to withdraw my daughter from nursery

Unfortunately you're not going to be able to control this. Once she's in school people will video and post online. There's not a lot you can do. Pulling her out of nursery is so drastic. Will you do this when she's in school? Ban her from all performances?

I'm so sorry for what you've been through, but you can't let it get in the way of your daughter having a full childhood xx

I’ll just add that there are huge positives of parents filming and taking photos. I couldn’t attend an event last week and was messaged out the blue by one of the parents with videos of every song (she had heard from my DH on the school run that our other child was ill). I didn’t ask her to so was lovely to receive. Im not going to now check with her where she has shared those after she did a really lovely thing for me.

My kids are quite a bit older, but I have similar concerns about sharing images of them online. Work exposed me to some of the darker things that can happen with images of kids posted online before I had my own family so I have always been cautious. However, I've also had to learn over time to relax and bit and to pick my battles carefully because we live in a digital age and it's very difficult to have a complete blackout on your child being online. You'll also miss out on finding out about how they are getting on because schools and youth groups tend to rely on picture sharing. My lines in the sand are now that I don't mind if my child features in a group shot with other children in a closed social media account, but I don't want any pictures that feature them or where their name is attached anywhere. In this case it sounds like the parent has violated the nursery's own policy and I don't think you'd be unreasonable to ask them to reach out to the parent and delete the content from their public facing social media now, rather than waiting until after Christmas to resolve this. I'd also ask for a reminder to be announced at any events attended by parents in future. I wouldn't withdraw your child, because you are going to face these types of issues repeatedly throughout her childhood and it's much better that you learn to deal with them now.

People break the law all the time. It is not the lawmakers fault. Similarity here in that a parent broke the nursery rules. It is not the nurseries fault. The same happens at schools as well. We always say please do not share imaging on social media but some arseholes still do. It is not child abuse to share a fully clothed image of a child singing. I understand your issues but I think you’re past experience is blinding you here.
if your child is happy and thriving at this nursery that is the most important thing. They will ask them to take it down but they can’t enforce it. They will also no doubt reinforce this to parents moving forwards. I wouldn’t remove your child for this. And I also think you need to speak to a counsellor and talk through your extreme reactions to this.

Whilst I have sympathy with your situation, you must realise your experience I by no means typical. I have a friend who was SA’d by several men, so get how those experiences permeate all of your views and decision making.

Would you say that actors, all children on TV and in advertising, etc are also being ‘abused’? Whilst I have empathy your situation, you should be careful not to apply your uniquely and sadly developed views about the actual risks to children to situations where your risk assessment is so influenced by past that it is flawed, or at least not proportionate. My friends child was sadly quite impacted on by her mothers views around risks etc. Also, you make many friends or garner much empathy implying that parents who choose to share images of their child online I are abusing their child.

Completely agree. There are parties every week at Reception, weekly play dates, days out. I think the best thing OP can do is ask the other parents if she wants her face blocked out. This is our schools policy when they share the kids photos online (in official school social media). In my childs class of nearly 30, I think there is 1 who has not consented to be shown online and his face is always blocked out. This shows the overwhelming majority are ok with the school sharing their faces.

Your daughters face will already be online hundreds of times already either from being at parties, just being out and about or other parents at nursery sharing events. School ask only to post your own child at nursery/school events (sports day for example) and many parents do that (or block the other faces out) but many dont. I would speak to the nursery and ask them to explain to the Mum the reasons why. But im afraid it is going to happen many, many times through school. If you’re on social media, you will see a ton of posts with other kids especially after parties/sports day. It will be hard work for you asking to never have your daughters face shared online as you are going to have to contact every parent attending every event/party through school.

I think pulling her out which would affect her well-being/happiness/learning would be completely ridiculous. I’d say the best thing you can do is ask on the nursery and school whats app groups if people can always block her face out.

I am a nursery worker and our show is next week. This issue worries me, I strongly am against my own DC on SM and totally understand the OPs view here. We have allowed recording because some parents cannot be there so everyone had to sign a consent form specific to this event, as they all agreed it can go ahead. On the day we will remind them again it is for personal use. In our initial application form there is an agreement to a no SM policy, because pictures are shared all the time on an app. If all kids in the room consent to being pictured together it makes our lives a lot easier as we can post nice group pictures. But this consent is for personal use only within the app. What I don't know is how binding this agreement is and what the consequences are of a breach of this. I think if you approach the nursery about this they should know the legal position and have words with the other parent.

This is obviously very important to you and has really upset you. I think you need to make a complaint to the nursery manager with a clear expectation of what you want to happen.

