Ex says he’s sick of doing shit for me

I didn't say she was an arsehole, I said she was taking the piss.

She could have arranged the food shop for the day before, or to be delivered to the cottage itself - not for the last minute when she was relying on someone else to give her a lift

I agree with this about the food delivery.

It’s really annoying when you offer someone a lift (and a two plus hour round trip is a big ask), you get to their place and can’t leave because they’re fucking around and not ready.

On top of that, the whole situation for all of you sounds difficult.

Learn to drive so you don’t have to rely on him.

I don't know why people are giving the OP such a hard time - she clearly says she asked her ex "months ago" if he would drive them.
He must have agreed hence the OP booking the trip. If he didn't want to do it or was going to be a dick about it he shouldn't have agreed in the first place.
I hate people who do that, it's so unreasonable & martyr-like.

The shopping was a bit of a mistake but still not that much of a deal.

The eldest needs speaking to by the OP about the way he speaks to her but his dad shouldn't be condoning that and encouraging it either - he clearly is setting the tone and the example.

It would be interesting to know if the ex ever plans breaks for the youngest son. I suspect I know the answer to that already.

Amazing how different the standards are isn't it?

At the end of the day, people who don’t drive and rely on others, are relying on the goodwill of others. If that’s how it’s going to be, it needs to be as easy as possible for the people you’re asking a favour of. And it is a favour, even if your child is involved. That doesn’t stop it being a favour to you.

No, he's also doing a favour for the OP who could have arranged another way of getting there - a taxi, train, a favour from a friend etc.

I'm also not sure why another, totally different thread is being shoe-horned into this one. Different threads get different responses because different posters respond to them. It's hardly amusing.

So you made your ex drive a 2.5 hour round trip in midwinter when it is dark and miserable and then weren’t ready to go when he arrived and you think he is being unreasonable? Sorry but YABU.

Sorry if its me being a bit dim , but are both children his ? What are the custody arrangements , do they both live with you full time ? Does he ever have your son with needs ever ? or does he only have the older child, the one that he is happy to take on holiday ?
I think if he never or hardly ever, has the younger child, then he needs to accept that doing the minimal amount of parenting might involve a drive very occasionally, a couple of hours of driving to ensure the child gets a holiday, doesn't sound too onerous to me ?

She was trying to arrange food for them all on a long journey, she hardly planned for it to be held up.

Its an absolute stretch to make her into any kind of asshole here. Again, she is the ONLY one of the two of them that was truly thinking of anyone else.

Your ex is obviously an ex because he’s awful and a poor excuse for a man.
Most worrying is that your eldest son is speaking to you like that and no doubt will treat future females in his life like it too.
This needs to be addressed urgently - if your ex won’t speak to you calmly about this issue you need to sort it out yourself. You cannot allow your ex and son to abuse you in this way.
YANBU

I have to say, if I'd agreed to do a favour for someone and they made me hang around waiting on a last-minute food delivery I'd be pretty pissed off with them.

He is not doing a favour for "someone". He is doing a favour for his disabled child. But he is probably one of those guys who thinks his ex uses CM to have her nails done.

I am amused though. On a thread this week many posters thought a woman whose husband announced he was gay 18 months ago and has a new boyfriend should entertain this new young boyfriend for xmas day with her young kids in the interests of family harmony. Guess that only cuts one way - the woman sucking it up.

Exactly. People are saying "oh, it's for their disabled son" but it's also a huge favour to the OP who could have arranged a taxi, or booked a train etc.

Im confused

Is this guy father to both of your sons?

Or only one of them?

But most people don’t involve their ex to take their children away on holiday. I think some people think that if their child is involved, it’s automatically not a favour to the parent, but the child. But really, most people sort themselves out, or make alternate arrangements. Most don’t call on the ex on an ongoing basis. That’s realistically not a long term plan, unless it’s very amicable.

And the delivery was too close to the departure time, even if it hadn’t been running late. It’s all a bit like, well it’s for DC’s benefit so everyone should be happy and delighted to help, regardless of any issues.

He's dealt with it awfully and you need to sort that out along with your oldest but I'd have been really frustrated with you too - why on earth didn't you get delivery for a different day/time?

Yes, and then she arranged a last-minute food delivery and expected him to be happy to hang around waiting for her. That's taking the piss.

It sounds like ds is old enough for you to ask him pointedly when he’s back- dd I have a question for you- when did your dad last take ds2 on a holiday or a real treat? Oh, and I’m the lazy one because your dad condescended to drive his own son to a trip he would never ever take him on? I dont think you realise which parent everyone else in the world would call lazy, and I’m so sad you genuinely don’t seem to expect your dad to do anything at all for his other child and he should get a medal when he does. I’d like you to think about that please. You’re getting too old to be so judgmental and rude to me, and you don’t realise that you’re also saying your brother doesn’t deserve holidays ever. He’s your brother, I hope you remember this next time your dad takes you on holiday.

Nobody is expecting him to. She asked him and he agreed.

Right? I don't read anything about him taking their profoundly disabled child on holiday. All he was asked to do was drive them there, which he agreed to do. The OP ordered food for them to eat on the way and was trying to be thoughtful. It sounds like she's only one trying to be thoughtful and everyone is a poor wee put-upon soul. As ever, the bar for fathers is non fucking existent.

I'm not sure why that's relevant.

If he was taking their son on holiday, nobody would expect OP to do a 2.5 hour round journey to take him there.

For a holiday his ex organised.

If OP wants to go away on holiday she should book it and arrange her own transport, not rely on her ex.

For his own disabled son?

Stop asking your ex for favours if this is how he acts. You need to stop relying on him. Even if it is for the kids.

Hes definitely rubbed off on your eldest but that is no excuse for your son to call you a bitch! Honestly I wouldn't tolerate that kind of abuse from my own son. How old is he? Old enough to be shown the door? Maybe he should move in with his dad if he thinks hes so great. Im sure it wouldn't be long before He realises what side his breads buttered.

At least consider family counselling. Your son has a very unhealthy attitude towards you which may carry on to his future partners. Nip it in the bud now.

I think maybe you're a little bit U. Why did you book something that you needed your ex to drive you to? I understand you wanting some fun in life but relying on an ex shouldn't be part of it. Plus the disrespect is rubbing off your kid. Probably better you aren't in your ex's company.

I'd be coming down like a ton of bricks on your kid though. That shit needs nipping in the bus before it's entrenched.

Just try and have a good weekend. New year coming up. Book some driving lessons if you can, it'll give you freedom.