Husband almost dropped baby whilst drunk

I am so sorry - sadly your man is not father material and you have some real challenges ahead to extricate yourself from this situation - but this is what you MUST do.

You said in your original post that he's not the sort to have one or two, but now you're saying he drinks 3-5 times a week?

Am sorry, no escaping it, is has a big problem with booze. Really am sorry for you all.

Then it may be a bigger problem. I got the impression from your OP that he only drinks when he is out, but that he drinks most nights suggests that there is more to this.

Sounds like this may not be salvagable if his response is you are over reacting, because that means that "quit or we leave" will lead to him hiding it instead. He clearly doesnt want to stop drinking or face any consequences for doing so.

I would stay with your mum for a while and contact Al Anon for some support and advice about how you move forward. I really do understand that you are not ready to throw in the towel yet, but that doesnt mean it needs to be consequence free for him. The simple fact that you have left for a while will show that this is far more serious than he is willing to admit and may be enough to slap some sense into him. That you are seeking outside support, will drive the fact home.

3 - 5 times a week? Seriously? That's very, very worrying (and I speak as someone who married a rugby player who held the record at his club for downing the fastest yard of ale, ever).

DH'S grandmother lost her first baby girl (9 months) when she fell down the stairs whilst carrying her, and yes she had been drinking.

please say he doesnt drive when he is drinking?

Your husband has a major alcohol problem, but you know that. He is a married man and father, it is well past time for him to grow up and act his age. You are endangering your defenceless little baby by staying in the same house as this alcoholic.

Drunk 3-4 times in 4 months is insanity. Normal for a 20/21 year old, but not a parent.

Totally untrue. There would be no evidence for a court to stop him having unsupervised access, and this would likely be built up from 6m even if the op is bf

He is an alcoholic.

He can get sober - I have a couple of friends who have done it and they have now been sober for 15 years apiece - but it is a journey and you must keep yourself and your baby safe in the meantime

What happened with your ex after you left? Did he quit? Does he see the kids?

Not sure what you can do you knew he was an alcoholic when you had a child with him so now the child will have an alcoholic as a father, he will need to want to help himself he doesn't care about your child, yes you shoulf leave but then an alcoholic will have access to a child

But before social services gets involved sort out a plan to keep your child safe, someone has too

I would think carefully about leaving at this point, without any evidence of his behaviour. He would likely get anything up to 50/50 custody, you might decide the risks are less staying together for the time being

So she should stay and put up with this?

He wouldnt be in sole charge of the baby anyway in the first two years if the OP is BF, and even then its unlikely. He would visit the baby in the former home rather than baby being removed from OP for contact time.

When the child is older and he has sole care EOW (say) then he wont be able to go out and get drunk (which is when the OP says this happens) when the child is there.

So he has been utterly smashed 4 times at least in 2 months, when you have just a 4 month old baby? This isn't good. Not only that he is getting blind drunk so much, but because he's leaving you to cope with a newborn on your own.

It took me a long time to realise the extent of my ex's alcohol problems. For various reasons they were very good at hiding it. The breaking point for me was, after an absolutely horrific Christmas and subsequently repeated - and repeatedly broken - promises that things would get better, I realised that everything that was most important to me was a sham. Our relationship was a sick joke, lurching from alcohol-induced crisis to patching up the debris and ending up waiting for the next alcohol-induced crisis. Our children were being affected every day by the tension and the uncertainty. The stress was literally making me ill.

That was when I finally saw the truth in the (annoyingly trite) statement "Nothing changes if nothing changes." If I wanted things to change I could not rely on my ex to be the agent for that change. It had to come from me. So I gave one more (futile) ultimatum and after yet another round of being lied to about their drinking, I ended the relationship.

It wasn't exactly plain sailing from that point on but it was better. Our home became a place of calm and safety. My children came out of the shells I didn't even realise they were hiding in. There was a lot more laughter and fun. If I could change the past then I'd have left a lot sooner.

I'd be concerned about him being in sole charge of baby if they split up though.

This is happening tonight, so what is the situation? Is he planning on sleeping on the couch or in a spare room, or does he intend to come to bed with you? Will he get angry when he realises the door is locked and are you ready to call the police if needed?

There is a big difference between an alcoholic and a binge drinker.

The former is reliant on alcohol to function, the latter cant function with alcohol inside them, he sounds like the latter. Some people are both, but he doesnt sound like that as the OP doesnt indicate that he drinks at other times.

For me it’s not that he almost dropped the baby, it’s the fact he was then refusing to give the baby to you

Yes, that's shocking.

Yes.
OP wise up and end your marriage.
This is going to get worse and worse.

How often does he drink?

Once a week? Once a month? A few times a year?

It really does depend on his intake. If he gets blasted on a few it would suggest that he doesnt actually drink much so his tolerance is low. Which in turn suggests that he isnt actually reliant on alcohol.

So thats where the ulitamtum comes in. No drinking AT ALL or its over. Not a drop as he doesnt have an off switch and simply cant handle it. Then the choice is his. Live sober and be a decent parent or put his own wants and failings first.

But be prepared to see it through. My concern is that based on your last post, you wont. Would you be able to stay with your mum for a few days, explaining that you need to think about things after he did it AGAIN and left you so scared for your baby and yourself that you need to be away from him for a while. That right now you do not feel safe with him.

He needs consequences that show the seriousness of his actions, that you are not over reacting, he is under reacting.

I would be off.

My DH was terrible for getting drunk pre kids but changed a lot since having them. Don’t get me wrong, every so often he will still have too much but always on a special occasion rather than every time he has a drink or two, and he always makes plans to be out the way so his drunkenness doesn’t impact me and the kids. If he ever, ever did that I’d be off.

For me it’s not that he almost dropped the baby, it’s the fact he was then refusing to give the baby to you.

If he’d have been tipsy and stumbled with the baby that’s one thing (tbh though definitely not ok with a baby that young) but to be so drunk he couldn’t see he was in the wrong and wouldn’t give you the baby is really really worrying.

It’s not especially the getting drunk (although if it’s frequent and he can’t control it then that’s obviously a problem in itself) but the coming home drunk and picking up the baby. I went out a couple of times when DS was small and got what could definitely be described as drunk, but I’d not have dreamed of picking him up when I got home. I was out / drinking so DH was ‘on duty’ and short of DH unexpectedly dropping dead I had no involvement until I’d sobered up. If your ‘D’H won’t stop this random picking up the baby when he’s had a drink then you must leave NOW. I’m sorry.

Oh goodness I’m sorry this sounds really distressing OP. Your little baby is so incredibly young I would expect him to be able to limit his alcohol intake in the short term for the sake of his family. If he really is the love of your life then you need to read him the riot act and make it clear he needs to stop drinking and/or absolutely limit himself to one drink and done for the sake of your marriage and the sake of your little one. If he cannot do this then I really would move out and stay with your parents for a bit and let him fee the consequences of his actions.