I dont understand why the nursery don’t pick up the phone and call the person who posted it to ask them to take it down and threaten to ban them from future performances if they ever do it again.

I think ringing the management and asking specifically for that to happen would be a reasonable next step.

If they weren’t willing to do so then your next step would be to say you are going to escalate it to ofsted and the information commisioners office as a breach of GDPR which I would expect them to take seriously.

If they failed to respond to that I think then the trust would be broken and I would start looking for a new nursery.

It's not the chocolate that's the main issue. It's the going behind her back and breaking her trust, and, worst of all, teaching her son it's okay to lie to his parents and it's okay to lie if it's over something you want, despite you knowing the rules (whether you agree with them or not). I'm flabbergasted that Mum and Grandad would risk it again after the first time and it speaks volumes about how they value you. You don't have to accept being disrespected by anyone. I would be very much done with both of them.

i wouldn’t remove her but I would want to be reassured that this had been addressed with the parent in question- by asking she remove the video and strongly reminding her of their policy on online sharing.

You are overreacting and also projecting. You can’t control what other people do, you can only ask and she can choose to ignore you or refuse. The reality is your daughter will be in school, she will have friends, she will at some stage go to other people’s houses for play dates. You can’t control who takes pictures of her and you can’t make her life so small (withdrawing her from nursery, refusing play dates, etc.) just because you have your own issues. Will you be withdrawing her from school when 60-90 parents start taking videos at the reception nativity play? I’m not saying you are unreasonable to be upset but I would encourage you to think about your daughter and put her first as opposed to give in to your fear about online images.

It is an OP problem because she is so anxious about this she wants to withdraw her child and has hyperbolically called it abuse by many many people.

She isn’t going to be able to police this at all and unless something really changes she is not going to be able to control it at all when it comes to teenagers (trust me I have 2 and whereas they are sensible some of the things they tell me and show me)

and going in with that attitude with her daughter isn’t going to help either

she is right but she is also massively overreacting due to her anxiety and she needs to separate out those things in order to survive parenting her child through to adulthood with a sensible approach to these things

School/nursery staff aren't going to search and confiscate recording devices from parents at the front gate.

OP, I also don't post my children online so I get your annoyance. But unless you are going to withdraw your daughter from nursery, school, dance classes, sports teams, birthday parties, play areas etc for the next 16 years you cannot control who sees her image.

I know a lot of people here are telling you that you are overreacting, but I’m completely with you! Can you report it to the site she uploaded to? I’d report the post and the account. I also agree it does not matter if the account is public or private, either way Mark Zuckerberg’s data collection machine holds your child’s image.

We need tighter restrictions on this.

Removing her from Nursery won’t help. I’d make a song and dance to find out how they will prevent this at future events and get VERY difficult if anything similar happened with the same parent. If they don’t follow through report to Ofsted.

Your problem here is still with the parent, not the nursery.

Honestly I find it strange that you don't mention if your dd is happy or what effect a move to a different nursery would have on her well being. Surely that's the main issue to consider. I'd be unhappy too about this, I'm not on SM at all and prefer to keep it that way. But if DD is happy you should leave her, this isn't the nursery's fault.

What annoys me is we can't take any photos or recordings anymore of DC at school events because of idiot parents like this. My DD had a lead role in a play and I have no record of it.

What are your options if you pull your daughter from this nursery where she feels comfortable?

you can put her in another nursery. No matter their policies, you will face the same problems.

you can hire a nanny. Unless the nanny never leaves the house with your child, you can’t guarantee your child won’t be filmed.

you could quit your job. Again, unless you keep your child indoors at all times, you risk someone catching her image and posting it somewhere. You might never even know it happened.

you can be vigilant and keep the spread of your child’s likeness to a minimum, but you can’t prevent it completely. It’s simply not possible anymore.

There will be parents at every stage who are so entitled that they ignore nursery / school / club policies. Kids by 11 don’t want any photos posted by parents IME.
They use platforms to share with mates but delete

And they can delete the photo at the request of another customer

I agree with others, it's really not the nursery's fault - they have the policy and this person has flouted it. Unfortunately it happens.

They do have the ability to pull the parent up for that though and tell them that can't attend the events if they don't adhere to the policy.

You can hold them responsible when it was taken on their premises, it was their rules and it's their customer.

You can say anything, whether it's no mobiles in the building, phones to be kept strictly in bags, phones off, phones allowed but only on silent with no recording, someone will think it doesn't apply to them. You can't hold school responsible unless they are frisking everyone.

A teacher isn't just going to be able to force another adult to hand over their phone, or even check their pockets to see if they have one!

Oh come on. You say no mobiles past the front gate of reception.