Husband almost dropped baby whilst drunk

That part of your message that says 'I don’t think he’s an alcoholic' is the one that resonates. There are many types of alcoholics and your DH falls into the category of a person who shouldn't drink ever, no matter how much of an 'amazing' dad he is when dry.

This is a denial in alcoholism thing, and it's well documented. Just do a basic search.

There are tons of places to go to for help with this and in my experience staffed by good people who will help.

If he faces reality, this can be salvaged.

*eggshells every time he drinks!

‘He functions well in the daytime’ = functioning alcoholic.

this is so much more than he almost dropped the baby. He scared you and refused to hand your baby over to you as well.

i had an alcoholic father and he terrified me at times.
You and your little one can do so much better without this , you are going to be on eggshells every time you drink and then your child will very soon learn to be on eggshells every time daddy drinks, it’s no way to live.
find an al anon group for families and loved ones of alcoholics , get some support for yourself and start planning your future x

I have been in the exact same position, although he did drop the baby at only a few months old. Luckily I was close enough to catch dc so there were no injuries caused. As much as I would have liked to have caused injuries to him at the time! We are still together primarily because I love him, but also because I wouldn't trust him not to drink around the children if we were to separate and he was spending time with them. When he's not drinking he's an amazing parent, it's just that the drinking days outweigh the non drinking ones at the moment and I seem to be the only person around him that sees it as a problem.

How much is he drinking to spend £1000 a month !!

This is a horrible situation. But alcoholics and yes, I think your husband is an alcoholic, don't stop drinking because their family remonstrate with them. If that were true there would be very few alcoholics. Quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if you father in law was also an alcoholic and there is a genetic component.

Genetics is not everything of course. My father was so scarred by his father's drinking that he was nearly tee total and never drank whiskey like his father and my father's influence meant that drunks frighten me. One of my sons never drinks ever and the other might from time to time, have wine with dinner.

Refardless of all that, the baby's safety is paramount and you must get out or convince him to leave when he is sober. Babies are fragile and he might be very sorry if he fractures her skull or kills her but that won't undo the danage. I am not a mumsnet pearl clutcher who thinks alcohol is only acceptable at Christmas and birtdays but this is not a normal drinking pattern.

He would have dropped her had the wall not caught his fall. And he couldn’t or wouldn’t see it and give her back.

I really feel for you and you’re doing 100% the right thing to question him on this but you need to protect your baby from this man!

He doesn't sound like a good father or a good husband. Sorry.

If the worst was to happen, the police would investigate. They would see this post and know that you left your baby in harms way. Not only would baby be injured or worse but you’d be dragged down with him.

Leave. You both deserve better.

He is an alcoholic. He is not a good father or husband. A good father and husband would not get blind drunk and almost harm their child. A good husband would not get blind drunk and make his wife so scared she locks herself in her room. A good husband and father would not piss away that much money a month on alcohol. He is not a good husband or father.

The compromise is not that he only drink when away from home or stop for awhile. There are no compromises here. He is a risk to you and your child. The only way to salvage your marriage is for him to stop drinking period. You are burying your head in sand not seeing he is an alcoholic and a danger your child. Do what is right for your baby and protect her from him and this abuse. You need to leave to keep her safe.

‘Can’t stop drinking once he starts’

The answer then is not to drink at all because that is problem drinking.

If he can’t commit to this he needs help (if willing to look for it and work on it). In the meantime you should not enable him.

As others have said, drinking 3-5 times a week is definitely not normal. Many alcoholics don't have to be completely off their faces and falling over. The fact they drink so regularly raises their alcohol threshold so they may appear only slightly tipsy whereas the average person would be paralytic.

I used to be friends with an alcoholic. Their marriage is a train wreck and their kids are mentally scarred from witnessing their parent drinking excessively. It is not fun for a child growing up with an alcoholic parent.

You need to give your DH an ultimatum. He either gives up the booze or you'll leave. Your child deserves so much better.

Alcoholism doesn't necessarily mean drinking every day. It means continuing to drink despite the fact that alcohol is causing you problems, and your husband does fit the criteria. Calling you "dramatic" for pointing out the problem is classic addict behaviour I'm afraid.

You could find somewhere else to stay and make it clear that you're not living together again until he has stopped drinking and is attending AA or another kind of treatment. But do think about how long you are willing to wait for him to stop drinking, because it could take months or years, and do you really want to put yours and your child's life on hold for that long?

You might find it helpful looking at Al-Anon, which is a support service for the family and friends of alcoholics. They have a helpline, groups, online resources etc.

This is 2025 - there is women’s aid, the police and people do have options
dont waste time posting on here pack your bags and get ready to go!

I mean is this level of drinking always been a thing? I’m guessing it’s not just started since the baby came?
so why marry someone like that and why have a baby with someone like that too???

think about yourself and your baby and get rid of this awful man NOW leave tonight to a hotel and sort this out in the morning it’s a dangerous situation.

I voted yabu because I believe yabu to even be questioning this

This is shocking

OMG op, this really freaked me out reading this. You need to protect your child and get her away from him. Please don’t wait, you are not over reacting here, he could cause a really tragic accident.

I’m trying to imagine you being told by a doctor or social worker that you must stop drinking for good, if you want to be a safe parent. You’d do it without a second thought, I should think. I would too, though I’d have sad moments because I do enjoy a drink. But obviously I would stop.

You may think ‘it’s different’ because he drinks so often and you don’t, but it’s not different. He could decide tomorrow to continue his social life in exactly the same way and drink zero alcohol beer or soft drinks. Admittedly if he kept up the number of drinks he’d still be spending nearly half the average take home wage in the pub, which is also a problem, but he could stop taking alcohol tomorrow, if he loved his daughter more than alcohol. But he doesn’t. He loves alcohol more, to the point that his solution to the problem was to continue to get drunk and to sleep elsewhere.

I wonder why you and your MIL barely ever drink. What have you both seen growing up?

He is an alcoholic. A work colleague of mine would drink similar amounts and really you would never think she was drunk as her tolerance got higher and higher until her body gave out. She was arrested for drink driving, lost her job and her home and family and eventually died.

I would think if his dad is a big drinker he is similar and maybe that is why your MIL is TT. Spending that amount on booze a month is indecent. How are your finances set up? I would be leaving with my baby if I were you. He is a liability and unless wealthy probably has debt all over the place funding his habit.

My first thought - put her crib in a cage and lock it!

He is an alcoholic and to spend that amount of money on alcohol has a far bigger alcohol problem than you realise. Please get out now. Your baby is not safe. I grew up with alcoholic father and although physically he never harmed me i never felt safe because he did dangerous things when he was drunk. I am in my 40s now and still remember that feeling well. Please leave him

He’s a prick and your daughter and you deserve better than living with a drunk

Record him and his behaviour when he’s drunk too.show him when he’s sober.And keep it.

Does this bring things home to you OP?

If you told a social worker, they would put your baby on an at-risk register. They may even take her off you, if you did not agree to separate from your husband until he stops drinking.

Some PPs mentioned about the risk of shared custody if you separate. With that in mind, maybe you should speak to your GP and also social services about this, so it's on record that he is a risk.