to withdraw my daughter from nursery

You’re not wrong but the fact is they do, and there is nothing we can do to stop it.

Moreover most kids seem to have smartphones by the age of about ten these days and most manage to join instagram and the like way before they’re old enough and are then uploading their own images to social media.

This trend should have been stopped at the time social media became a thing, before it got too big to police.

The damn has broken now and there’s no going back.

Even for children who have been fostered and adopted it’s never going to be possible to keep them offline because even if the school/nursery don’t put them in their photo’s they absolutely will appear in other people’s.

Talk of going to the council and ofsted over a picture where a child was in the background so it’s not even as if the picture was actually of the child in question, is so ridiculous it’s laughable.

Ideally the nurseries should change the policy to have smartphones left at the door when going in which would then not only stop unwanted photography/video’s but would also stop people’s phones ringing/text messages going off etc, but I guarantee you that if they did that the same precious people on this thread would be up in arms at having to be without a phone for the half an hour it takes to watch the play.

Giving up on MN at the moment, it's attaching random posts to my posts 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Surely the only person you can be mad at is the woman who's posted it? What more can the nursery staff do?

🤣🤣🤣

I would want much tougher action from the nursery - they should have told parents either not to record at all or to keep any recordings private given mixed views on sharing among parents. This parent has therefore broken nursery policy and they need to remind her of that very strongly. Is there an all nursery parents WA group? Ours has this. I would post a message on there saying that “we are aware there is a video on social media from the Carol service which features our daughter, we did not give consent for her image to be shared, so please can this be taken down.”
OP, we tick the same box on all the forms and I would also be cross.

What on earth do you think the council are going to do? It wasn't the staff filming a child inappropriately, it was a parent secretly filming a Christmas performance. The nursery asked people not to film it, what more were they supposed to do? Search everyone and pat them down? It's already been put up online so it's too late to do much about it now anyway.

Its really sad that nowhere in this is there any suggestion of accountability by adults filming other people's children and that maybe they just don't do it. Maybe we don't need to record every bit of every child's life in the first place and put it out there for public consumption?

You know OP your real fear should be when your child is old enough to go online themselves, that is where the real danger lies.

You are understandably projecting due to what happened to you, but taking your child out of the nursery where she is presumably happy and settled is very unfair IMO.

I think it would definitely be worth getting some professional help tbh so you don't let the terrible things that happened to you impact your dd. There are a bazillion pictures of people's kids including celebs all over the internet, I very much doubt anyone is interested in some video covertly filmed from a weird angle that happens to have your child in it.

OK, so the OP does that, destroys her relationship with the nursery, has to find alternative childcare etc. Then her daughter appears in the background of some birthday party photos.
Or when she starts school, a parent videos the nativity.
Or her daughter joins a football team and someone films a game.
Where do you stop?

You do realise that what was done is law breaking? Filming children in public is entirely different from filming without permission at a private event and then sharing that footage. It's against Safeguarding and GDPR regulations and the situation is not being taken seriously enough by the nursery in question.

This is a serious breach of safeguarding and GDPR regulations and the Nursery is not taking this seriously enough. My first action, if there is no satisfaction from the owner/manager, would be to contact the local council, who I suspect have licenced the business, for advice and if appropriate, to report the situation.

This will happen multiple times a year in school - weekly parties, playdates, sports day for the whole school, performances. We have 200 plus kids in our primary - shall I check 400 parents (plus grandparents!) social media after sports day to check no ones shared a tiny picture of my child in the background of their photo? Ridiculous. The best you can hope for is the nursery to contact the Mum and ask her to adhere to the rules in the future (mainly because its only fair to all parents if thats the rules).

But the OP needs to accept her chids image will (and undoubtedly has already) been shared multiple times if she’s been at that nursery a while. It will also have been shared in whats app groups between parent friends at the nursery. If her daughter goes on to do sports hobbies, it will be shared in those groups or on social media by those parents too. Removing the child from nursery is madness.

