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Original poster

Would you say something?

111 replies

hazelowens · 13/12/2025 02:46

My ex husband remarried on the 11th to the woman he moved in with (as a flatmate) the night I told him to leave and go back to his girlfriend. He has always denied he had an affair and that they only started as a couple a few months after him and I split up.

At the wedding someone was doing a speech and said that their relationship started in 2013 but didn't become serious till late 2014 when he arrived on her door step with his bags. We had split up October 2014. Our boys were sitting hearing this speech and they looked at each other going mum and dad split up in 2014 not 2013.

OP posts:
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Enduser1 · 17/12/2025 06:27

I would definitely call only going to his father’s wedding was *to pet the fluffy cows. *would strongly indicate someone despised their father even before knowing about the affair.

Original poster
hazelowens · 17/12/2025 00:28

Enduser1 · 16/12/2025 17:34

my son filled me as soon as he came home. He told me the only reason he went to the wedding was to pet the fluffy cows. He got to pet the cows and he met family he didn't know he had.

So he obviously actively despised his father and his partner before even knowing about the affair? @hazelowens

Despise is a very strong word, he stopped going to see his dad when he called and said he couldn't come to his big appointment about his heart as he was working. He went onto Facebook to find out he had actually gone for lunch with his now wife and her family. He told his dad that it wasn't the not going it was the lies. He decided after that he wasn't going to stay with his dad. I asked him every week to go see him for about a year then decided myself that if his dad wanted to see him he could ask him himself.

OP posts:
Enduser1 · 16/12/2025 17:34

my son filled me as soon as he came home. He told me the only reason he went to the wedding was to pet the fluffy cows. He got to pet the cows and he met family he didn't know he had.

So he obviously actively despised his father and his partner before even knowing about the affair? @hazelowens

Merrynet · 16/12/2025 07:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AgDulAmach · 15/12/2025 14:02

I really don't think there's any point in saying something. Your ex is delusional fuckwit and you won't make any difference to the story he tells himself and others about what a good guy he is. Why waste your energy? He did you a favour when he left, be thankful for that and move on.

Original poster
hazelowens · 15/12/2025 13:30

BountifulPantry · 15/12/2025 06:02

It must have been hard for your sons to hear that from strangers at a wedding. How are they?

They are okay. Our middle child just said that he thinks his father an even bigger idiot than he did before the speeches. Our oldest and youngest just said that they should have told the speech giver to take that out the speech as his 3 younger kids where in the room. I suspect the new wife gave them the details as my ex has the memory of a sieve, he has all 5 DOB of the boys on his arm as he can never remember when they were born.

OP posts:
Lilaclove1 · 15/12/2025 06:31

As if this man is going to “squirm” if the OP starts pointing out she now has proof his now wife, who he’s been with for well over a decade, began earlier than he said it did.

I think he’d probably end up laughing with his mates about it over a pint

BountifulPantry · 15/12/2025 06:02

It must have been hard for your sons to hear that from strangers at a wedding. How are they?

Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 20:25

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 19:14

Deep

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Okay 😂

Original poster
hazelowens · 14/12/2025 20:10

TiredMummma · 14/12/2025 19:57

100% say something but also, this is his 3rd wife??? 5 kids by different women. Yikes

Yip he has 2 kids with wife#1 and 3 kids with me. There is a possibility that he has a boy with a girl he was with when he was 16.

I dont think he has been single except for a month or so between leaving wife #1 and meeting me since he was 16, he is now 61. I don't know if he could actually function in the world as a single person.

OP posts:
TiredMummma · 14/12/2025 19:57

100% say something but also, this is his 3rd wife??? 5 kids by different women. Yikes

Bobloblawww · 14/12/2025 19:44

It’s been ten years. Time to move on.

CraftyPlayer · 14/12/2025 19:15

Let it go. You’re well shot of the lying prick.

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 19:14

Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 19:07

Its great that you clearly feel that for you, the best thing for you to do, would be to move on and enjoy life and that doing something like this would bring nothing to you, but we are all different and different people would gain different things from getting closure on certain parts of their lives, and different people are willing to take different levels of risk on that not working out, too! You can be living a happy life and also want to take the opportunity to have the last word! You can be happy never acknowledging someone's wronged you ever again. We are all different.

Deep

Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 19:07

Its great that you clearly feel that for you, the best thing for you to do, would be to move on and enjoy life and that doing something like this would bring nothing to you, but we are all different and different people would gain different things from getting closure on certain parts of their lives, and different people are willing to take different levels of risk on that not working out, too! You can be living a happy life and also want to take the opportunity to have the last word! You can be happy never acknowledging someone's wronged you ever again. We are all different.

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 19:01

Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 18:57

Thats definitely a risk OP would have to decide is its worth taking or not!

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Or just move on and enjoy life

I think it would be very strange if someone who divorced 12 years ago and has just remarried really would do anything other than “you can’t seriously be still harping on about this ??” If his ex started bringing up date discrepancies

Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 18:57

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 16:14

Not if he chuckles and says “are you still hung up on that??!”

