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Original poster

To dump DP after what happened last night

284 replies

Relationshipover2 · 13/12/2025 15:26

NC’d for this. There have been some minor flags around my DP’s drinking in the past but nothing like what happened last night.

DP was on his work do in town and I was expecting him home late. I got a call about 10pm as I was getting ready for bed and it was from his phone - but when I answered it wasn’t him. It was a colleague who told me I’d need to come and pick him up because taxi’s were refusing to take him because he was covered in sick.

I went to get him, he had to be helped into my car by two colleagues propping him up. He was smashed, had been drinking since 2 on an empty stomach and was an absolute mess with sick all down his jeans.

On the drive back he was barely making sense, he kept saying he wanted to have sex and was turned on. I got him in the house after telling him to take his clothes off in the porch and set up bedding on the sofa (I’ve got a spare room but it’s an office and no bed) and left him to go to sleep.

I heard a load of crashing two hours later, he had fallen over into my coffee table (it collapsed) when walking in the dark. He then told me he had not made it to the bathroom in time and had pissed in the corner of the living room. Bullshit because the bathroom is in the other direction.

This morning he still seemed drunk and got funny with me for not ‘seeing to him’ sexually and then said he’d sort himself out and locked himself in the bathroom for ages.

He has finally sobered up this afternoon and claims he was spiked and is going to make a report to the police.

I am 99% sure that didn’t happen but does anyone think there’s any chance that’s true? I’ve never known him to get that drunk.

OP posts:
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gilbertgrape5 · 16/12/2025 15:46

summitfever · 15/12/2025 23:09

It’s not a single incident he’s done this repeatedly, and coke isn’t really a two or three time thing. The danger with a lovable sexual deviant is that they confuse you so much you overlook the 1% horrendous behaviour because they can act great 99% of the time. Sexual harassment should be a deal breaker, it’s a crime and it’s completely unacceptable. If your daughter was treated like that once, would you tell her it’s ok because he’s ok the rest of the time? It’s not cool @gilbertgrape5

Once again, you have zero idea evidence that coke was involved it is all speculation and presumptions.
If myself or my dd were subject to behaviour like this I’d be disgusted. But I’d still be able to recognise that there is a vast spectrum between being drunkenly inappropriate (still completely unacceptable but generally not reflective of your real character) and an actual sexual deviant.

Look, I’m not making excuses for the guy. He behaved dreadfully but I really don’t think hounding the op for updates with the narrative of ‘have you found your self respect yet or are you still a doormat’ is particularly helpful or kind.

summitfever · 15/12/2025 23:09

It’s not a single incident he’s done this repeatedly, and coke isn’t really a two or three time thing. The danger with a lovable sexual deviant is that they confuse you so much you overlook the 1% horrendous behaviour because they can act great 99% of the time. Sexual harassment should be a deal breaker, it’s a crime and it’s completely unacceptable. If your daughter was treated like that once, would you tell her it’s ok because he’s ok the rest of the time? It’s not cool @gilbertgrape5

gilbertgrape5 · 15/12/2025 20:20

summitfever · 15/12/2025 17:37

@gilbertgrape5 but it is a question of self respect. In a compassionate way, OP needs to build enough respect for herself and see that she deserves a lot better than being sexually harassed and lied to and calling it a salvageable relationship. The guy has shown no remorse or self reflection meaning he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong, hence has zero respect for her. We’re only treated as badly as we accept. I wish someone told me I was worth more.

You know very little about this relationship other than the one incident op has shared which everyone has agreed was horrendous behaviour. If she chooses to stay with him I’m sure it will be based on weighing up the rest of the relationship/his character and whether or not she feels she can give him a second chance.

People need to stop telling her she is less worthy or has low standards or needs to find her self respect if she happens to come to a decision about her own relationship that goes against the grain of this thread. She clearly has recognised how inappropriate and disgusting it all was. She isn’t stupid but it’s her life at the end of the day.

The poster who made the comment that has now been deleted wasn’t being supportive or helpful, they were being a twat. And an overly invested one at that.

summitfever · 15/12/2025 17:37

@gilbertgrape5 but it is a question of self respect. In a compassionate way, OP needs to build enough respect for herself and see that she deserves a lot better than being sexually harassed and lied to and calling it a salvageable relationship. The guy has shown no remorse or self reflection meaning he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong, hence has zero respect for her. We’re only treated as badly as we accept. I wish someone told me I was worth more.

gilbertgrape5 · 15/12/2025 11:03

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Absolutely awful and quite tragic that you’re so invested and nasty.

Lmnop22 · 15/12/2025 10:43

So, since your OP asked if you would be unreasonable to break up with him, and you’ve had a resounding answer that you should break up with him - is there any reason you haven’t done that yet and let him stay at your house until the evening after this happened and continued texting him?

He drank too much, took drugs, lied about being spiked, caused a load of drama for his colleague having to carry him around and you having to pick him up, he broke your table, he pissed on your wall and carpet and he pestered you for sex and stormed off when you wouldn’t sexually satisfy him…

You have also never mentioned any form of apology from him just a load of shit excuses.

Is this not enough??

ZoggyStirdust · 15/12/2025 10:35

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Nasty and unnecessary

JFDIYOLO · 15/12/2025 10:31

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AInightingale · 15/12/2025 09:47

Sartre · 15/12/2025 07:13

You’re essentially asking adults if they would stay with a man who got into their car covered in vomit and then proceeded to piss in the corner of their living room. But then on top of that actually thought you’d want to have sex with him the following morning. What a catch.

I know this is a serious thread but this summing-up made me laugh. Yes, it's a low bar. Hope OP has done the sensible thing now and finished with him. He sounds appalling.

