To be annoyed at being told exactly what present to get nephews

Buy would it really hurt you to follow her wishes?

Why is it so.important to you to do things your way?

She sounds as if she thinks your presents will over shadow what they are giving them. Are they on a lower income that prevents them being as generous as they would like? The Disney Holiday seems to suggest this. If her children don't know about this luxury then they can't be disappointed. Maybe she is trying to protect them for as long as possible.

She sounds quite controlling. If you'd bought big toys which take up a lot of space, or second hand stuff which was broken she'd have a point. If she really didn't want the clothes, presumably she could regift or donate next time school is fundraising. If they're the correct size, presumably most parents would just think 'great that's one less t-shirt etc I need to buy this year'.

Tension, arguments, dagger eyes

What’s happened in previous years?

Because I don't get told to get an exact item! If I ask that I get told they've got enough work to do (fair) I get told general themes and then get told that what I've got isn't good enough!
Even if I get told something fairly specific, like a particular brand tracksuit, I'll get told it's the 'wrong' colour/logo/season...

I have an issue with my mum and aunt- they always get loads extra for my kids but it’s always stuff the kids won’t use, clothes that are never the right size etc. I’ve then got to head to the charity shop with it all a few days after Christmas.

However- what you are describing seems very reasonable and I don’t think your sister is being fair at all. Even with the Disneyland thing- she can’t expect you and your family just never mention doing nice things just because she doesn’t agree with them!

Hold on @Pinnochiosnose - you went to Disneyland without her kids??? This sounds crazy to me who force myself to visit it every once in a while because I have kids. I'd rather eat liver than go there on my own and I'm a vegetarian!

How boring that the children's presents are controlled to this degree! Surely part of the joy of receiving gifts is not knowing what they are . And you might get bought something you didn't know you'd like until you got it

I wouldn’t be ok with telling my kids they can’t discuss their holiday.
presents, I don’t mind gift ideas as I would sooner get what they want but if I want to get a little extra I would! Your sis sounds hard work.

I don't like the idea of dictated presents either although I can understand not wanting too much stuff and not wanting to buy into commercialism.

What would happen if in future you thought of an idea and messaged her in advance to check if it was OK? This is what we do with our nieces/ nephews, so it's still our idea but we know it will be appreciated.

Could you talk to her about understanding her perspective but also wanting to get something for them that is truly from you? There's a compromise here surely.

This is not about the specific presents, it's about the fact you and she have different parenting approaches.

The two of you need to give each other enough respect as parents and avoid conflict over small things like gifts.

Great minds….

i have a lovely very very “earth” mum friend. It was all wood and books. Not me!! Every Christmas I bought plastic, lights up, noise fuelled toys for her two. And every year she’d send me a pic saying “yep, they loved and all they want to play with 😆 “

But did your children, who the toys were for?

DMIL once bought DD a plastic garnish light up music walker. My heart sank. But it stopped sinking once I realised how much DD loved it and wanted to walk and push it along, and how it kept her occupied.

I stopped being a snob about toys at that moment.

You hated noisy, garish, plastic toys… but did your children?

I understand her gripes tbh. When my DC were small I hated noisy, garish, plastic toys so would always request either books or wooden toys. I don’t think there’s much issue with this since it’s also the more sustainable choice. Perhaps I would have been known as a nightmare too.

Now I send links to specific things my DC want to help family out and prevent them buying shit I know they won’t like. It makes sense- prevents waste including your money.

Why on earth are you travelling long distance (dragging your kids along too!) to spend Christmas with someone who doesn’t seem keen on you and you don’t seem keen on her AND is censoring what you and your poor children can talk about whilst under her roof.

I'm not really open about being told what to buy- they either have to wait and see or get the money I would have spent-their choice.
I instituted this when my step mother gave me a list for her son (my half brother) they were all video games at £60+ each (this was in the late 80's) I told them straight that wasn't going to happen my budget for EVERYONE'S presents was £80 that year- there is no way they were railroading my budget like that. There was an argument, but it was worth it because it would have just kept escalating and my half brother was incredibly spoilt anyway so it definitely wouldn't have been money well spent.
So no, people cannot tell me what to buy them-how on earth would they know what budget I had allocated?

Phew!! 🤣🤣🤣

That should read no presents, or else only books as presents. I agree! - hard to have too many books which is why I make the exception (though I have had repeats a few times).

It’s is impossible to have too many books!!!

Disney is fantastic. We got loads of old Disney videos from a local charity shop (this is pre Disney+), everything from Snow White and Pinocchio to the 90s films, and they’re great. Watching the old animations was lovely (DD’s favourites are the really old ones) and fantastic songs.

I am “one of those” mums - we constantly have more stuff than is easy to manage so I encourage no presents or books - if people are super keen to give something else I would help out with ideas but the world is so focused on consuming unnecessary “stuff” that just needs to be chucked away and bluntly I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that way (there’s also loads of work about how more stuff leads to worse quality play). So yes it is annoying when close family and friends ignore you given it’s hard to donate their gifts (I regularly donate those from more distant friends who won’t realise). Maybe don’t be so dismissive about the values someone wants to bring their kids up with.

I don’t think she did? She’s given a couple of themes, buys stuff within those themes and then gets told no, not those things.