

It's unreal.

shhblackbag · 13/12/2025 17:38

He pissed in your living room and broke furniture. And then he gets funny about no sex. Bye now. Fucking hell.

Horrorscope · 13/12/2025 17:32

MissJoGrant · 13/12/2025 17:24

He didn't assault her though. Might as well say what if anything.

Well, you might think a woman is safe around a pissed man pestering her for sex, but I don’t.

Zippedydodah · 13/12/2025 17:30

ThereAreOnlyShadesOfGrey · 13/12/2025 17:25

The first time a man pissed on my carpets would be the last.

As for people telling the OP she’s overreacting, all I can say is, the bar is bloody low with some people.

Completely agree.
There wouldn’t be another opportunity for him to behave like that.

cambiotica · 13/12/2025 17:28

Are you planning on spending Christmas with him?