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Original poster

Husband almost dropped baby whilst drunk

165 replies

fireflies9 · 12/12/2025 20:49

I need some advice or maybe a reality check here. My husband has always been that person who can’t have just one or two and if he drinks at the pub he’ll end up drunk. I don’t think he’s an alcoholic and functions perfectly fine during the day and is an amazing father when sober.

We went on a trip to visit friends when my daughter was 2m and he ended up getting drunk at dinner. When we got back to the house he picked up the baby and tried to leave our room with her. I asked him to give her back and he refused. He then proceeded to trip over whilst holding the baby almost dropping her but the wall caught him and I begged him to hand her over. He wouldn’t give her back to me and I started crying at that point, scared. I finally managed to coax her off of him but this has stuck with me.

She’s now 4m and he’s been out for Xmas work do’s recently. He’s stayed in hotels when drunk since the incident but tonight came back home absolutely smashed from what was meant to be 1-2 drinks. I’m terrified he’s going to try and pick up the baby again whilst drunk and don’t trust him around her whenever he has a drink now.

When I speak to him he refuses to admit there’s a problem and says I’m being dramatic and that he can handle himself perfectly fine. He can’t! What do I do?

OP posts:
Zippedydodah · 13/12/2025 06:23

As for spending £1000+ a month on drink……

Zippedydodah · 13/12/2025 06:13

Moggies3 · 12/12/2025 20:57

Christ almighty
Just leave
Now
Then divorce the bastard as quick as you can

Dear god….you’re letting a man who’s so drunk he can’t stand up hold a four month old baby? I honestly can’t understand why you let him anywhere near her.
How long is it going to be before that poor baby is seriously injured or worse?

Liveafr · 13/12/2025 05:57

This is very concerning. As someone said, it's not about when your child is an infant, her will be a danger to her for many years. Beyond the immediate physical risk, there is the emotional trauma. My DH grew up with an alcoholic dad, which ruined his childhood.

Also few things to consider:

  • When he's that drunk, he's not able to help you out if something happened to you or your child. So if let's say, you sprained your ankle while you're in charge of your kid and he's drunk, he can't assist you and you'd have to fend for yourself
  • The amount of money he's spending on drink (and hotels when he's drunk) that could be spent on her future or family holidays
  • He regularly leaves you totally on charge of her, not allowing you equal time for yourself
  • He's putting his health in danger. He'll either have a serious accident or develop chronic diseases (like DH father who died of a mouth cancer while DH was a teenager), and you will be left to pick up the pieces
All those things mean he's not a good father and a good husband, even leaving aside the danger of him picking up your baby while drunk.
PinkyFlamingo · 13/12/2025 05:55

He won't change. Put your baby first over "the love of your life".

Misanthropologie · 13/12/2025 05:49

BeWiseTurtle · 12/12/2025 21:50

I would think carefully about leaving at this point, without any evidence of his behaviour. He would likely get anything up to 50/50 custody, you might decide the risks are less staying together for the time being

Oh come on, what are the chances of him wanting 50/50 or indeed any contact that might cut into his drinking time?

Lincolnlemons · 13/12/2025 05:02

BartholemewTheCat · 12/12/2025 21:22

And what if he’s never on the mend? What if he doesn’t improve, or have any intention of it?

OP said she would leave him if this were the case

NET145 · 13/12/2025 04:03

Ensure he never ever drinks around your child!!! Hotels every time

Morningsleepin · 13/12/2025 04:02

HowardTJMoon · 12/12/2025 21:03

functions perfectly fine during the day and is an amazing father when sober.

I'm not saying this to stick the boot in, I'm saying this because I've been where you've been and I absolutely understand where you're coming from. But you need to reframe the situation. "He's a great parent when he's not pissed out of his mind" is not a high enough bar. What it actually means is "sometimes he gets so drunk I can't trust him to be a good parent. But even though he knows he's a shitty parent when he's really drunk, he still goes out and gets that drunk."

At minimum, the bar should be at "I know that sometimes I drink a bit too much so when I thinks that is likely to happen I arrange, with prior notice to my wife, to stay somewhere else that night." More realistically, the bar should be at "I've got a really young baby at home so I'm not going to get so drunk that I can't be relied upon to make sensible decisions about her care. If, once I start drinking, I can't reliably control how much I drink then the obvious decision is to not drink at all."

