Ex says he’s sick of doing shit for me

I agree that driving would be great for the OP if she has the money & the time to learn but I don't think it's the main issue here.

Her ex said he would take her & then was horrible about it.
They share a profoundly disabled child & from her posts it sounds like the OP is doing the lion's share of the work around that.
I think asking the child's father for a lift on the weekend he should be doing the hard job of caring for his child isn't that unreasonable and he agreed to do it.

The issue is him not stepping up to help enough, agreeing to do things and then being difficult about them and the way he speaks to the OP & models this to his kids.
I also said in a previous post that the OP shouldn't ask him for help again but now I think why should he get the easy ride in this? It's his child too!

But, as mums, we put the kids first & the OP knows if she didn't take her youngest away he would never go anywhere because the dad who CAN drive wouldn't do it on his own.

It’s not ‘ferrying around’ it’s driving your profoundly disabled child to their holiday destination, where you CONVENIENTLY, won’t be expected to do any parenting. It’s the very least he could do!

If you tried to learn in a manual before, switch to automatic. I hated manual, found the clutch and gearbox completely futile. The US basically don’t have manual cars and all EV’s are automatic so in the not so distant future we will all be driving automatic. Makes it so much easier to pass.

You can’t rely on your ex anymore. He shouldn’t be talking to you like this and your other child definitely should not be, it’s disgraceful. He isn’t someone you need in your life. Learn to drive in an automatic so you can take your son away.

Jesus, the comments on this thread are unbelievable!!

The OP was taking her disabled child away for a break on the weekend her ex should have been caring for him.
The ex who is the child's father can't cope with him & doesn't take him out himself - the OP has said that.
Surely then, the very least he could do is drive them to the holiday park??
He agreed to do it - AGREED to - months before, then moaned about it.

Why was it he agreed?? Because he knew he would get an easy weekend "off" with the other non- disabled teenager.

He is being a complete wanker in this scenario so stop defending him people!

And stop telling the OP to simply "learn to drive" like it's the easiest thing in the world to do.
Anyone actually tried to get lessons and a test booked recently??
But the driving is a red herring anyway. The useless ex agreed to drive her for his own sake then acted like a spoilt brat

And you can bet this is the tip of the iceberg with his selfish,useless behaviour around the care of his kids.

It was really nice he was going to drive you both. You should have got the food delivery earlier / the day before! You need to be more independent, learn to drive or use public transport / taxi

I cannot think of anything worse than still having to rely on and beholden to my ex. You need to make other arrangements. The way your dc spoke to you is another matter but have his needs been missed at times due to brothers needs? Had he been invited on the holiday? Or consulted before booking so you could get something they’d both like? Also why book holidays on your ex’s weekend to have dc? I know you keep saying it’s for your son but it’s your choice to book something and to book it so far away and I can see it would be annoying to be expected to then facilitate that, as he has form you knew how he’d react too. Obviously he’s unreasonable in the way he’s spoken to you but doesn’t sound like that will change so you need to change how you involve him

I would never have asked my ex-husband for this sort of favour. Our lives after divorce were completely separate. We didn't even speak when he picked the children up or dropped them off.

Some divorced couples have an amicable relationship but you obviously don't so I'm not surprised that your ex isn't happy about doing favours for you.

As far as the driving goes, next time learn and do your test in an automatic, it makes a huge difference.

I think this will end up being a positive moment - a moment where you realise splitting up with your partner was 110% the correct decision and also the moment you know you need to learn to drive. You’ll look back on this and it’ll be a turning point for a more positive future!

He’s a horrible prick. I’m sorry your wee holiday started off in this way, OP. I hope you manage to turn it around and have a lovely time

I would have been giving the lift quite begrudgingly in the first place, so to then be asked to wait an extra 20 minutes on top would have put me in a foul mood and make me think you were taking the piss. So I do think you were being unreasonable there.
There's no way he should be teaching/allowing your son to talk to you like that though.

Are you the OP whos older son stayed with Dad when you separated earlier this year?

I wouldn’t drive my ex and I would never ask him to drive me. My holiday, my problem. The food shop really was pushing it as despite the three hour round trip you wanted him to wait about for an extra half hour. He isn’t “nice” enough to put up with that, so you can’t rely on him going forward.
you need to make your own plans in future and plan ahead with the shopping .

I assumed it was a food delivery to take with them for the holiday! The journey was only over an hour.

imagine if a friend spoke to you the way your ex has, you would be cutting ties. He behaviour is horrible - no.need to be so nasty. If he didnt want to help you get your child to the accommodation he should have said no. Waiting for the delivery is mild inconvenience and he could have spent the time with his child. He is immature and selfish. I feel awful for you. Time for boundaries that keep you safe from his treatment. You got this. Hope you enjoy the break.

I think people are being really unfair here, and there’s a multitude of reasons why someone doesn’t drive.

Op i can’t drive due to health reasons and medication. I find it incredibly hard sometimes and also have kids with similar inherited issues so I feel incredibly trapped when they struggle with public transport .
Plus public transport doesn’t give me the autonomy to choose a destination i really want to go to but I wouldn’t ask my kids’ dad. The only time I’ve ever asked for help from him is very minimal and usually linked to a health emergency for our kids.
i believe we are no longer together therefore I make sure to get on with it despite my limitations.
its hard but it’s not healthy for the kids to witness all this obnoxious behaviour and rudeness, its already rubbing off, nip it in the bud.

Wow no way would I expect an ex to do all of that. I'm an adult on my own 2 feet and it I wanted to go away etc I would arrange it myself. Your ex is not your taxi service

Yes... But her ex is an arse... And this will continue to be an issue until OP gets a license /doesn't have to rely on this person.

Plenty of people do manage to get licenses... Through a mix of SOME lessons and having people sit with them while they practice...

Yes and running a car isn't cheap...

And most people with this degree of disability are eligible for a motability car...

No help at mo..

But driving is a basic life skill..!!

In the New year could you prioritise learning to drive?

Then this will no longer be an issue... As the hot driving issue won't go away until you solve it...

Presumably with the level of need your son has, he'd be eligible for motability?

Good god. It's his son too. Yes he should drive you the lazy cheeky fucker. Why shouldnt he take some responsibility. He produced a fuckng child. He should grow up. All these twats who think they have no responsibilty just coz they've split up. Fucking wake up.

I think you all need serious counselling. It will help you truly separate from him so that you’re not booking things that rely on him to provide transport. Crying instead of making very clear boundaries is not a healthy response either. I don’t know why you continued with the trip.

Your ex is a nasty piece of work, he riled up the eldest against you who probably resents his younger brother needs, empowering him to verbally abuse you and you don't know what that could next lead to.
I know nothing about your custody arrangements but ex obviously sees himself as a martyr
Which is no good so you don't/can't rely on him because he'd using his resentment as a stick to beat you with
Speak to your council, citizens advice, relevant organizations about mobility schemes and social networks youngest and you can get involved with
As for the eldest draw a line in the sand and tell him any more nonsense and lack of respect he can go to daddy forever and lets see how long he will last if he mouths off to him!

Well the father and everyone else manages