Sartre · 15/12/2025 07:13

You’re essentially asking adults if they would stay with a man who got into their car covered in vomit and then proceeded to piss in the corner of their living room. But then on top of that actually thought you’d want to have sex with him the following morning. What a catch.

liveforsummer · 15/12/2025 07:06

@gilbertgrape5 no evidence but the behaviour is textbook including the lies, the being awake and obnoxious and being desperate for sex. The behaviour is not textbook for the less serious thing he’s admitted to so ….

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/12/2025 05:41

Ahhhhhh.. the old 'admit to a lesser crime to cover a greater one'..

So you can't report the spiking to the police because a drug test would reveal the tiny toke of weed 'or whatever' he had from a colleague and thats a legit reason for refusing to go to the police over being spiked, as he'd get in trouble at work (or some other spurious reason) and it's not worth it.

Lie after lie after lie.

gilbertgrape5 · 15/12/2025 05:00

summitfever · 14/12/2025 23:07

@gilbertgrape5 with all due respect, have you ever lived with a partner that does cocaine? I guess if you had you’d not be so quick to advise her to even consider sticking it out. it’s a shit way to live and I wish I’d binned my kids dad as soon as I found out he used it, would have saved a lot of people a lot of heartache, most importantly my children.

We don’t even have any evidence that he did cocaine it’s all speculation. I’m not encouraging her to do anything other than make her own choice, rather than being swayed by the emotive language on here which basically suggests that she has no self respect if she doesn’t follow the advice of a load of internet strangers.

MySilentLions · 15/12/2025 00:16

Relationshipover2 · 13/12/2025 21:26

I’ve called his bluff re. the spiking by telling him if he didn’t report it then I will. He was very animated tellling me not not to do this and said he’d be in trouble if he had a blood test. He then refused to elaborate.

I told him to leave which he did so he’s gone back to his own house whilst I’m stewing on the sofa with a bottle of wine.

Ah, so he was doing drugs that would show up on a police test then? Almost certainly cocaine I would think. What a charmer.

Theslummymummy · 14/12/2025 23:36

My grandad pissed into a wardrobe once, but it was worse because they were on holiday in a b and b. Tbf he never drank drank again after that.

summitfever · 14/12/2025 23:07

@gilbertgrape5 with all due respect, have you ever lived with a partner that does cocaine? I guess if you had you’d not be so quick to advise her to even consider sticking it out. it’s a shit way to live and I wish I’d binned my kids dad as soon as I found out he used it, would have saved a lot of people a lot of heartache, most importantly my children.

MissDoubleU · 14/12/2025 21:07

Relationshipover2 · 14/12/2025 09:07

He text me a while after he left last night and said a colleague was smoking ‘something’ (which when I pressed he said was weed) and he had a try of it. He thinks this added to him being sick as he’s never had it before and says he never will again.

Show quote history

And let me guess. You believe that?

So let’s get this right. The prince of piss who sexually harassed you while covered in his own vomit told you this only happened as he was spiked. Swore down it was nothing else and he was going to report it. He admit he lied. He freaked out about his blood and then tried to pass it off as having a small puff of weed, or was it weed? He wouldn’t know he’s never been around drugs before.
Girlie wake up. He was snorting. That’s why he was so horny.

And he has CHILDREN? Jesus Christ OP. He’s telling you his ex was bad..? I suspect she has her own side of things given how bad he is being this early.

gilbertgrape5 · 14/12/2025 17:42

Op if you do decide to end it that’s completely your choice. Likewise if you decide to stay with him. Don’t be swayed either way by MNers who love to scream LTB and accuse you of being a doormat/having low standards/needing more self respect if you don’t. It’s your life and you know more about this person and the overall relationship than anyone here ever could. Wish you all the best.

outerspacepotato · 14/12/2025 16:58

shhblackbag · 14/12/2025 16:46

Sounds like you've started to believe him/make excuses for him.

Good luck with it. If he gets away with this, you'll likely see further repeats.

And he's a liar as well as a binge drinker and using illegal drugs and trashes your place. You'd better check your place to see he hasn't stashed anything there.

shhblackbag · 14/12/2025 16:46

Sounds like you've started to believe him/make excuses for him.

Good luck with it. If he gets away with this, you'll likely see further repeats.

outerspacepotato · 14/12/2025 16:38

Relationshipover2 · 14/12/2025 09:07

He text me a while after he left last night and said a colleague was smoking ‘something’ (which when I pressed he said was weed) and he had a try of it. He thinks this added to him being sick as he’s never had it before and says he never will again.

Show quote history

Oh, come on now.

This wasn't taking a toke of weed. This sounds like meth or coke as well as being over the top drink.

He's got kids. I'd be concerned for their welfare given he's doing drugs and binge drinking and has them at his place. Personally, I'd give the kids' mom a heads-up.

liveforsummer · 14/12/2025 13:11

Oh and the reason he could still get it up when he probably wouldn’t be able to from drink alone

liveforsummer · 14/12/2025 13:10

And oops. Dropped himself in it - clearly had Coke as well as copious amounts of alcohol. Cocaine allows you to drink more before getting to this level of drunk hence why he was still hammered this morning

liveforsummer · 14/12/2025 13:07

Nope that sounds like very regular drunk behaviour after the along the drunk on an empty stomach. Nothing like the behaviour when spiked on drink number 1. He’s an arse and this would seriously be the end

summitfever · 14/12/2025 12:51

Op he did not have a few draws of a joint then harass you for sex and piss in your house. You need to open your eyes here, that behaviour is cocaine related all day long. And it’s a bloody lot of it as well. Take it from someone who lived with a drug connoisseur for many long, hard years. I am in no doubt about the effects of taking all these drugs in excess and this is not alcohol and weed.