Well said

Bromptotoo · 13/12/2025 03:56

There are those who have dropped their baby, or had it wriggle off a changing table, and those yet to do so.

Farticus101 · 13/12/2025 03:36

There might be some disagreement here, but I would tell your health visitor your concerns. They usually record them and would come over for a chat about safety (which should be to your husband). It might make him understand the seriousness of the situation.

If they call social services (or you do), then so be it. You will have flagged the issue to protect your child and raised concerns about your partner which might be the wake up call he needs. If it isn't and you split, raising a concern early on will be in your favour when discussing custody as it shows your child's safety is your priority (not his).

Rainallnight · 13/12/2025 02:57

OP, this isn’t just about when your baby is tiny.

It’s when she’s 5, wakes up in the night to see him like this and is terrified.

When she’s 9, has a friend around for a sleepover and is mortified by her dad’s behaviour. She never has anyone round again.

When she’s a teenager, trying to study for exams but enraged and disturbed by her pissed up father.

This is not a life you want for her.

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 02:52

Zenbra · 13/12/2025 00:00

I have been in the exact same position, although he did drop the baby at only a few months old. Luckily I was close enough to catch dc so there were no injuries caused. As much as I would have liked to have caused injuries to him at the time! We are still together primarily because I love him, but also because I wouldn't trust him not to drink around the children if we were to separate and he was spending time with them. When he's not drinking he's an amazing parent, it's just that the drinking days outweigh the non drinking ones at the moment and I seem to be the only person around him that sees it as a problem.

Poor kids.
They should be prioritised above any feeling you have for your "D" P.

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 02:44

Whats4dirndl · 12/12/2025 22:34

OP, this sounds almost identical to DH 21 years ago w/ DDs.

I wanted to leave, tho I loved him and he was lovely 99% of the time, like yours.

But then I talked to a lawyer (I'm in the US, so laws may differ) and lawyer started talking custody, I was made to realize that my DH would most likely have shared or at least partial custody which would mean I wouldn't be there to protect DDs. He hadn't done anything I could show with proof that would mean he couldn't have custody. I had to literally wait for something really bad to happen to the children. An oops almost dropping the baby wouldn't count.

We're still married, he's still a high-functioning alcoholic, and I somehow kept my DDs alive (there were times we spent at my DPs, times I locked the room as I always co-slept with DDs and he slept in other room), but it's been a massive strain on me. He knows deep down he was a danger when drunk, but he's usually in denial of it.

I have plans to warn my DDs and their DHs when they have children to never leave them alone w/ DH when he's drinking.

Looking back, it's so sad. I tried for years to get him to try to quit, but alcoholics are selfish bastards in deep denial. When sober, he's the best human. It took me years of Al-Anon meetings to realize I couldn't make him stop. It also made me at peace knowing that staying meant I had control over my DDs safety even though it ruined my life in many ways: social, career, financial and freedom.

Why are you still with him if your child is a grown adult?

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 02:40

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/12/2025 21:49

So she should stay and put up with this?

He wouldnt be in sole charge of the baby anyway in the first two years if the OP is BF, and even then its unlikely. He would visit the baby in the former home rather than baby being removed from OP for contact time.

When the child is older and he has sole care EOW (say) then he wont be able to go out and get drunk (which is when the OP says this happens) when the child is there.

Show quote history

Also incorrect.

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 02:39

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/12/2025 21:43

There is a big difference between an alcoholic and a binge drinker.

The former is reliant on alcohol to function, the latter cant function with alcohol inside them, he sounds like the latter. Some people are both, but he doesnt sound like that as the OP doesnt indicate that he drinks at other times.

Show quote history

Incorrect.

ktopfwcv · 13/12/2025 02:36

AngelicKaty · 12/12/2025 22:07

@fireflies9 The next time he comes home "blind drunk" OP could you video him on your phone? It would be very hard for him to deny he has a problem if you have evidence of his drunken behaviour. And if he continues to gas-light you, you could share the evidence with your and his families.

