I don’t want to parent this weekend

Op I’m just here to say I HEAR YOU and not make annoying suggestions about baths, a night in a Travelodge or working more.

I once said to DH that I’m treating motherhood as a prison sentence, and when they reach 18 I’ll be turfing them out and warning them I won’t ever be cooking a fucking meal again 😢 I didn’t really mean it but was just utterly drained and destroyed from years of broken sleep, relentless fighting/whining/crying, and nothing I give ever being enough. For a long time, and still quite regularly now, I would wake each morning with a sick sinking feeling, just absolutely dreading the day ahead and feeling I would rather do almost anything other than another 5.30am wake in the dark with the toddler.

I was and am still at a physically very low ebb from not sleeping, relentless buggy pushing in the freezing cold and rain, and probably all the cortisol that has been pumping around me for 6 years now as I try to stop them injuring themselves or each other or destroying my house 24/7. I look tired, pale and fat, with crap hair/nails and live in clothes that feel practical yet slobby and depressing.

We also have zero family help so get no time off, and I mean none. Me and DH get 1 date ‘lunch’ together a year, as all other AL must be used for school holidays. Our last one was booked for last week, but youngest got ill and we had to collect him from nursery. So that’s that - our yearly date. I wanted to cry.

The past week we’ve had D&V (3 days of vomiting), the moment that stopped DS came down with hand foot and mouth, and all this started just as we were finishing up a monster cold with endless nighttime coughing for weeks. I’m just utterly knackered, and today have to do our yearly Christmas farm trip which means more standing outside in the rain and buggy pushing when I just want to watch films with a face mask on and ignore everything.

I truly love the kids and I try very hard to be grateful, but it’s just very hard to stay positive
this exhausted. I won’t even listen to posters who have grandparent help and get a night off a month or whatever, they’re on a different planet to me.

Are they massively over stimulated by any chance?! My DD could cope with doing one activity each weekend and never big busy Christmas stuff with loads of people. She suffered massively with sensory issues and we only realised when she was 4 or 5 that we had to dial it all down loads and not do big family days out.

Have you tried spending more time indoors just pottering and not doing much with them? Saying this as you mention having a packed weekend.

Was your no ‘no, their father isn’t available.’ ?

it’s really important to threads like this, because so often once the thread unravels it turns out kids are just being kids but the actual problem is lack of parenting from the other parent.

Must be really tough doing it alone. Most of us need some respite.

Buy ear plugs and have a huge declutter so there’s less mess around. Hang in there!!

Professional help isn’t a magic solution either.

I had counselling but it doesn’t help when you get no sleep or rest.

I am on sertraline but also doesn’t help because the problems are practical/physical, rather than mental .

Yeah it’s bloody hard.

Speaking for myself, as a parent of a 21 year old I have nostalgic thoughts about spending (maximum) an hour with him aged 4 again, but I have never once wished that he was 2 again.

The void brews is they become more independent, the bad news is it’s a couple of years away.

Is this a rant because they are being particularly hard work today or a more long standing feeling?

My DC are similar ages, and the youngest is going through a challenging stage, so I do understand feeling a bit wiped out sometimes. But if you are truly struggling to cope or find enjoyment in your family life, you need to seek professional help.

Small children can be hard work but if you're only seeing the negatives, I'd be concerned about depression.

I absolutely remember feeling like this when kids were younger. Desperate for some rest and peace. It’s so much easier now they’re 5 and 9 (they’re up longer but still… easier). I was going through a rough divorce and moving house when the youngest was two too, I ended up getting shingles from the stress. It feels like it will be hard forever at the moment but gradually things will get easier for you x

Can you put your dd in nursery every day next week (assuming your ds doesn't break ip til friday) I know it won’t help today but a fee days for yourself in the week could help avoid total burnout here?

Massive empathy OP, I hear you. As much as we love our children it isn’t easy, sometimes it’s just shit.
I hope you make it through to bedtime ok

Loads of free Christmas stuff around me.

Similar to you? Make yourself a coffee and draw up a plan for the day.

Is the father involved?

Partner?
do you work op? School? Nursery?

There has been a few people ask if there is another parent involved, are you able to ask them to do more during the weekend? Or have other family members take them for a few hours?

Don’t worry op i get it.

We are trying everything we can and we are allowed to feel like shit when things don’t work.

Our 2 year old doesn’t sleep. We are beyond exhausted. Nothing helps. Including HV and sleep consultant. But apparently we are just supposed to be really positive.

My 5 year old went through a year of hitting me 50 times a day when he was 3. Turned out his ears were blocked so he was fustrated but until i could find someone to diagnose it and sort it privately, i just had to put up with it.