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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My child is domestically abusing me

353 replies

FedUpForChristmas · 13/12/2025 11:53

My DC has autism and ADHD. He's 8. Lately there have been more bad days than good.

We recently started medication for the ADHD, then increased the dose. I do see a benefit when it's at its peak but the before and after taking is still sheer hell like it always has been.

He has every bit of support he needs. SEN school, EHCP, therapies etc.

He battered me this morning, all because he got triggered by his siblings quarrelling. I exited the bathroom to him charging at me and pummelling me. When I turned away to shield myself he grabbed and was dragging me by the hair. Chaos ensues for the next hour. Me, DH and my 70yo mother all got it.

He's calm now because his medication has kicked in and he's expecting to join me going out for dinner with my brother and SIL. How am I supposed to relax and enjoy myself when I'm still treading on eggshells from this morning, anxiously waiting for the next thing to set him off.

Sadly, and I hate to say it, I'm being reminded of a previous partner who abused me (not DC's father, this was years back)

The cycle is the same.

The tension builds up, he explodes and kicks the crap out of me (or his dad), smashes things in the house.

He apologies and behaves for a few hours (or more rarely, days)

The tension builds up again

Rinse and repeat.

I said to DH that if this continues at the age of criminal responsibility i will be calling the police and having him arrested, and I mean it.

He thinks I'm being unfair and potentially projecting due to the history.

Am I being unreasonable to view it this way? Because it certainly feels like it 😔

OP posts:
ChevernyRose · 13/12/2025 11:59

Yanbu. I watched a BBC programme about similar issues. In the end the only way one of the mums was able to get help was to refuse to pick her child up from school so social services had to take him. She was being attacked by him

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0023db6

BeQuaintRubyRobin · 13/12/2025 11:59

I’m so sorry you are in this situation. You deserve to live a life without violent abuse.

Sirzy · 13/12/2025 11:58

Does he have somewhere safe and quiet he can go to when the tension starts to build? Ideally you - and over time him - need to learn to find the first signs of these meltdowns and then get him somewhere safe before the explosion happens.

It’s horrible and you can’t always preempt but noticing those early “bubbles” and having a set way to keep everyone safe is the ideal.

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