To accept this much from ex or is it fair enough?

Why does it matter what your friend thinks? If you and him are happy with the arrangement then that's all that matters

@DownThePubWithStevieNicks

no he pays 1250 a month for daughters upkeep. Being effectively a full time single parent doesn’t absolve OP of financially supporting her DD as well and she’s openly admitted that it more than fully covers her child costs.

its really very churlish to throw things like heating /power costs around. Its not £500 more a month to have 1 extra person in the house.

it would be interesting to know if OP gets any state benefits for help with being a single parent as that would also affect how much “extra” or not she’s getting.

I think OP is very lucky to have a father for her DD that is financially supportive but I’m sure she’d rather have a father for her DD that is more present.

I would also encourage OP to be saving significantly more if she can towards her daughter’s future - perhaps an equal contribution from both her and dad

The only thing I’d change is I would not tell anyone how much he pays. Never discuss finances.

CMS is the absolute minimum and a decent parent would be happy to pay more. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your accepting this money.

So you pay for childcare, activities, clothes and shoes, food, housing, energy? And he pays nothing beyond the money he gives you, as well as having next to no need to arrange work and social life around his child?

Don’t feel bad for a second.

He is obviously capable of checking the cms calculations too if he really wanted to.
he offered to pay money because he can’t be bothered parenting. I wouldn’t feel bad. If he had her full time he would be spending more than that anyway.

He's paying to make his childcare responsibilities disappear, guilt-free. He's getting a good deal for that, I pay my babysitter £20 per hour.

He'd obviously rather pay you more than pitch in and do his fair share of actual parenting so I wouldn't feel bad at all. You're the one juggling work and having a child so yes you should be able to get a takeaway or whatever you want!

Can you manage on less? If you CAN, then I'd suggest putting any extra aside for a rainy day/ when he decides he's overpaying/ when your daughter is older. I have no problem with him giving you more than the CMS dictates as the minimum, but remember that the money is for your daughter, not for "you".

Of course it’s reasonable. CMS isn’t anywhere near the costs / eg nursery in London is £2000 a month. It’s money for his child and fair enough.

He offered Op more money to absolve himself of any of the day to day parenting and she took it. What's unreasonable about that?

In that case you are being unreasonable. Very.

Is it less than she spends do you think? On housing costs heating costs food activities clothes Transport ect? Why shouldn't father's pay for their children? CMS isnt enough to do anything anyway it's no where near what they cost and he contributes absaloutey nothing else and the state would quite likely have pick up the tab if he didn't. The trouble here is people are used to men being failures.

• Netmums (2025): The 0-4 stage costs £166,966, averaging over £41,700 annually, highlighting nursery as the main expense.

If he’s paying £500 more than what the CMS says then I think that’s a bit different than him paying what he should. That’s quite a lot more.

He is paying for his child AS HE SHOULD

It shouldn’t be a race to the bottom. You have a bigger home as a result of your shared child, you buy clothes - I’m guessing you pay for the dance class? As she gets bigger and starts school (unless she has?) there will be holiday childcare. What you have is what you should have. And yes, of course he’s likely to have had a pay rise. For all you know he’s got that figure from the CMS calculator himself.

Paying fuck all for your children as a non-resident Dad has become utterly socially normalised. Don’t feel guilty. But also, don’t share the figure again.

You house her, clothe her, feed her, keep her warm … the cms calculation is only a fraction of half of the real cost of raising a child. Plus your earning potential takes a hit.

Your friend just hasn’t done the sums.

Your daughter costs a lot more than just her Nursery fees! You use power to keep her warm, clean and well-fed you feed and clothe her, transport and entertain her, all of which adds up. Ex can obviously afford to pay and prefers that to spending more time with his daughter. Let him pay.

Don’t feel bad. How much would he be spending on her (as in her home, her holidays, the car she rides in every day) if you were together? Why shouldn’t still pay that, and more as he is contributing minimal time and effort! He’s probably still saving money and not having to do any effort either.

Why would you feel guilty. Use the money to make your and your daughter's life better. As her main carer your wellbeing matters too
And stop telling people how much as it's absolutely none of their business.

So he pays £1,250 pcm for a 24/7 nanny service and zero other costs. Sounds like a bargain to me!

It depends on his income really, if he is broke as a result then it’s not fair but that doesn’t sound like it’s the case? Presumably that’s in line with his income.

Just because us single mums in general are used to getting fuck all from the dads that doesn’t mean that’s all we should expect. Presumably he’s on a decent salary so he can afford it then it’s fair enough.

FWIW I get no maintenance at all, for 2 kids.

But I agree to save some of the money and not rely on it.

I would have absolutely no guilt qualms issues nada zilch... he's getting off lightly, parenting is hard, he's effectively paying so he doesn't have to do it

I'd be putting an amount away if possible. As said things can change, more children come along etc and older children are expensive. The CM is minimal, if he can afford it, he should be paying it.