Husband almost dropped baby whilst drunk

OP if he tries to get into your room tonight you must ring the police. Spending 1k a month on booze means he has a serious problem and his behaviour will only escalate.

Your first job as a parent is to keep your child safe.
if your husband can’t/wont acknowledge he could cause your child major harm when he is drinking then he should stay away when he’s in drink for you and your child’s sake.Keep a diary of when he’s drunk,when you try to reason with him as when he harms your child you can show this to social services safeguarding tem,because. When you take your child to a and e they will call the safeguarding team.
your child’s may go to foster children as he caused harm and you failed to protect.

A father who endangers his baby and can't or won't get a hold of his drinking is a bad one.

He's a bloody liability and it's your responsibility to keep your daughter safe. And injury to her head could kill her or disable her for life. Simply splitting up with him is not going to be the same option as it might be for other people because she shouldn't be in his care if he has a drinking problem. You need legal advice.

OP, this sounds almost identical to DH 21 years ago w/ DDs.

I wanted to leave, tho I loved him and he was lovely 99% of the time, like yours.

But then I talked to a lawyer (I'm in the US, so laws may differ) and lawyer started talking custody, I was made to realize that my DH would most likely have shared or at least partial custody which would mean I wouldn't be there to protect DDs. He hadn't done anything I could show with proof that would mean he couldn't have custody. I had to literally wait for something really bad to happen to the children. An oops almost dropping the baby wouldn't count.

We're still married, he's still a high-functioning alcoholic, and I somehow kept my DDs alive (there were times we spent at my DPs, times I locked the room as I always co-slept with DDs and he slept in other room), but it's been a massive strain on me. He knows deep down he was a danger when drunk, but he's usually in denial of it.

I have plans to warn my DDs and their DHs when they have children to never leave them alone w/ DH when he's drinking.

Looking back, it's so sad. I tried for years to get him to try to quit, but alcoholics are selfish bastards in deep denial. When sober, he's the best human. It took me years of Al-Anon meetings to realize I couldn't make him stop. It also made me at peace knowing that staying meant I had control over my DDs safety even though it ruined my life in many ways: social, career, financial and freedom.

"Alcoholic" is a dated term but anyone who cannot regulate their drinking to the point it causes problems in their day to day life, whether they drink daily, weekly or once in a blue moon is an alcoholic

Your DH has a drink problem

His behaviour is really not acceptable and I would leave. Phone your mum, get her to come pick you and the baby up.

My DH used to have a drink every Friday/Saturday before we had a baby. He's 8 months old now, and my DH has had one night of drinking (away with a friend).
I said to him from the start that baby and me are relying on him incase something happens. I need him sober to be able to look after us both. Maybe when our baby is older it might change, but my DH is the type who cannot have 1 drink, it has to be 6 beers etc, and no way am I letting him anywhere near me or the baby if he's like that.

My exh was a dangerous alcoholic, he did similar and worse., it took him loosing our little boy at an Xmas narket, and smashing the kitchen up drunk, for me to leave,,
Don't wait. Call womens aid.
Get away. He has already found his first love, its the bottle.

You're an absolute mug for staying with him. The guilt will really get you if he does something tragic while intoxicated.
I sincerely hope you are not financially dependent on this drunk.

Call the police next time. That should give him a reality check pretty quickly.

There’s a common misconception that having an alcohol problem/being an alcoholic means someone is pissed all the time.

This isn’t the case.

Not being able to control how much you drink on a regular basis or in specific situations that have (or have the potential to have) very negative repercussions to yourself or others still means someone has a serious problem with alcohol.

What you are describing OP is often referred to as a functioning alcoholic. Someone who can manage their intake just enough to paper over the cracks and pretend there isn’t a issue because they hold down a job, relationship etc and most of the time their drinking doesn’t come with negative consequences.

But these are often some of the most dangerous presentations because when issues arise they sometimes can’t be predicted and are often very serious precisely because the people around them mentally “see” and respond the person in their best light and not their worst and don’t put in the safeguards or have the appropriate reactions they would if they reflected that these two presentations are actually still the same person.

As a pp aptly described above you need to reframe this. He is not a good dad most of the time. He is a man who consistently fails to make good parenting choices and puts his child at risk.

Anyone with any decency after the episode with the baby should have been sufficiently mortified to get support around their alcohol consumption and not put their family in that position again.

Yet his solution is booking hotels or as like tonight expecting his partner to safeguard his child against him.

He needs a massive wake up call and that starts with you stopping covering up for him - so well done telling your mum - and setting some very firm boundaries tomorrow when he sobers up.

He quits drinking and gets support or you leave.

Holy shit OP!!

£1k a month!

He's and alky!

The more you are posting and revealing, the scarier it gets.

He's nearly dropped the baby who you had to coax from him. He drinks 3-5 times a week, he spends one thousand pound a MONTH on booze and you are unsure whether that was normal or not.

I also think you need to leave him. This is no life for your child and will not be a happy home for them to grow up in.

He's got a massive drink problem and should not be around your baby.

Any decent father would have been mortified after the first incident. This sorry excuse for a dad has repeated his behaviour. He is putting his need for alcohol before his own child's safety.
Your baby deserves better than this.

He is very much an alcoholic

Please know that there are other ways of living and this does sound like you are surrounded by a lot of alcohol dependency.

having a newborn in the house needs everyone focused on care of that tiny baby and you need to work as a team

Good grief, he’s not a good dad. He’s a lousy one. What the f were you thinking having a baby with him? Sorry OP, but you need to consider what’s best for you and the baby now.

Can’t believe he wouldn’t hand the baby back to you after he fell!

@fireflies9 As a household can you afford for him to spend £1k pm on booze? (Never mind what other useful, meaningful things it could be spent on!)

He's a chronic binge-alcoholic and if you told this story to a social worker, I'd imagine your baby would be put on a high-risk register. For Christ's sake leave or tell him to leave.

Good grief. He is literally pissing away (when he isn't throwing up) £12K+ per year out of taxed income. Just think how that would help your child in future if he was putting it away in a savings account for her.

Your baby has 2 parents one is drunk and putting her in serious danger (she literally could have died if he landed on her) therefore the other parent needs to safeguard their child you are failing your baby and putting her in danger if you have her around this man once he’s been drinking.
it’s your job to protect her at all costs.
she’s 4 months old if you had a social worker involved in this situation they would remove her from your care as your putting or letting her be in danger. Sorry to be blunt but unfortunately you don’t sound like you have your priorities straight. This man should be taking care of his wife and newborn right now she’s tiny not out drinking like this what a joke.

@fireflies9 The next time he comes home "blind drunk" OP could you video him on your phone? It would be very hard for him to deny he has a problem if you have evidence of his drunken behaviour. And if he continues to gas-light you, you could share the evidence with your and his families.

that's an awful lot of work dos, are they monthly ?

How much is he spending on all this drink? It must be a pretty hefty proportion of the household income. He really needs to talk to a doctor about whether there is counselling or treatment he can get for his total lack of impulse control around alcohol.

OP that is a lot of drinking imo. Has he been drinking that much since your daughter was born? How many drinks is a few?

do you stay completely sober to care for her?