Don't do this, it will put you in even more danger.

Daygloboo · 13/12/2025 02:12

ktopfwcv · 12/12/2025 21:00

YABU simply for staying with a dangerous alcoholic who is a physical risk to your baby.

Absolutely this.

stormwatcher · 13/12/2025 02:03

This really resonates, OP, my husband started to become unpleasant after drinking after a couple of years-he also took a baby from my arms and refused to hand him back when he was pissed.It didn't stop there, more one-off incidents that were actually becoming a pattern, then domestic violence when I was pregnant.
We left, finally, but despite the carnage his alcohol fuelled aggression caused, he still chooses to drink.
I'm not saying our situations are similar, but I wish I had left as soon as it started.
My lovely son (the former baby) very matter of factly suggested last night that I should make sure any of his siblings going round to pop in to see their dad should always phone first-to avoid the horror of calling in on spec, and finding him dead on the floor.
Please phone the police if he starts.
Telling people seems unimaginable, but there is so much support once you do.You must make sure you are seen to be protecting your baby-if your husband doesn't make the decision to give up alcohol, permanently, then he is choosing it over you and his child, and putting you both at risk of harm.Flowers

Hedgehogbrown · 13/12/2025 02:02

When you have a new baby then you shouldn't even go on work does and benders as you are supposed to be providing support for your spouse. This is about his priorities also.

QuirkyMoose · 13/12/2025 01:32

He's admitted to spending about £1 k PER MONTH at the pubs where more times than not he gets completely blind drunk..
You also said that he drinks at home about 3 to 5 times a week (assuming those numbers are not included in the 1K?)
And three times in the last 8 weeks since your daughter's been born he's had to buy a hotel room to stay at because he was going to be so incredibly smashed drunk, he knew ahead of time and planned it...
And you don't think he has a problem with alcohol really?
But he's the love of your life and you're not willing to give up on this marriage?
Look, you married an alcoholic. Maybe he was able to hide it from you before you got married, you haven't been married all that long until you got pregnant and then, you were stuck and now you've got a tiny little baby and an alcoholic husband who is not safe around your fragile daughter

You're not being dramatic. If he tells you that, he's gaslighting you.
You know what that means right?
No. Listen to everybody here, listen to your mother, you've got to make plans to get out. He's not going to get himself sorted.
He doesn't think he has a problem.
He thinks YOU have a problem. You're too dramatic!
(You're not.)

Bones101 · 13/12/2025 01:27

Sorry if he's getting that twisted he has a serious problem with alcohol and you need to leave for babies safety.

LBFseBrom · 13/12/2025 01:07

I agree, or else pack his bags and get him to leave.

He obviously does have a drink problem and needs to face up to it.

StephensLass1977 · 13/12/2025 01:05

He is going to end up killing her. He is either stops drinking NOW, or he leaves.

Brandyb · 13/12/2025 00:20

fireflies9 · 12/12/2025 21:10

@Keroppiafter tonight I called my mum and let her know the situation that’s been going on, she gave me a reality check and it made me realize I’m not being dramatic. I’ve locked ourselves in our room for tonight and left him downstairs I haven’t even tried speaking to him as I think it just provokes things. But this isn’t how we can live moving forward so something needs to be done. He doesn’t have bad intentions but he is a liability when drunk so either needs to stop completely for a while or only drink when away from home.

Sorry haven't read the full thread but if my husband was drunk and holding the baby and I told him he should give her to me he would. He would not have the pride/lack of self-insight to say no - why risk it? This is what troubles me here - not that anyone should not be drunk ever, but if you are, have the humility and respect in your partner to abdicate your ego. If my partner couldn't see that obviously I couldn't trust their judgement

viques · 13/12/2025 00:19

Someone who can’t regulate their alcohol intake and regularly drinks until they have no control of their body is an alcoholic.

You can’t live with an alcoholic because they will always choose drink over you, your kids, their job, their health.

You can’t change or shame an alcoholic to stop drinking.

The only way an alcoholic will change is when they hit rock bottom , understand that they are killing themselves, and work hard to change. Not many have the strength to do this, and even more never get to the point where they are willing to even try.