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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to use DH's inheritance?

277 replies

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/12/2025 14:54

Hi, I know this is a first world dilemma and we are in a very fortunate position.

DH is 63, work pension kicks in in just under 2 years time. He is 5 years older than me. For a while he's been suggesting that, when he retires, I should drop to PT or even give up work altogether. I've resisted this idea. My work pension doesn't kick in until I'm at state pension age, so 67 for me. I was thinking that maybe I'd go PT for the last 5 years of my working life.

However, two things have now happened. DH's mum died a couple of months ago, and my team at work are undergoing a consultation which will result in 50% of us being made redundant.

DH will inherit all his Mum's savings plus half the value of her house. It's just all been valued for Probate and he will inherit around £300k, maybe slightly more if house sells at more than expected

DH is talking again about me giving up work as, once the house sells, we will have a nest egg, but I'm really worried that (a) there are other things we could use the money for and (b) our standard of living will be much worse. DH thinks we will have much better quality of life as we won't have the stress/pressure of working.

I had thought that we could use some of the inheritance money to give to the DC for house deposits - they are in their late 20s and DS1 Iin particular is very unlikely to ever earn enough for a deposit. If we do that, what's left won't be enough to replace my salary for more than a few years.

So, AIBU to think that it would be better to keep on working - even if I'm made redundant I look for another FT job at a similar salary? Or should I be grateful that we will have some savings behind us, tighten our belts and - if I'm made redundant - accept that my career is over much sooner than anticipated?

OP posts:
Splattsagain · 13/12/2025 16:19

With 300k you can put that into a personal pension, and the government will add in 20% making it 360k. You can then take out 25% tax free immediately, which is 90k. If you wanted a part time job after redundancy, you can easily use that tax free amount to either top up your part time salary, or give to the kids to help out - and still have 270k in the pension.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 13/12/2025 16:17

You both need to sit down and really think this through, separately and together

If it was me, I'd retire. But I do have a small creative/craft business that would keep me engaged, earning some money

Whatsthatsheila · 13/12/2025 16:15

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/12/2025 16:03

Thanks everyone for your input.

DH is very clear that it will be joint money, not "his" and in theory I agree but I can't help considering that it's his.

DH is very keen to give the DC some money. Even if they don't need it yet. So that's a joint decision, apologies if it came across as just mine. I think the difference is that I'd want to give them more and have less for us whereas DH thinks we should use the bulk for us, and if that means plugging some of the gap that losing my salary will be, then that's fine.

ETA: I asked for a pension forecast from work a month ago, as soon as the consultation was announced, but they say it may take some weeks to get it which is very frustrating. Especially as it is presumably computer generated! But I'm fairly sure there will be no point in drawing it down early as it will be very low value.

Edited

Are you in a field where you can work flexibly or freelance?

redundancy at this age btw does not mean retirement and a career over btw.

And if you wish to continue working then by all means do so if you find it fulfilling and rewarding.

in terms of redundancy, particularly if it’s generous then I would take it, and then look for part time hours - you could even (after a period stipulated in your severance pay so you don’t have to return your redundancy) reapply for your current company should something part time come up.

CoastalCalm · 13/12/2025 16:13

Muffinmam · 13/12/2025 15:54

£300k or $300k is not enough to retire early.

It depends on your individual circumstances - I am retiring at 55 on around this and will be very comfortable thanks - after all my fixed outgoings and food etc I will have £1k a month to spend as I wish and the option of downsizing at some point

Whatsthatsheila · 13/12/2025 16:11

Cat1504 · 13/12/2025 15:01

Your choice….I retired and returned at 55 …work 4 days on 10 off now….but also had extended periods of 2 months off at a time…..we’ve done loads of travel…what are your plans? Life is short …..at 60 I now feel far more knackered than I did at 55 …..I have 3 DGC I spend lots of time with….I have less savings than you …..your kids will be grateful for whatever you give them….if the money was left to DH then it was for him and you to enjoy….to make life easier….your kids will sort themselves out one way or the other …..imagine giving all your kids a big lump sum ….working until you are 62…then becoming ill or dying…..what a waste ….IMO anyway

I need to know where I can work 4 days on 10 days off!