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Thats definitely a risk OP would have to decide is its worth taking or not!

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 16:14

Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 16:13

Might make OP feel a bit better though!

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Not if he chuckles and says “are you still hung up on that??!”

Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 16:13

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:20

Might make him squirm for 30 seconds.

someone who has an affair, one went on to a marriage 12 years later…. Well, unlikely to squirm about anything!

Might make OP feel a bit better though!

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:20

Might make him squirm for 30 seconds.

someone who has an affair, one went on to a marriage 12 years later…. Well, unlikely to squirm about anything!

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:20

Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 15:11

Oh. I mean, saying something could be 'you might want to be more careful about what is said around the boys, they have come back from your wedding and due to what was said in the speeches have figured out you were having an affair before we split' which isnt hugely furious and volatile.
Might make him squirm for 30 seconds. Might not. Might give OP half an hour of satisfaction after dealing with years of his shit while he rowed merrily off into the sunset. Doesnt mean she's still at the height of anger, it could be more a little 'hah, got u' that might bring her a bit of closure. People encourage others to take the high road, and I get it, but we are all different and quite often the 'high road' only serves to reduce the discomfort that the wrongdoing party feels, and makes the wronged party feel worse for things not being out in the open. Sometimes its not that you arent okay to start with now, its that doing something like this can give you a bit of peace/joy for your past self who had to sit back and take the bullshit while the other person rowed off into the sunset. Everyone's different!

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The kids all knew about the affair before the wedding

Original poster
hazelowens · 14/12/2025 15:18

Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 15:11

Oh. I mean, saying something could be 'you might want to be more careful about what is said around the boys, they have come back from your wedding and due to what was said in the speeches have figured out you were having an affair before we split' which isnt hugely furious and volatile.
Might make him squirm for 30 seconds. Might not. Might give OP half an hour of satisfaction after dealing with years of his shit while he rowed merrily off into the sunset. Doesnt mean she's still at the height of anger, it could be more a little 'hah, got u' that might bring her a bit of closure. People encourage others to take the high road, and I get it, but we are all different and quite often the 'high road' only serves to reduce the discomfort that the wrongdoing party feels, and makes the wronged party feel worse for things not being out in the open. Sometimes its not that you arent okay to start with now, its that doing something like this can give you a bit of peace/joy for your past self who had to sit back and take the bullshit while the other person rowed off into the sunset. Everyone's different!

Show quote history

This.

I asked him for ages if he had been seeing her before we separated and he always said no she was just a good friend that was helping him get back on his feet. When I saw a text message she sent to him he told me that she was obsessed with him and he was trying to let her down gently.

I knew he had been having an affair and for it to be said out in the open where possibly 50 people heard the speech he cannot say it's all in my head.

OP posts:
Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 15:11

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:03

The op is considering “saying something”

12 years after the event

I mean… he’s still with the woman he left the op for, so I’m guessing he wouldn’t take a blind bit of notice of the op pointing out this discrepancy in any shape or form. He’s on his honeymoon presumably and not giving any thought to what happened over a decade ago I would guess 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Oh. I mean, saying something could be 'you might want to be more careful about what is said around the boys, they have come back from your wedding and due to what was said in the speeches have figured out you were having an affair before we split' which isnt hugely furious and volatile.
Might make him squirm for 30 seconds. Might not. Might give OP half an hour of satisfaction after dealing with years of his shit while he rowed merrily off into the sunset. Doesnt mean she's still at the height of anger, it could be more a little 'hah, got u' that might bring her a bit of closure. People encourage others to take the high road, and I get it, but we are all different and quite often the 'high road' only serves to reduce the discomfort that the wrongdoing party feels, and makes the wronged party feel worse for things not being out in the open. Sometimes its not that you arent okay to start with now, its that doing something like this can give you a bit of peace/joy for your past self who had to sit back and take the bullshit while the other person rowed off into the sunset. Everyone's different!

Original poster
hazelowens · 14/12/2025 15:09

Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:03

The op is considering “saying something”

12 years after the event

I mean… he’s still with the woman he left the op for, so I’m guessing he wouldn’t take a blind bit of notice of the op pointing out this discrepancy in any shape or form. He’s on his honeymoon presumably and not giving any thought to what happened over a decade ago I would guess 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

I wanted to say something to my ex about what was said in the speech. My children knew their father left late 2014 but to hear from a stranger that it actually started in 2013 is a bit nasty in my opinion.

OP posts:
Floorclean · 14/12/2025 15:03

Thundertoast · 14/12/2025 14:58

Im not getting any of what you say from OPs posts, I see her reflecting on the hurt he caused at the time, and noting that he remains an idiot to this day. Can you quote which part of OPs posts you are getting the 'fury and bitterness of someone who found out last week.' from? Have I missed a post thats been deleted or something?

Show quote history

The op is considering “saying something”

12 years after the event

I mean… he’s still with the woman he left the op for, so I’m guessing he wouldn’t take a blind bit of notice of the op pointing out this discrepancy in any shape or form. He’s on his honeymoon presumably and not giving any thought to what happened over a decade ago I would guess 🤷‍♀️

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