Ex says he’s sick of doing shit for me

It doesn’t really matter who was being unreasonable. You found this experience unpleasant so you need to work out how you are going to be independent of him so you don’t have to go through this again.

I can't in my wildest imagination think that I would ask an ex to drive me somewhere. I get it's his kid too. But you either go somewhere accessible for someone who can't drive. Or, if it's holding you back from doing what you want, learn to drive!

Next time - get a taxi to take you to the holiday park (or alternatively a friend or family member) and have the food shop delivered to the holiday park. There was no need to involve your ex.

I really don't see this as a gendered issue.

People should make sure they've achieved a level of self sufficiency before deciding to have children.

Separated parents shouldn't organise holidays for the kids on the other parent's access weekend and then 1. expect them to facilitate it and 2. act like they're doing the other parent a favour.

He is an ex

Yes completely concur with you & the other lovely commenter you're in agreement with here💚Shocking how some might struggle to see what you both so compassionately, bring to light so well💚🫂💚

Yanbu. What a shit man. He never takes your child away and begrudges you a lift so that same child gets a holiday. And sitting there allowing the older one to speak like that. Clearly he is a shit father. Who knows why he agreed to do this. Because he wants to paint the picture that he’s such a lovely man?

Arrrggghhh!
Stop blaming her!

He's the f**king father & he agreed to do it!

This is why so many men are shit because people (and I mean women) always, always take their side & let them away with the absolute bare minimum of effort.

Sorry but YABU. He's horrible but you know this by know. Putting yourself in this situation and acting like a victim is really thoughtless.

He's your ex. You're over. If you want to go on holiday, make your own way there.

This - totally agree the ex is awful if he can"t do anything to help his disabled son. You need to be in OP' shoes to see how easy it is in every day life. She is doing her best to give her child a better life and needs support not criticism.

He’s an abusive prick and he is turning the older one in to one as well. Does he live with his father?

Dear Original Commenter, 🫂
I'm so very sorry to hear you're being disrespected & spoken down to, by your ex & your eldest Son 😢
Your eldest Son obviously gets the attitude from your ex & although of course, it doesn't excuse speaking to you so rudely, at least you know, where it stems from & most surely not to take it personally 🙏
God Bless You&Yours, especially you & your youngest lovely Son, whom you're absolutely right, most surely deserves a heartwarming, heartfelt Christmasy Caravan Holiday 🤗
How lovely & what a Most Marvelous Mum you truly are, going to so much effort to organise this for your dear Son 🫂
Please, try not to let this horrible disrespectful attitude wear you down, sincere soul, though I completely comprehend & empathise because I'd be distraught too
Please remember it's only the negative influence surrounding & swaying your eldest Son which is making him be so hurtful right now
Time's a great healer of attitudes & God, if the father of Your Sons begrudges doing kind gestures & helping them, this is wholeheartedly on him, most surely not a reflection on you, lovely Mum, ok 💚🙏💚
Wishing you all the utmost very best

@cloudtreecarpet Voice of reason, you read the thread, as I did, all these women bashing a woman with a disabled child trying to do the best for him, when her ex should be stepping up too care for him, what a prize!

Not doing it for his ex though, doing it for his son...
Shame you can't read.

I'm not sure what area you're in but where I am the local branch of carers UK (Newcastle) have a grant for driving lessons. Look also at family fund. Check out your local SEND local offer and parents and carers forum. Someone will be able to advise. Do you have a disability social worker? Or maybe try getting a Mencap family caseworker to help yoh access all you're entitled to and get that motability car back. I passed 4th time. It was just anxiety / undiagnosed autism and ADHD. I'm a great driver. Wish I could help. He's a prick, fuck him.

You're using your ex. Learn to drive and get a car.

This thread is so fucking depressing.

The OP has been accused of being manipulative for telling her ex - the father of their shared, disabled child- that she wants DC to have the same opportunities

She’s been accused of “using” her ex- when I’m very sure she would much rather not be stuck in a car with him for an hour - and more to the point, since they’re clearly not 50/50 how about he stops using HER as unpaid labour for their child who clearly has more needs than one person can reasonably manage - as he can’t do it- and forks out for a carer, or steps up and does more?

Its been inferred that she’s somehow slacking for not driving

Barely anyone has pointed out that the ex

• is not sharing childcare equally
• is not providing nor facilitating equitable opportunities for the children - and doesn’t seem to give a shit about doing so
• is if not abusive, at least unpleasant to the OP
• Is accepting and probably encouraging the verbal abuse of the OP by the older child

Honest to fucking god mumsnet is a swamp sometimes.

I can’t tell if it’s ableism, lack of concern for carers, or internalized misogyny, but it’s awful.

Theres also SUCH a clear lack of ability to separate relationships with an ex partner in a romantic sense, with your duty as parents of a shared child. I hope most of you aren’t single parents, because if you are I feel sorry for your kids.

I see you OP, and i get it.

If I’m honest I wouldn’t want to rely on my ex for anything except to do the co-parenting. And I certainly wouldn't allow him or your ungrateful rude child to speak to me like that or call me names. Stand your ground and set your boundaries. If that ever happens again, put him in his place and tell him how dare he and to stop immediately as he is role modeling abuse behaviour for his children to follow. What a disgusting man and to be honest, your child is no better.

This

The OP asked her ex months in advance if he could do it. If it was going to be such a pain he could have said no. And besides it was for their son.

The problem was 4 driving test failures - not not wanting to learn.

I'm sorry OP I realise that it must be tough for you to look after your disabled son on your own, and your eldest should not speak to you like that, you don't mention how old he's. People have suggested that you hire a car/uber but obviously for that distance it would be very expensive and money is probably tight. Going forward you can't rely on your ex although if he's the child's father he could do the decent thing and help out to make his child's life easier.
I hope that both of you had a great time when you got there.

Please check post where OP explained four failures at the test.

If at all possible, don’t give up on trying to learn to drive. I don’t mind saying I failed about 4 times also - I’d have a sheet with loads of minors that accumulated to fails always. Then on the fifth time, I was in a stroppy ‘let’s gets this over so you can give me my fail’ mood 😂 and was just more ‘unbothered’ as it were and I passed lol which made me think it’s often just psychological like overthinking/nerves etc.

I now whizz about on the motorway and here there and everywhere! It’s a life skill which will change your and your sons world. You sound an amazing mum OP and I’m sorry it’s so tough for you right now - good luck!

Hope that your explanation of not driving will shut up all the people on here saying not driving is a sin you've committed. I was sure there was a good reason why you didn't have a licence. Even if you did, could you manage getting him into a vehicle either mobility or ordinary car?