Would you say something?

He told me the only reason he went to the wedding was to pet the fluffy cows. He got to pet the cows and he met family he didn't know he had.

this is me indicates the OP’s anger

added to which posted multiple times on mumsnet on recent days about her ex and his affair. Although on another one it’s different because apparently he did tell everyone about the affair because he claims he did it as retaliation for the OP’s affair 😵‍💫

Im not getting any of what you say from OPs posts, I see her reflecting on the hurt he caused at the time, and noting that he remains an idiot to this day. Can you quote which part of OPs posts you are getting the 'fury and bitterness of someone who found out last week.' from? Have I missed a post thats been deleted or something?

Neither

But this happened 12 years ago and you speak with the fury and bitterness of someone who found out last week.

I hope you have carved out a life for yourself since then. He behaved despicably, but for you to be this angry 12 years later indicates that you’re still very much in the eye of the storm

He's a scumbag and I'm glad his kids know it.

And 12 years later his son his attending his father’s wedding just to feed back to his mother poison.

You think that is healthy?

Utter nonsense.
His father abandoned 5 children to run off with another woman.
This kind of man is why marriage exists in the first place to try and get feckless men to stick around to raise the children they sired.
His mother doesn't need to "poison" her children's minds, their father did that all by himself.

Rubbish.

Your thoughts and feelings are completely valid. Unless you’ve been in this position you could never even start to understand how this kind of situation can eat away at you. You deserve to know the truth. He’s not going to give it to you unfortunately. Rarely do these spineless idiots actually admit it to themselves let alone the people they have hurt. I completely agree with you about him pushing you into a fight as an excuse to leave, again spineless. So give your self that truth, take it from this speech and continue to move forward loving yourself and your children. I’m so sorry your children had to sit there and hear this, I’m sure they will have their own feeling about this situation. Don’t ask him for anything. He’s clearly not worth it. Let him be someone else’s worry now. We all know that if that’s the basis of a relationship it’s going to be a rocky road, they deserve each other and you deserve peace. Take care of yourself and your children and enjoy whatever it is you enjoy this festive season.

🧦

I attended a funeral where two daughters (and everyone else) learnt about their fathers infidelity during an emotional eulogy from (by then) fiancé.
You dont need to hear him say it. You know it’s true, your children have figured it out. You’re free.

What a weird take, I guess you identify with the trollop bride's side?

I wouldn’t say anything as it would come across that you haven’t got over him. I think it is very disrespectful for the person who said this to do so with your children sat in the room, I’m guessing they are at least teens? If they are annoyed/upset about this revelation then they should tell their dad so

I wouldn’t say anything. Everyone knows he cheated but I find in these situations (where the guilty parties are still together more than I decade on) people tend to be more accepting of what happened. All it will do is make you look bitter and give the impression that your life hasn’t moved on in all these years.

I find this post really sad.

Your poor son. Utterly poisoned by you to the extent he attends his father’s wedding just to report back and bitch to his
mother

Just suck it up! The kids will realise who he really is and make up their own minds for the relationship with him. Just make sure you protect them from the new wife. I had been in your kids shoes and it sucks!!! My mum and dad divorced with I was a kid because he cheated on her. My mum was always so protective of us but also made sure we have a relationship with him cause he is our father no matter what happened between them. And he was always kind to us and treated us nicely and financially supported us. But little did I know what an asshole he was to my mum. I lost my mum in 2011 and 6 years later I was in my dad’s house visiting and his wife sat me down now that “I am older” to clear the air out and start a new fresh relationship. The bloody bitch told me that she casually started dating my dad when my mum was pregnant with my sister ( she is 7 years older than me!!!!!!!) and kept going on how my mum was overacting when the divorce happened. It just made me sick. For the memory of my mum and own self respect, I never talked to him or her ever again. It’s just disgusting and bringing up to the kid it’s bloody pointless. And the people in your partner’s wedding that made the speech they should have thought that his kids will be there. So disrespectful! Hold on and just try to make sure you protect your boys!!

why are you still looking for things from your ex? Focus on your boys.

The people who matter know. You and your sons. Let it lie now. Your children can make their own minds up. Hold your head high and sashay away.

No there's no point in saying anything. He outed himself in front of all the guests (his family and friends) which included his children who now know that their dad was having an affair before he divorced their mom.
Twisting your ex's arm to get him to admit it will accomplish nothing at this point. You know he's a liar, he knows he's a liar, his family friends and children know he's a liar, go on with your life.

This is messy but this is what some people do. You have suffered, pain and confusion. Best thing is to accept that YOU are still going through a period of time where your Brain is STILL processing it. It eoukd be a mistake to brush your disgusted feelings aside, at this point, and try to carry on like everything is GREAT. Acknowledge your ANGER and HUMILIATION. Process it over the next few months. Relish the fact that HE caused the confusion and is probably feeling more confused as HE has got to NOW put on a Happy Front. When it near on IMPOSSIBLE to do after a major break up. Plus HE s probably wondering what the he l YOURE UP TO now, who you're chatting to abd it's going to drive him bonkers. We always think that the other person get s off Scott free when he was probably brain washed into REMARRYING!!¡!!. Give yourself more time to process The madness, wallow in it until you get bored with it ( him).

Ignore people saying it was 12 years ago. That doesn’t change the fact you’ve been gaslit into thinking it was your fault and you’ve had to put up with that. I can see the point of not letting him see your bothered but after 12 years I’m sure you’re more angry than upset and I’d want him to know that. At least now your kids have heard it from the horses mouth.

Don’t say anything, ther’s absolutely no point. He’s clearly a liar and has no remorse so saying anything won’t help. I would say to your boys that you’re sorry they had to hear that but that hopefully it helps them to understand why you aren’t married anymore and that it hurt you as much as it hurt them. No need to slag him off but don’t sugarcoat it.

The person speaking at the wedding clearly had no idea that your ex was having an affair, otherwise they wouldn't have mentioned the dates at the wedding. Your ex spun everyone his own narrative, and no one had any reason to disbelieve him. You have been split since October 2014, which is now 11 years ago. Yes, he obviously was having an affair with this woman - you now know this as do your children. I see absolutely no point tin confronting him over it all, this far down the line. You're not achieving anything. He must realise his son's heard the speech and therefore would have told you. Be grateful that you are no longer married to him. Remember - when a man marries his mistress, it creates a vacancy!

He's a class A B@st*rd.
Any man who leaves 5 children to run off with another woman is.
Yours sons know that too.

You're better off without him.