Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say something?

111 replies

hazelowens · 13/12/2025 02:46

My ex husband remarried on the 11th to the woman he moved in with (as a flatmate) the night I told him to leave and go back to his girlfriend. He has always denied he had an affair and that they only started as a couple a few months after him and I split up.

At the wedding someone was doing a speech and said that their relationship started in 2013 but didn't become serious till late 2014 when he arrived on her door step with his bags. We had split up October 2014. Our boys were sitting hearing this speech and they looked at each other going mum and dad split up in 2014 not 2013.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 13/12/2025 06:50

No, don't say anything apart from a chat with your sons about it

Squirrelchops1 · 13/12/2025 06:47

I wouldn't say anything. He has outed himself and your children can see what the truth is.

Oneandanotheroneistwo · 13/12/2025 06:43

I agree with PP's - don't say anything. It won't achieve what you want it to.

However, your poor boys finding out that way. I do hope they're ok.

Springtimehere · 13/12/2025 04:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Strawberrryfields · 13/12/2025 04:01

It’s annoying he’s never owned up even all this time later. But you all know the truth - you, him and now your kids. I wouldn’t expect anything from your ex at all. He showed you who he was over 10years ago, isn’t it pretty sad he clearly hasn’t grown or reflected in all that time.

Be glad he isn’t your problem anymore and accept that any closure on the situation is going to come from you not from him. You have the validation that you were completely right all those years ago. Don’t give him anymore of your headspace.

TwooooDoooozenRoses · 13/12/2025 03:41

With kindness op, what’s the point? Why do you need him to admit to an affair when it’s perfectly obvious to everyone involved that he had an affair?
Also, and I don’t mean this to be horrible, it was 12 years ago! He isn’t your concern anymore and hasn’t been for a very long time.

DoreensLemonDrizzle · 13/12/2025 03:27

I understand that, your feelings are perfectly reasonable. However, he is unlikely to, and you know the truth - as well as being well rid
of him.

He lacks integrity, but let that be his issue. You are free, and as much as his affair hurts, knowing you were spot on with your instincts and made positive moves to protect yourself is a better victory that proving a point against a proven liar.

PollyBell · 13/12/2025 03:27

No idea what benefit any of this is to your children

Original poster
hazelowens · 13/12/2025 03:22

I would just like for him to actually admit that he had an affair. He has made me think I had over reacted the night I asked him to leave and that I made him run into her arms and if I hadn't told him.to leave that night we might have been able to fix things but now it turns out he was probably hoping I would argue with him that night so he had an excuse to leave and go to her.

I am glad I did make him go as I looked back and realised how miserable I was for at least 6 months before he went.

OP posts:
DoAWheelie · 13/12/2025 03:01

What do you hope to gain by saying anything? Do you just want an apology, or for people to turn against him?

What does a good outcome look like for you?

DoreensLemonDrizzle · 13/12/2025 02:53

No, I wouldn’t say anything. You’re free from him, and your children can make their own minds up about him.

Enjoy your freedom.