Ex says he’s sick of doing shit for me

I argued that it wasn’t for me, it was for our son who deserves the same opportunities as his sibling

I think that’s rather manipulative.
If you want your son to have “the same” opportunities, you have to be able to facilitate them in the same way your ex does.

Stop booking things that you can’t/wont get to yourself without having to rely on other people.

Whyever not - it's his disabled son we are talking about, his ex is incidental!

Well he is an ex for a reason. No one should speak to you that way

Should you have done a last minute food order- nope

First of all the child speaking to you like crap would be told straight off to get some respect and apologise.
As for the ex don't rely on him anymore if you can budget in for a taxi when you're next going away.
Life will feel happier for you that way and don't forget do not let anyone especially your child speak to you like crap.

They've obviously agreed arrangements for the child for this getaway.

personally he shouldn’t had said yes in the first place.

A lot of people are being very unkind and saying you should learn to drive. Depending on how badly disabled your son is, that might not be a solution. On this site, everybody has agreed to the guidelines 'Please be respectful'. Guilt tripping an OP without even knowing the whole picture is defo not respectful.

She SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED HIM?! Why would any sane person book a holiday and not have the means to travel there?!

Any disabled child is difficult to look after.

He was nice enough to agree to it, but she was unorganised! Why wasn’t she ready to go there and then when he arrived? She could have had the food delivery the day before?

I understand his frustration. He wanted to pick up and go. It’s a 3 hour drive there a back and none of it benefits him!

The child should have been reprimanded for his rudeness. But I get why dad said what he said, just from her post I feel she takes the piss a lot of the time under “it’s for our son”.

he’s an ex for a reason. They are not together for a reason. I don’t get why she’s still using him.

And I would argue that by taking their disabled child away for a weekend on her own on a weekend her ex should be caring for him.she is actually making HIS life easier!

Learn to drive, I can’t imagine how you cope without a car, especially if you have a disabled child.

Fgs, he agreed to do it on HIS weekend when he should have been caring for the disabled child he finds hard to look after!

The OP isn't stupid, she says she asked him about the lift months ago & he agreed. Then he made a big fuss about it & spoke to her like dirt - that's the issue here.
If he had said no at the outset presumably the OP wouldn't have booked it. He is the one who changed the goal posts at the last minute!

It's your ex responsibility to help out. However this was a big ask and perhaps the delivery on top was bad move. However he should be giving you respect in front of kids. That was shocking and I certainly would not put up with that from my son. Poor you it was a bit of a balls up but your heart ruled your head.

He’s your ex. why would he take you on a holiday he’s not invited to?

why would you book a holiday knowing you could get there?

It sounds like you lean an awful lot on him for lifts and stuff, so I’m not surprised that he feels this way. You’re using him under the guise of “it’s for our son”.

If my SDs mom asked my husband to take her on holiday he’s would tell her no…. Flat out.

stop using him to make your life easier.

Absolutely unacceptable for your ex to speak to you like that OP and even worse that your eldest called you a bitch. Your ex is teaching him that it's OK to speak to women that way.

In my experience, it’s not a good idea to rely on an ex for anything. It causes a power imbalance and can open up old wounds. They also know the most effective ways to hurt and upset us.

Hopefully you and your son get something positive out of your weekend away despite this. Are you in a position to learn to drive yourself? Just to give you some freedom and make your life easier. Understandable if your not, having a disabled child makes time and money to do something like that.

Everyone else does not manage.

Ok, I get that but this is how certain men get away with being crap because nothing can ever be expected of them - and they know it and they play on it
It's infuriating.

Also, as I keep pointing out, this man agreed months ago to do the driving but then acted like a spoilt brat about it and encouraged his eldest son to treat the mother of his kids like crap.

The OP's mistake here was thinking her ex could act like a grown up, could stick to what he agreed to and could be a role model to their son.
His son is now learning a life lesson in how to treat women & will probably repeat the process as an adult.

Yeah so the dad’s shit we established that, so op has to plan for herself and her children.

She either learns to drive, doesn’t go or makes suitable travel arrangements that don’t rely on her Ex.

They are her three options. She needs to plan like the ex doesn’t exist.

Maybe it isn't possible to use a train with her disabled son?

And isn't the whole point of this thread the fact that the dad here really cnba??

Yes, but learning to drive is very expensive and time consuming. The OP may not have time or funds for this if she is looking after two children. Of course it would be ideal if she could drive, but in reality learning to drive is not easy for many mums, especially single mums.

It would have been great if OP's ex had seen the drive as his contribution to the holiday for HIS child. But like so many dads, it sounds like he can't even manage this basic level of parenting. The abuse is totally unacceptable.

I really feel for you OP, you are doing the best for your children and sound like a great mum. Sorry that your ex is so horrible.

I think it’s wise for all parents to have plans that they themselves can fulfil.

So op wants to go to the caravan Amazing. Now how can she do this alone? Pick a site near a train station with a good bus service.

The online shop could have been delivered to site so now she hasn’t got her Ex waiting around because it’s late and again if she say got the train isn’t a problem either.

Now she doesn’t need to rely on her ex and his attitude. It also covers if the car had broke down or he even as a nice ex had become sick.

Sure the ex could look at it as helping his child rather than his ex but if he wanted to do that he would take his own child away which he clearly cnba.

As non drivers we always need plans with back up plans and shouldn’t rely on anyone else driving us around.

All of you saying his horrible his a ex it's not really his job to be a taxi driver because op doesn't want to get a licence would you say the same if this was a man complaining about their ex?

If everyone in the world who could drive DID drive then we’d be truly screwed in terms of CO2 emissions. There’s too many cars on the road as is

Yes, a lot of people on this thread are being very black & white about it and are missing the point massively that's it's not about the exH doing a favour for his ex wife, it's about doing something that he agreed to do for the benefit of his child.

Again, no one is moaning about him not making the effort to learn how to take his youngest disabled child out or away on his own but are quick to berate the OP for not learning to drive!

Really shocked by some of these replies, and fascinating to see so many people can’t distinguish between doing something for your ex, and doing it for the benefit of your child.

It sounds like the OP is handling almost all of the parenting for their shared disabled child? In which case too fucking right the child’s father should step up and help in ways that they can- and helping the child’s primary carer, is helping their child.

ExDH and I coparent and do an awful lot for one another, because it benefits our child. For example, I paid for DS and his father to do an activity together that exDH couldn’t afford (he has retired early for health reasons), so they could have a lovely experience that DS will remember with his dad- who is older and in poor health and unlikely to be around as long as we all would like him to be. Having these memories and experiences with his dad, is good for our son.

ExDH came round one night last week to help me fix a broken sump pump when it packed in on a Sunday night, and having the washing machine working means his kid can go to school in a clean uniform. And yes, I could have called an emergency plumber, but £££ that could be better spent on DS.

I’m sorry, OP, that your ex behaved like this. You sound like a lovely mum.

In future you can get shopping delivered either to the caravan or at least meet you at reception to most caravan sites.

Your ex is an arse for accepting and then bitching but you need to treat and expect that he will behave as an ex and not ask for favours. Also goes the same back don’t do him favours if his going to be a dick.