The nursery was involved because someone filmed the children, without permission, on their premises. This is a serious safeguarding issue because both the recording and subsequent showing publicly is illegal. There are very good reasons why that is so.

The nursery is not taking this seriously enough. I would have been talking to the person in charge of safeguarding at the nursery and contacting the local council (which I assume has licenced the nursery) about this.

I’m not really sure what you would gain by removing her from the nursery. I can’t see any way on which this is the nursery’s fault. They’ve said they’ll speak to her and ask her to take it down- what more can they really do? Obviously they have their policy re no filming of events, but they can’t stop people if they don’t notice them doing it.
Remove her if you want, but this could happen anywhere. Her next nursery, primary school, birthday parties etc.

Part of being an adult is accepting that there are certain things in life that one has little to no control over… and learning to let go.

Our suffering is ours alone to bear. Please don’t steep your daughter in your anxiety.

I agree. What if it hasn't been the OP's daughter but another child who has come from the foster system? Foster and adoptive parents are often highly vigilant because children often come from difficult and/or abusive backgrounds and don't want the child in the public eye in any way whatsoever. Would that be an overreaction also? Can we not just respect parents' and the nursery's boundaries on this with respect?

We live in the northern Ireland and my daughters school put photos and videos up on Facebook all the time. There is a child a few years above my daughter that just gets a smiley face stuck over her face on Facebook. It wouldn't be fair for the school to ask that child to go somewhere else all the time so I'm not sure if there is a alternative.

I never posted her much until she went to school. I had to decide what was best. I didn't want her to constantly be missing out or asked to stand aside while the other children had their photos or videos taken. It's nice to watch it back and my daughter loves watching them back every Friday and she likes to point out what they were doing.

Unfortunately our children have their photos taken or are being recorded all the time. CCTV, people at the park or at their friends birthday parties. I don't think we can prevent it much. So I've decided I'm ok with it as long as she's fully clothed (no bath or swimming pool photos) and she isn't distressed, crying or doing something that she would be embarrassed about later on.

I really empathise with you OP. We dont allow our daughter to be posted anywhere on online and have requested this from the nursery too. This includes being the in the background of nursery’s pics of other children.

I wouldn’t withdraw her as I think in this world, it’s almost impossible not to have pictures of our children. People don’t seem to realise the implications and just post whenever they want.

I would just put it to the back of your mind. The most you can do is email/call the nursery and ask them to contact the parent to take down the video.

To call it child abuse is utterly ridiculous and is deeply insulting to children who have actually been abused! Its not slightly the same thing. Get a grip OP

Total over reaction. Nobody knows who the random kid in the background is (or caresl). I assume this is your PFB? This will happen forever at primary and high school

Hmm. I would give yourself two weeks to calm down before making any rash decisions. Uprooting your child from a nursery where she is thriving because another parent did not follow safeguarding rules is daft. And you may end up seriously regretting it. If the nursery have not condoned it and have actively told parents not to, secretive filming is the fault of the other parent. Seriously. Give yourself time to calm down and don't knee jerk.

It's not their fault. All they can do is reiterate the rules to the parents but you'll get those that ignore them wherever you go unfortunately

Totally understand (also an abused child) but the nursery doesn’t have to wait until the child attends again? They can contact the parent and ask (tell!) them to delete it. And I’d want them banning from any future performances. They have totally overstepped the mark.

You do know legally you do not have any rights to control your child's image. They are filmed/photographed all the time in public and the copyright does not belong to you. You have no say over the usage if its within law.

You need to stop being so precious.

The ‘posting children online is child abuse’ really makes her sound unhinged as opposed to her original post which had a valid point about following nursery rules (and the reasons behind it).

99% of my fb friends have posted their kids at some point - its not child abuse to post kids faces online. I hope the OP doesn’t throw that about in messages to her fellow parents as I think she’ll get a strong response back.