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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at being told exactly what present to get nephews

59 replies

Pinnochiosnose · 13/12/2025 14:14

Just wanting to get perspective from someone else about this. My sister is quite intense at the best of times. We are just back from Disneyland and have been told more than once not to mention it to her kids that we were there or bring anything back from Disney for them as she doesn't want her kids to be "sucked in" to the whole Disney commercialism. Quite frankly I'm happy to respect that (although inwardly grinning as once they start going to school it'll be a whole new ball game). But after having to declare giving Disney-free presents for Christmas I told her exactly what I had got them. Because she had already said what she wanted me to get them to get, and I had added in one or two things extra, she goes into sulk because I bought more than she had wanted for them. I do understand it can be annoying if someone buys too much for your children but surely it's rude to complain about such a thing? I only see her and her kids about once a year due to distance so didn't think it would be such a big deal. Now I honestly don't feel like buying any future birthday/Christmas gifts for them if the parents are going to be so ungrateful! So what i would like to know is it unreasonable to complain about getting bigger presents than you asked for or is she right?! Her kids, her rules?

OP posts:
Atorwave · 13/12/2025 14:54

Quite frankly I'm happy to respect that

do you have children?

Hollowvoice · 13/12/2025 14:39

My sister and I go Xmas shopping together for the express purpose of saying "ooh, get that for X", "Y would love that" etc
Then the kids get what they want without anyone wasting money on random crap just to give "something"

Lookingforthejoy · 13/12/2025 14:30

Pinnochiosnose · 13/12/2025 14:28

The extras were some clothes!! Two items per child. Not exactly excessive!

Are they the correct size for her children rather than just their current age? I would assume they have enough clothes so it’s just an extra fit in some where.

Celestialmoods · 13/12/2025 14:29

It is rude to complain but as she’s your sister, she probably feels like she can be honest.

Pinnochiosnose · 13/12/2025 14:28

The extras were some clothes!! Two items per child. Not exactly excessive!

OP posts:
Lookingforthejoy · 13/12/2025 14:28

I have ND children. Other people wouldn’t realise they were ND and at pre school age I didn’t have clue. They struggle with too much stuff and can be very specific about what they want and I know what things they wouldn’t like.

I think she was unreasonable to complain but inwardly I would be annoyed.

wishihadagoodone · 13/12/2025 14:26

I love when my sisters/in laws tell me what to buy!
No waste, quickly ordered online or sourced locally, knowing exactly where and what size etc
We never rip the piss out of it with prices.
TBH I’d be annoyed as well if I’d told my sister what to buy and she’d landed with a whole pile of gifts. I hate clutter and have a pretty small house with limited storage so it would stress me out. Kids might play with them for a few weeks then it’s my job to bag everything up and find a charity shop that accepts second hand toys on my Saturday off work.

TheNightingalesStarling · 13/12/2025 14:24

This is a two sides situation.

On one side.. you want to get nice things for your nephews.

On the other... presumably they asked for a few things, the parents allocated each one to family members so everything was covered. And also wanting to control the volume of stuff, as its all the little things adding up.

blythet · 13/12/2025 14:20

I think it depends on how much extra you got??

i also think it’s pretty rude to tell you exactly what to get them in the first place. My sister and I are really close, chat all the time and I can talk to her about anything but I’d still never dream of telling her what to get her nieces. She usually asks for ideas and I’m happy to give suggestions, or sometimes I’ll say “if you’re needing ideas let me know” then she usually asks for links. Same with my niece and nephew, I’ll either ask for ideas or text her and say what I had in mind before buying but that’s more in case she’s already got it from her or Santa etc