MBL · 13/12/2025 16:09

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/12/2025 16:03

Thanks everyone for your input.

DH is very clear that it will be joint money, not "his" and in theory I agree but I can't help considering that it's his.

DH is very keen to give the DC some money. Even if they don't need it yet. So that's a joint decision, apologies if it came across as just mine. I think the difference is that I'd want to give them more and have less for us whereas DH thinks we should use the bulk for us, and if that means plugging some of the gap that losing my salary will be, then that's fine.

ETA: I asked for a pension forecast from work a month ago, as soon as the consultation was announced, but they say it may take some weeks to get it which is very frustrating. Especially as it is presumably computer generated! But I'm fairly sure there will be no point in drawing it down early as it will be very low value.

Edited

It's nice to read a retirement/inheritance thread where the couple are planning as a team. You could book a money helper appointment (free government service) to start to look at your numbers.

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/12/2025 16:03

Thanks everyone for your input.

DH is very clear that it will be joint money, not "his" and in theory I agree but I can't help considering that it's his.

DH is very keen to give the DC some money. Even if they don't need it yet. So that's a joint decision, apologies if it came across as just mine. I think the difference is that I'd want to give them more and have less for us whereas DH thinks we should use the bulk for us, and if that means plugging some of the gap that losing my salary will be, then that's fine.

ETA: I asked for a pension forecast from work a month ago, as soon as the consultation was announced, but they say it may take some weeks to get it which is very frustrating. Especially as it is presumably computer generated! But I'm fairly sure there will be no point in drawing it down early as it will be very low value.

OP posts:
Newyearawaits · 13/12/2025 16:02

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/12/2025 15:03

I think part of the issue is I've never not worked. Even as a uni student I worked in the evenings. I've never relied on anyone else for money.

If I'm made redundant then I would have no income whatsoever. Zilch. So DH would pay for everything. And I know what's his is mine etc, but I just can't get my head round not having my "own" money. My pension kicks in at 67 so that's 9 years of not having my own income

I understand where you are coming from OP
Seems like you wouldn't be comfortable without having an income of your own.
I totally appreciate that.
On the other hand, life is short and no one knows what the future holds.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 13/12/2025 16:01

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/12/2025 15:57

Thanks, I think if I'm made redundant looking for another part time job, maybe at a lower level, would be a good solution. I just can't imagine not working. Or earning.

Show quote history

If you don't want to give up work then you don't

It is much better for your brain (ie to avoid dementia/cognitive decline) to have employment of some kind

So don't retire till you want to, money aside

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 13/12/2025 16:00

It sounds premature but really you need to go and see 3 financial advisers together and hatch a plan from there - it will become v clear.

You need to do this anyway to figure out what to do with the extra cash

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/12/2025 15:57

Hello39 · 13/12/2025 15:47

Your dh isn't retiring for other 2 years?

I would definitely look for another job if you are made redundant (hopefully you won't be) and you can reassess in 2 years.

Are there plans for retirement? E.g. are you both just going to stay at home together? Or travel, voluntary work etc.

Thanks, I think if I'm made redundant looking for another part time job, maybe at a lower level, would be a good solution. I just can't imagine not working. Or earning.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 13/12/2025 15:57

Everything considered I’d give up work in a heartbeat. He’s your DH of 30 years, not a new flung fling, of course it’s your money too. Take the redundancy, you’ll have a pay off from that and a buffer of 300k. If you want to start work again in six months, look again. You have no mortgage, so I really wouldn’t worry and kick back and relax for a bit.

