to withdraw my daughter from nursery

I'm sorry this has happened, but now everyone has mobiles the reality is that the only way nurseries and schools can actually stop this happening would be by banning parents from the premises. Or I suppose having a team of security guards doing airport style pat downs and confiscating devices every time a parent enters the premises. There is no other way to actually stop a parent sneaking out a mobile phone and then sharing the content.

I agree with you entirely and I think that posting your children online is inherently bad parenting, with literally no justification. I would be sending a strongly worded message to the other parent and pushing the nursery to follow up straight away.

Our primary school constantly told parents not to video or take photos when they were in the school due to children needing safeguarding.
The principle had to remove people during performances as they refused to stop filming the stage
EVERY SINGLE YEAR

Child happy and settled. Nursery says no to the mum ..they struggle to stop her filming...nursery should have tell mum to leave if she refused to stop filming.. nursery not at fault but the mum. Posting online is not child abuse. You sound unhinged saying that so drop that line. This is parent issue not nursery issue. However ask the nursery re safeguarding.

Parents who haven't consented to their child won't be in it.

Or parents will actually pay attention instead of having a camera in their face

Then children appearing on television is also child abuse. So is any form of CCTV in shops or on public transport because anyone can record that too. You can see how unrealistic that would sound, right? There are some things we can easily protect our children from. There are other things that are so ingrained in every day life that’s it’s practically impossible.

I was wondering about this very scenario earlier this week, OP, when my DCs’ school announced that filming by parents at the Winter Sing won’t be allowed, that they have a teacher from the computing and design team who will take and edit a video and send to parents. This is the first time this has happened, so there must be a reason for it. (This is a school with a high proportion of extremely entitled parents so I don’t imagine any heed will be paid anyway…different matter.)

But what’s to stop a parent from downloading the video and putting it on their socials?

I just don’t know how this can be policed. I don’t think it can be. Which means that whatever risk the child in question is at, has to be mitigated in other ways. The mind boggles.

You should ask to see the nursery's safeguarding policy and understand what the consequences are. They should be using their contact details to contact the parent, citing the safeguarding policy and ideally saying they cannot come to another performance if they don't comply immediately.

This isn’t an OP problem. It’s the idiot who thinks it’s okay to film other peoples kids and post it online for attention.

I understand and respect your decision to not put your DD online. But you're going to find it extremely difficult or impossible to prevent her image being online forever. People will film at soft play, the park, etc , you won't always know or be able to control that. At school you'll come up against the same issue and many local businesses and events will film for social media and you might unknowingly end up in the background. For example my ds watches our local football team and often ends up in photos of the crowd.

Nursery have done enough imo, they don't permit filming and they have asked parent to remove the content. I'm sure if they saw the parent filming they would have asked them to stop and delete. What else can they do?

Statistically by a long shot, the most likely sources of abuse are unrelated males living under the same roof (stepfather, step brothers etc). Followed by related males like uncle, grandfather, father etc.

The chances of someone grabbing a picture of your child from social media without knowing who she is and making AI deepfakes is mathematically virtually non-existent.

So if you consider someone posting children on social media abuse then you should absolutely consider every mum with remarries another man or brings stepbrothers into the same house an abuser as well. Same for any woman who allows her children to spend time unsupervised with male relatives.

Your only option regarding moving your daughter would be to choose a nursery that does not allow photos/recordings at any performance. It sounds like the video was taken at a carol service which most nurseries and schools would allow parents to record with the statement being given about not posting on social media which it sounds like the nursery did (so not sure why you mention the discreet filming at an angle).
This sort of thing could happen in any setting and basically becomes the reason why schools then ban phones from performances which then causes other parents upset if a parent cannot get time of work or want to share with grandparents and aren't able to.

So you can report the parent to the platform she has posted it on.
This will happen to your child throughout their nursery and school career and each nursery and school will remind parents that they can't post without permission. And 99percent of parents will abide by this but one or two will be arseholes

Realistically noone is going to know your daughter on a video with other kids except you and a very few others. Kids at that age all look broadly similar and change very quickly so there's no need to get so het up about it.

Just out of interest, what are you worried about? What risk is she going to be at if someone does recognise gwe?

Answer this honestly and it may help to put things in perspective.

Any control?

They have control over what they say and future permissions of the parents.

Are you from the group of parents that don't follow authority, rules or give a damn? .

It is their job, when it's their policy, it's their event and they safeguard

You either leave your phone on the car or in a box at the front.
Simple as that.

I personally think nursery should be taking phones away at the door

Yup, because that's totally their job. To deal with the 1 person who cannot respect a no video/photo rule, and the 1 parent who thinks posting videos online is child abuse.

YANBU to be annoyed but it’s not really the nursery’s fault. If your dd enjoys going and is thriving there it will not be fair to remove her

Anyone who thinks that the nursery have any control over this picture now that it’s out there is naive.

Yes, they can tell the parent to take it down or else.

All the parent has to do is make it private, exclude anyone who is likely to see it from nursery, and say they’ve taken it down.

Chances are said picture has already been spread far and wide not only on facebook, but across the family WhatsApp group, been shared among the family etc etc and if other children are in it those parents may also have shared it.

The only way these events can be controlled is by parents being made to put their phones in a box on entry. Interestingly a lot of concert venues do this now so it’s not a first.

But unfortunately we now live in an age where it is literally impossible to keep your children offline. They are being filmed on CCTV everywhere they go. On people’s ring doorbells, on shop CCTV, on phones where people are taking pictures of their own kids in the park,

No op is annoyed that's all. I personally think nursery should be taking phones away at the door if they have events but then at primary etc than I believe photos are allowed.

I really don't know what the issue is, it's a photo but I put a pic of myself in my bikini on LinkedIn so who cares

Yeah that's fair enough. I just don't think withdrawing the child from the nursery will make the person take the pic down. They haven't even refused to do so yet.

The nursery should ring the parent and remind her of the setting’s rules around posting to social media. It is absolutely their responsibility to do this.

They can't physically force but which parent is going to sit there after being barated for taking photos and putting them online ... Not going to create a good atmosphere

Ok so they could ban that parent from 'future events' but not force them to take the picture down.