Husband sharing pics when I have asked him not to

Images of you belong to you and shouldn’t be shared with others without your consent.

Actually, images belong to the photographer.

Legally, the owner of a photo is the person who took it.

privacy restrictions introduced in the U.K. mean that photographers should have consent to take a photo in a situation which is expected to be private,

you do not own your image. Nor does the photographer legally have to get your consent to use it.

in the context of a marriage obviously the situation is somewhat different. You seem to have quite specific information issues with your appearance. You have therefore asked your dh not to use photos of you.

legally you have no right to do this - he doesn’t need your consent to use them at all.

but because he cares for you he’s listening to what you say (mostly).

using a family picture on a moonpig card is something the vast, vast majority of people would see as completely normal and in fact a rather lovely thing to do.

you don’t. Because of your self esteem issues around your appearance.

so in your shoes I’d be saying to him that you find it very difficult and please could he not do this.

Yanbu.

It doesn't matter what it is or how trivial other people find it, your OH knows this is something that bothers you. He is being an arsehole.

I would set another, very clear boundary. Pictures of you are not to be shared full stop.

I have a friend. If they look good, the picture gets posted to social media. It started with them calling for a selfie and snapping a pic before anyone else was ready. It doesn't matter what other people look like. I mentioned a few times that it bothered me, so did others. I told them to stop or I would do the same. I don't get in on their pics now and offer to take them. They are lovely in other respects, I don't get it.

He understands what you're asking; you've been completely clear and he has managed to cooperate on several occasions in the past (not always). It also sounds like when you asked about the Moonpig card, he immediately knew what your objection was and explained why he ignored your wishes.

He almost certainly doesn't understand WHY you need to approve which images of you he publishes, but he knows it's very important to you and the two of you have worked out a reasonable way to compromise on it. But sometimes he skips that step. Why? Probably because it's a hassle for him, and his immediate wants (just send Mum a pic quickly without spending time discussing it with Wandavision) are more important to him than your comfort in these specific cases.

If you're absolutely sure he understands the distress this causes you (again, he doesn't have to understand WHY it upsets you, just accept that it does and feel he doesn't want to cause you unnecessary pain) then all I can think of to do is make it more uncomfortable for him to send without checking than to check - as you did in the case of the group chat. (I will add, though - without having the full context, it seems odd that he TOLD you he sent a card with a photo to his mum. Depending on how it came up and what exactly he said, I might wonder if he is actually TRYING to hurt you.)

You're being very OTT. It's a photo. It's not important.

Your husband sounds like a pain in the arse. I couldn't be bothered with this. Why the hell does he have to send cards with photos on? Just send a normal card. It is almost as if he enjoys testing your boundaries. I would continue to state the boundary publicly every single time since that seems to be the only thing that works. If he still does it then choose a boundary of his and cross that every single time and see how he likes it. You are being too passive about this.

@Wandavision2025

He's being a twat. Humans in loving relationships should respect each other, and he's not respecting you.

For now, simply stop being in the photos.

It needs a proper conversation about respect and boundaries. But he may not listen.

There is no point engaging with rude posters.

Exactly this.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

@Wandavision2025 You are being OTT in insisting you get to scrutinise every photo just to metaphorically airbrush out flaws that I guarantee that only you are perceiving. No one else actually gives a single fuck about how you look.

It’s irrelevant if it’s about photos or switching the kettle off. It bothers you and you have asked him not to do it but he continues to. It’s disrespectful.
I have a ‘D’H and he similarly disrespects my wishes too.

I never understand why people pose in photographs and then kickoff when they are displayed on social media or sent to others.
step out of photos being taken if you don’t want to be seen in them!

OP, you are so self absorbed. No one fucking cares what you look like except you.

Try unclenching

Actually the person who takes the photo owns it and can decide what to do with it. So it is his call if he was the photographer. Totally different to the tea video.

With the greatest of respect, how you look is the least important part of you - and you’re the only person in the world who gives it more than a moments thought. People are not being “reminded of your flaws” when they see a picture of you, they’re seeing a picture of someone they love having a good time - they’re not thinking “look how ugly she is” - or they wouldn’t be displaying that photo to see regularly.

I’m pretty judgy/critical/mean and the amount of times I’ve ever thought “that’s a fugly photo” is vanishingly rare. In fact, I’ve never thought it when someone is displaying a photo of someone else, it’s only ever briefly crossed my mind when it’s a photo that the person in it has chosen to display, and it’s usually because there’s so many nicer photos of that person and it’s odd they chose that specific one.

One day photos are all your children and family will have left of you - they won’t be poring over them looking at your flaws, they’ll be remembering the happy times that they show.

If I felt this disproportionately strongly about something so trivial, the point it was affecting my wellbeing and relationships, I’d be seeking help in therapy.

Honestly, I think you need to chill.

And I say this from a place of also being a woman with no looks to speak of!

You sound incredibly hung up on your appearance, yet presumably you are going out into the world, walking the streets, and showing people your face on a daily basis?

Is that about sex? What are these pictures pornographic

Hes not raping her FFS, comparing the two is ridiculous.

It is not his call.

Do you need to rewatch the tea consent video?

No, he should double check, you've asked a few times already, he's not respecting you. Sorry, he's being a moron! When I used to be on facebook, I always checked with OH before I posted. It's respect innit.

And I doubt you are fugly, lol, but you're not being unreasonable to want the best photo's of you out there/.

OP I 100% have the same issue with my DH, he thinks I look lovely and shares photos, I’ve asked numerous times can he not. And then on holiday he took a pic of me, shared it one of our friend groups and basically ruined a sunset boat cruise as I was bloody livid. For me it’s not so much about the photos as like you sometimes I don’t mind them, it’s about the lack of respect when I’ve had to repeatedly say “no” and his excuse is but you look nice. I know it seems so petty, but just wanted to say I understand and can empathize with you.

The photo he shared to the group I was in swimwear and he shared to a mixed friend group with a few other pics but I didn’t say I was ok with this at all.

Whilst I appreciate its not about the photos, and he should follow your wishes - just pitching in with, maybe he thinks you look beautiful in every photo, and wants to share his happy life with a few people. You think you look awful, it doesn’t me you do look awful, he loves you, and maybe sees you through a lens that you should try looking through.

YANBU, it’s not about the photos, it’s about him knowing you don’t like it and then choosing to do it anyway.

He might find it irritating but it’s not that hard for him to remember and ask you, given how big a deal you have made about it. He should respect your wishes here, however annoying he finds it.

This, if they live in another country and you never see them, how will you see the card?

I hate it too and always stick two fingers up.