Husband sharing pics when I have asked him not to

First, she didn’t strike me as having particularly low self-esteem. Being a bit insecure about appearance is very common. She actually said she does like some photos, just not all.

Secondly, how is objecting to having her unflattering photos shared “affecting her everyday life”? What’s affecting her life is her DH not respecting her clearly stated wish for him not to share photos without checking first.

She doesn’t need therapy, she needs a partner who actually listens.

How self absorbed are you that you think everyone is looking out for your flaws? 🤦🏻‍♀️

it is literally about him checking with her which photos he posts.

I hate photos of me, my DH knows that and doesn't post photos without first checking that it's ok. OP is fine to object, she has literally said she is ok if he posts photos as long as he gets her ok

In the grand scheme of things then yes he should accept your wishes, but I think you need to remember that nobody else is analysing how you look in a photo like you are. I’m part of a group of friends who like to take photos on special occasions and post them on instagram and the drama of finding one that everyone thinks they look good in is ridiculous at times. I just say yes to make life easier, regardless of what I think I look like, because I realise that ultimately nobody else notices or cares. I’ve shared a holiday picture (with family) myself today that I don’t much like but it’s the only one in which everyone is smiling so that’s the one.

You sound quite self obsessed. Do you find you have a tendency to centre yourself into every situation/ other people’s motivations?

No, because her self esteem is so low it’s affecting her day to day life.

Does he just think you look lovely in all photos, even if you don't see it?
I think it's just mean of him though to not see how upsetting this is for you.
Could you preempt him by sending him photos you are happy to have shared?

She should seek therapy? Because she’s one of the countless millions of people who don’t particularly like seeing an ugly unflattering photo of themselves shared all over the internet without their consent?

Those therapists are going to be in the money for sure.

I’m 100 per cent with you on this OP. You have told him and told him you want to see the photos before he shares them. It’s really not that hard for him to understand.

I have this agreement with my DH and he sticks to it, as I do with photos of him. Whether you like a pic of yourself is a very personal thing - people can’t just say ‘oh I thought it was a nice photo so I thought it was ok to share’.

Sharing photos of other people without their consent is an invasion of privacy.

I’m still relatively new to Mumsnet and trying to understand the definition of ‘boundaries’ as they seem to mean different things to different people.

‘Please don’t do that, I don’t like it.’ is OK as a boundary if it’s any type of sexual activity but not to post photos and the person needs to get a grip and get therapy.

Confused. 🤔

Totally agree OP.

I don't even have pictures taken, have refused for years now.

I hate too, OP. Fortunately, myself and my husband don't use social media.
Your post made me quite angry - the only way to be sure 😁 it doesn't happen is to eventually live on your own. Full stop.

The challenge here is that your preoccupation and level of control over photos is pretty extreme and may indicate deeper issues and it’s starting to impact on your husband.

There was a thread on here a while ago about a person who would only eat certain foods because of a traumatic experience - the husband was increasingly frustrated because it was impacting on how he wanted to live his life. The general consensus was that the OP was being unreasonable to continue to ‘give in’ (my words) to her anxieties, knowing how it constricted her husband’s life.

This feels like a similar situation but in this case the husband every so often, overrides his wife’s wishes. It’s not ideal but it is understandable, you’ve reminded him of your preference again but maybe in the meantime OP you could try and understand his perspective and get some CBT for your own reactions to photos.

This is clearly something that is very important to you, and he just doesn’t ‘get’ it. I don’t think he’s being mean, I think he just doesn’t understand the strength of your feelings.

In your shoes, I’d make the message clearer and instead of saying ‘don’t share photos without asking me first’, just ban any photo sharing (of you) whatsoever. Tell him it’s a boundary you are serious about, and he mustn’t show or share ANY photos of you whatsoever. Then he’ll be forced to talk to you on the rare occasion he does want to share one.

Good luck! x

When he apologises does he ever say you're beautiful and he wants to share lovely family photos, you do sound a bit controlling but he needs to respect that you don't like it, maybe work on your self esteem, everyone can look fugly in photos.

Smashing comparison 👌

Consent is consent. That is why we teach it to VERY young children.

He should’ve respected your request, but with all the love, you seem really uptight and would get on my wick

Personal consent does only apply to some things and can sometimes be over-ridden.

eg generally workmen need consent to enter your house but if the gas company suspect a gas leak and immediate danger of houses blowing up they can force entry whether you like it or not.

Nice theory, but his mum posted it on FB so the OP has already saw it.

Her consent with her photo being taken is conditional - she agrees with taking a few photos in some situation under the condition she can subsequently select which one will be kept for sharing.

Your DH just wants to share a nice family photo with his mum who lives abroad - I don't think he's deliberately trying to upset you, though I appreciate it doesn't feel that way to you.

It's a bloody odd thread where PPs think personal consent only applies to certain things and this particular boundary that OP has should just be ignored because they don't have the same boundary. WTF's the matter with you all?

Your have no pics to look back on.
I know someone that was like this and she now looks back with regret, she had style, she was a punk then a goth.

But always told people no photos etc if she didnt like the pics she would bin them.

Now in her 70s she says she wishes she had photos to show her kids and her grandchildren.
But there's nothing to show.

I agreed with you up it’s a card. It’s a card to his mum. It will be uk for a few days, then get binned it out away. You’ll never see it.

I mean this as nice as possible, you really should seek therapy. This is clearly a massive issue for you and it’s really not a big deal.