Original poster
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 13/12/2025 15:55

Mum2Fergus · 13/12/2025 15:37

You need to make decisions based on your entire financial position, and not include a redundancy that may not come to fruition.

Do you have any debt?
Do you have a 3-6 month emergency fund?
Mortgage?
Have you worked out what size of retirement pot you need to see you both through?

No debt, mortgage paid off. But we do need to do stuff on the house.

Work doesn't offer voluntary redundancy so I'm.in their hands and won't find out until February, I'm just trying to plan ahead.

OP posts:
Muffinmam · 13/12/2025 15:54

£300k or $300k is not enough to retire early.

EmmaM84 · 13/12/2025 15:54

Some perspective- my parents retired at pension age. My mum was 66 in September last year. In December, she was diagnosed with cancer after 2 months of severe pain. My dads retirement happened just after being blue lighted to hospital with heart issues. They both bitterly regret not retiring at 60 and making do, both terrified of going abroad on holiday now after the last one was cut short due to my dad being poorly with high heart rate. My mum is currently cancer free but constantly on alert. Couldve been 6 years of travel, relaxing and spending more time with DGC. I will be retiring as soon as its feasibly possible. I'd hate if my parents held back enjoying their twilight years, working to the bone because they felt obliged to set me up financially and presumably your son's will feel the same. Try and get a redundancy payout, use that for a sabbatical and test out retirement. You can always return if it doesnt suit you and you genuinely want to keep working longer.

DoAWheelie · 13/12/2025 15:54

I've seen so many close friends and family who were otherwise fit and healthy die suddenly in their early 60s or late 50s.

I think if you can a afford some sort of retirement together then take it as there is no guarantee you both will be around later.

My late OH and I had so many plans we never got to do.

Life is for living not working.

YellowCherry · 13/12/2025 15:52

I would do something between the two. I wouldn't retire now but I would plan for sometime before 67. Maybe 63 or something like that?

Strictlycomeparent · 13/12/2025 15:49

Is it all or nothing? Could you drop to 3 or 4 days and enjoy a bit more time together whilst not fully relying on spending inheritance?

Hello39 · 13/12/2025 15:47

Your dh isn't retiring for other 2 years?

I would definitely look for another job if you are made redundant (hopefully you won't be) and you can reassess in 2 years.

Are there plans for retirement? E.g. are you both just going to stay at home together? Or travel, voluntary work etc.

elfendom1 · 13/12/2025 15:46

Everything in the way you post, suggests you want to keep working, so do. Or revisit it a little further down the line.You don't have to make a decision now. It could be taken out of your hands anyway. Have you worked out the figures, that is crucial.

Simplelife1 · 13/12/2025 15:45

You may find the decision is taken out of your hands.
If you are made redundant you may struggle to find another job matching your salary, or in fact, any job esp at your age. The current job market is dire

Mt563 · 13/12/2025 15:45

You worked part time to look after your joint kids presumably. So your low pension is due to that. So I think it's fair for your husband to support you with his inheritance to make up that gap.

Cat1504 · 13/12/2025 15:37

MotherofPufflings · 13/12/2025 15:13

Yes, things are so tough for today's young people that if I needed to work that long in order to save for house deposits, help with student finance for them etc, then of course that's what I would do.

Edited
Show quote history

is that you Mother Theresa?🙄

Mum2Fergus · 13/12/2025 15:37

You need to make decisions based on your entire financial position, and not include a redundancy that may not come to fruition.

Do you have any debt?
Do you have a 3-6 month emergency fund?
Mortgage?
Have you worked out what size of retirement pot you need to see you both through?

GasPanic · 13/12/2025 15:36

Despite what some people say, 300K can be a lot of money.

But it depends largely on your living expenses and what you want to do when you retire.

If you envisage endless cruises, have an expensive house to upkeep and like the finer things in life then yes 300K is not that much.

It does surprise me though sometimes how much some people are obsessed with shovelling more and more money into pensions.